5 Self-Defeating Thoughts You Have When You’re Single — How to Silence Them

Being single can be a slog. And after a while, it can be tough to fight off visions of yourself choking to death on a grape in your tiny apartment alone surrounded by cats. But there’s no need to freak out — that’s not going to happen. Let’s put the panic and cynicism away, starting with these useless thoughts that we’re all guilty of entertaining:

Everyone else is coupling up — I must be doing something wrong. You’re not on The Bachelor —  falling in love is not a competition that involves waiting to be picked. And if it’s not a competition, you don’t need to worry about what everyone else is doing, right? Just because your girlfriends have found boyfriends or gotten engaged doesn’t make them better than you. It just means their time came. Yours will come too and when it happens, it’ll be amaaaazing… Focus on that. In the meantime, do you.

If I were hotter/skinnier/smarter/more interesting, I’d have someone by now. Insecurity is one of the most useless emotions. Think about it: What has it done for you lately? Not a goddamn thing, right? Except maybe bum you out and keep you down. And the worst part: because confidence is the single most attractive quality a person can have, focusing on your weaknesses actually makes you less attractive. No matter what you look like or what your shortcomings are, love yourself — the more you behave like a desirable woman, the more men will respond to you like one. So the next time you catch yourself having self-negating thoughts, tell yourself to STFU.

All the good men are taken. No, they’re not. Sure, it feels that way when you’re going on crappy date after crappy date but remember: it only takes one. And like the princess in the fairytale, you’re going to end up kissing a hell of a lot of frogs before you find him. That’s not a bad thing — it’s just the way it works. The frogs are lessons; they teach you what you want/need and help you become ready when the right guy appears. So don’t get cynical. Rest assured that there’s a fantastic guy out there who’s trudging through his share of lame girls looking for YOU.

I’m too picky — I should just settle. As long as you don’t have outlandish expectations — like, he needs to look like a model and be kind and be rich — you’re probably not being too picky. You’re probably just looking for a guy that fits well with you and that’s okay. In fact, that’s exactly what you should be looking for.  Just because it’s taking a while — which is no surprise because a real connection can take some time to find — doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. And the next time you catch yourself wondering if you want too much, remember: the biggest difference between people who have more and those who have less is that the ones who have more believe they deserve it. In other words, what you expect is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Accept less, become less, get less… Expect more, become more, get more. So, keep an open mind but do not settle for anyone that’s not worthy of you.

I’m running out of time if I want to have kids. We totally get it. The biological clock is a total bitch. But even if you don’t find your boo by [insert your panic age here], that doesn’t mean you’re destined to be manless and childless. Chances are you’ll fall in love with plenty of time to spare — how many women do you know that never found anyone in spite of trying? probably not a lot — but even if you end up being a late bloomer in love, you’ll be just fine because, these days, there are tons of ways to start a family once you’re ready. Not only do plenty of women get pregnant naturally in their 40s and have healthy babies, but the ones that don’t often find success with frozen eggs, IVF, donor eggs, surrogacy or adoption. So, instead of living in a panic, acting like you’re going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight, relax… Being young and single is awesome — don’t squander it worrying about something that will likely never even be an issue in the end.

Read more:

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  • An STD Left Me Unable To Have Kids
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  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That
  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend
  • They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse

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5 Things to Remember AFTER a Date So You Don’t Lose Control

As much as we don’t want to admit it, the stereotype that women start planning the wedding right after the first date is not entirely false. We’ve all done it… We’ll go out to dinner with a guy who’s hot, fun, smart, kind and seems to have his crap together and by the time dessert comes, we’re sure he’s the one. It’s a little insane. And, it’s this very tendency to fall hard and fast like a brick in the ocean that’s responsible for us being disappointed so often. So:

Let’s quit it, ladies.

Starting right now, let’s all take a much more balanced approach to the manhunt and pace ourselves. To that end, here are some things to remember after your next date:

You are not easy. You are extraordinary. That means you have expectations that need to be fulfilled and standards that need to be met. You had fun and flirted your ass off but you also have sense: you don’t prematurely fall for a guy just because he put his hand on the small of your back or because his finger grazed your thigh, right? It takes a lot more than that to get you. Wait and see what happens next.

Make him earn your attention. Any guy can be great for ONE date. What is that — 2 hours? After you’re done hanging out, go home and forget he exists. Try not to gush to your mom and your girlfriends about how he was this and that, and how the connection between you was SO intense, and definitely don’t let him take over your head, overwhelming you with feelings. Make him show you, over at least a couple more dates (not to mention the days in between) that he recognizes you’re fantastic and that he’s worthy of you. Until he earns your interest, you shouldn’t give him a second thought — effort is the price of admission.

A guy who wants you will make it known. If a guy is into you, it’ll be obvious. Don’t make excuses for him (“Maybe I should text him because I did come off kind of cold”) or create opportunities for him to demonstrate interest. Any guy worth dating doesn’t need your help to show he cares — he’ll just come after you. And if he’s not chasing you, he’s either not interested or not someone you should be messing with. If you text him, sure, he might ask you out again but you know how that’s going to end? Probably with you crying. Just sayin.

Who he is now is the best he will be. How the guy behaves after your date is almost more important than how he behaves during the date. At this stage, he’s bringing his best… If his best sucks — he takes too long to get in touch, doesn’t try to give you notice before the next date, doesn’t seem interested in who you are, or just makes you feel unappreciated — take note. It’s only going to go downhill from here.

He’s not the last single man. If this guy ends up being the one, fantastic. But if he doesn’t, it’s really not a big deal. There are tons of great men out there so don’t freak yourself out by making the stakes feel higher than they are. It’s just a date. There will be others. You’re not going to die alone – your future husband is out there and you will find him. We promise.

Read more:

  • Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences
  • Do You Act Like A Hot Girl Or An Ugly Girl? Here Are 20 Differences
  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That
  • 12 Texts You’ve Definitely Received If You’ve Got An Amazing Boyfriend
  • “Breezing” Is The New Dating Trend We Should ALL Be Following
  • “Kittenfishing” Is The New Dating Trend Even YOU Might Be Guilty Of
  • Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives — Here’s Why
  • Do You Have Sarmassophobia? It May Be Why You’re Single

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19 Annoying Things Single Women Have to Deal With

There are a thousand reasons to love being single — and we’ve covered a lot of them — but sometimes, you’re just over it. We empathize. Here are some of the things that drive us crazy:

Couples holding hands everywhere. How many of them you’ll see on any given day rises in relation to how lonely you happen to be feeling.

Couples slobbering all over each other on Facebook. No shame.

Going weeks/months without sex. Your annual breast exam suddenly feels intimate.

Things that go bump in the night. Was that the dry cycle on the dishwasher kicking in or a serial killer?

The flu. Going to the drugstore when you have a fever is BS.

No one to tell you how hot you look. Except construction workers and your girlfriends.

Online dating. It’s like a part-time job. Who has the time??

Online dating fees. They add up. A nice new handbag would be a much more satisfying purchase. And then at least you’d have something to show for the $ you spent.

Blind dates. Oh, the anticipation… and then you meet him. Is it rude to leave before he notices you?

Weddings. The slow dance. The bouquet toss. Being seated at the losers’ singles’ table.

Zipping up your dress by yourself.Ouch. Shoulder cramp.

Taking off your boots by yourself. Ouch. Back pain.

Fixing stuff. A girl shouldn’t have to unclog her own toilet.

Spiders. A girl shouldn’t have to kill things either.

Valentine’s Day. Barf.

Bills, rent, etc. At a minimum, you should have someone to go halfsies with you.

Cooking for one. Making chicken parmesan would be fun but ordering pizza – the practical choice – always ends up winning.

Masturbating.Boooooring. So mechanical at this point.

Watching something scary/sad/funny. Screaming, crying or laughing out loud when you’re alone just feels pathetic.

Read more:

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  • 7 Subtle Signs You’re Hotter Than You Think
  • 10 Bad Habits No Grown Woman Should Have
  • Do You Have Sarmassophobia? It May Be Why You’re Single

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Ladies, Don’t Blame Yourselves For Being Single – 5 Reasons It’s NOT Your Fault

Being single isn’t something that anyone needs to be blaming anyone for — it’s not a disease or a character flaw; it’s actually a pretty awesome time in your life if you can manage to let go and just enjoy it. But if we’re going to talk about accountability, here are 5 reasons single women shouldn’t blame themselves for not yet having found love:

You’re not entirely in control. You — and what you want and the decisions you make — are one piece of the puzzle to you finding love. There are other pieces too, like the guys you come across and what they want and how they behave, or where you live and what dating culture is like today. It’s complicated. At some point though, all the pieces will fit together and suddenly it won’t feel complicated at all. Funny how that works. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack — you can’t blame yourself when you’re not totally in control —and let yourself enjoy the adventure of being single.

Hookup culture doesn’t help. Finding a long term relationship is hard enough, let alone during a time when it’s all about the hookup. If you’re looking for something real, you have to work that much harder to find it. Of course, you can’t just stand there blaming the world for being tough — you have to rise to the challenge and make your life happen — but when every other guy wants something casual, it’s okay to acknowledge that there are factors which make it hard to find good guy. And it’s certainly not your fault if you’re still working around those challenges.

Male commitment anxiety is a real thing. Let’s face it, hookup culture or not, men are hard to pin down. While our biological clocks make us want to settle down, their need for freedom makes them want to delay commitment. That clash is real and when you’re a single woman in your 20s and 30s, you experience it all the time. It sucks. But no worries — like we said above, at some point the pieces just come together… You’ll find a guy who’s ready, or who’s willing to get ready for you. It’ll happen. Until then, don’t blame yourself — as long as you’re doing your part and exercising good judgment, it’s okay to blame the game a little because the game can get really exhausting when there’s a clock thumping inside your head.

The more amazing you are, the harder it is. There are tons of guys that would be great for the average girl but if you’re special, the number of men you can truly connect with gets smaller because you need a really unique guy. Until you find him — and you will — there will probably be some tough times, like when you think it’ll never happen, that he doesn’t exist, that your ship has sailed, that it’s all your fault. None of that is true. He’s out there and nothing you’ve done is keeping him from you… It’s just not easy for two really unique people to find each other. But there’s a magnetic pull that will eventually bring you together. And when it happens, whoa… It will be awesome.

Being single is necessary education; don’t hate. The experiences you’re having while you’re single — both the good and the bad — are preparing you for the relationship you’re looking for. Instead of blaming yourself for still being on your own, appreciate everything that’s happening, what you’re learning, and who you’re becoming. Don’t resent this time and blame yourself for it — in the end, you’ll see that it was the perfect amount of time for you to learn what you needed.

Read more:

  • Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives — Here’s Why
  • They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
  • Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences
  • 10 Times You’re Accidentally Sexy – And It Drives Us Guys Crazy
  • “Breezing” Is The New Dating Trend We Should ALL Be Following
  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That
  • 21 Questions to Ask at Your Next Visit to the Gynecologist
  • You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts

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5 Dating Apps That Don’t Exist But Totally Should

No one said dating would be easy, but with the technology we have today and the myriad apps we can download to help with our daily lives, it’s kind of weird that there aren’t a lot more apps available to make swimming the dating pool little easier. Pay attention, super smart person out there who knows how to make apps, because we’re straight up giving away great ideas that are bound to make you a millionaire.

FreakDar We’ve all been there before. You’re out with someone and the date’s going great! The conversation is flowing and eventually, it leads to the topic of hobbies. That’s when he suddenly blurts out, “I’m a furry.” Come again? If only there was something to let you know ahead of time that this debonair accountant only gets wood when he wears a chicken costume to bed – an app you can customize that gives you a warning for freaky fetishes. On the other side of the coin, you can also use it to find like-minded freaks like you, because you can’t be the only one who has a thing for fruit roll-ups, right?

Peen-Sta-Gram Ah, penis pictures. What would we do without them, ladies? Wouldn’t life be a little less magical if we didn’t get at least one (or ten) badly lit, close up photos of a stranger’s meat popsicle? After all, who wouldn’t want to open up their text and suddenly see something that more or less looks like a severed toe stuck in a drain full of hair? The answer to that is “ALL women” and yet, here we are, living in a world where random penises invade our phones and singe our eyeballs. There needs to be an app where we can at least have fun with these disgusting, unwanted gifts – an app that looks upon the male peen as a blank canvass for glitter stickers, mustaches and googly eyes and that turns a badly lit picture of a throbber into a work of art that you can then share with your friends on social media.  We all need to laugh to keep from crying (and violently vomiting).

Dealbreakers Ask single girls what kind of guy they’re looking for and you’ll get varied responses. Some women know exactly what they want, while others are still busy trying to figure it out. However, almost all women know exactly what they DON’T want in a guy. Can’t see yourself with a preachy vegan? Input your own dealbreakers into this app and it’ll tell you if you’re about to go out with a kale snackin’, tofu burger-havin’ cabbage humper.  This app could save all of us ladies some serious flirting hours if we knew right off the bat that the Channing Tatum lookalike you’d been eyeballing at work hates Friends and uses the term “It is what it is” all the time.

Ejector Seat A sad but true fact about dating is that it can be dangerous. Even though we have the ability to check someone’s social media profiles and do online background checks, there’s still the possibility that someone potentially dangerous/creepy can slip through the cracks. With Ejector Seat, you can input up to five people your phone will call when you need to escape a situation that might be leading up to something potentially hazardous for your health.  Enter a secret 3 digit code that only you know and it will give your 5 contacts your real-time GPS location so they know exactly where you are. It will also give them the ability to communicate with each other, as well, so everyone can make sure someone’s coming to bail you out and that you’re safe.

Soul Mate Finder It’s a long shot, but if this was ever invented by a magic app genie, all the things we hate about dating would forever disappear.  With just a fondle of a finger to your smart phone, you could see exactly who you’re supposed to be with and when you’re going to meet him!  Feel that? It’s a burden being hoisted off your sad, single shoulders.  If you know you’re not due to meet your soul mate for another 3 years, you can happily have a Netflix binge while making medium pizzas your bitch and inhaling the entire thing.  Think about how much fun you would have in early relationships, unencumbered by the stupid “Is he the one?” question, knowing that the experience is just a stepping stone that’s helping you grow into the person that your soul mate falls in love with a few years from now.  No more bitter break-ups and exes – there will just be smiles and consciously uncoupling people throughout the valley.  Not to mention, with this app, you now know exactly when not to wear those granny panties out in public.

Read more:

  • 13 Deeply Intimate Things To Do Besides Sex
  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend
  • 16 Reasons The Best Women Often Stay Single The Longest
  • Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives — Here’s Why
  • They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
  • You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts
  • What’s Your Sexiest Quality? Here’s What Your Zodiac Sign Suggests
  • 10 Times You’re Accidentally Sexy – And It Drives Us Guys Crazy

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6 Things You’re Probably Doing That Scare Men Off

While it’s true that opposites attract, the differences between men and women can also spawn a lot of eye rolling. Men aren’t perfect by any means, but women aren’t completely innocent, here. I’m sorry to tell you, but there are some things that you should vent about or only do with your girlfriends. After all, guys don’t need to or want to hear their women being catty bitches and gossip queens. Ladies, take notes!

You discuss reality TV as if you actually know the cast. The two “B” words are the biggest offenders in the minds of men when it comes to this issue: BRAVO and The Bachelor. There’s nothing that will drive a man out of a room faster than discussing hot messes like the Real Housewives. The male stance? You don’t know them. You watched them behave like idiots for an hour of your life that you’ll never get back, and now you’re analyzing their antics? Who cares? If you must rant to your guy about how you think Andy Cohen would be your Gay BFF if he could just meet you, or how so-and-so clearly has an anger management problem, you can… but it will most likely fall on deaf ears (or just make him wish he was deaf).

You talk BS about other girls you find on social media. We’re all stalkers – don’t even pretend you haven’t trolled a friend of a friend’s cousin’s Instagram who you met one time and gone through every single one of her pictures. Not only did you look at all of the photos, but you formed very strong opinions about each of them and the girl. Guess what? Guys. Don’t. Care. They would rather spend their time focusing on the things they like – you know, like Xbox and football. Rarely do you hear men critiquing other men and succumbing to social media bullying or negativity. If you don’t actually know the person you’re bashing, there’s really no point wasting time and energy that could be better spent doing something fun with your man. If you do know them, you don’t need to sit in judgment of someone who’s supposed to be your friend. And if they’re your frenemy, they deserve even less of your attention.

You ask for a guy’s opinion, only to ignore it and do what you want anyway. Men don’t mind giving you their opinion. They actually like being included in your decisions, even if you’re asking their opinion on an outfit. What they hate is going through the trouble of giving you their opinion and trying to help you make a decision, only for you to completely disregard what they said and do exactly what you were going to do anyway. Nothing annoys men like having their time wasted, so if you’re not going to take their advice, it’s best not to ask.

You’re two-faced towards your girlfriends. No matter how hot you are, guys don’t want to be dating a Regina George. When you spend your time nit-picking your girlfriend’s wardrobe or significant other behind her back and then telling her how much you love everything about her to her face, men take notice. First of all, they realize that if you’re saying one thing to your friend’s face and another behind her back, you’re probably doing the same thing to them. It’s also tedious for them to keep track of the truths and lies and they just get exhausted. It’s best with men to ditch your inner mean girl and practice that whole “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” mantra… even behind people’s backs.

You drag him along on your shopping sprees. While men may outwardly complain about being coerced into stopping into Victoria’s Secret at the mall, they get their own secret pleasure out of watching their gal shop for lingerie. Being forced to look at things you can’t afford and will never buy, like Hermes china or a diamond Tiffany & Co. ring, is another story. Let’s be honest: You’re not buying cutlery that costs more than your car payment and men hate browsing for the sake of browsing, especially for long periods of time. If you feel the need to window shop, it’s best to leave your boyfriend at home and bring your BFF.

You use the word “fine”. There are maybe a handful of occasions where the adjective “fine” is appropriate for a situation and properly used. Whatever you’re using it to describe isn’t good, it isn’t great, and it isn’t bad – it just is. Women don’t lack emotion, so when we use the word “fine”, a red flag goes off in a man’s head and he knows it’s time to mentally prepare for battle. They’ve come to realize that “fine” is a placeholder word and that at some point in the near future, you’ll make them aware that whatever was said to be “fine” really wasn’t. Stop doing this! You aren’t fooling anyone and even if you’re trying to let something go but can’t, saying it’s fine wastes everyone’s time. Men aren’t mind readers, so it’s best to just come out with whatever you have to say instead of prolonging the inevitable.

Read more:

  • “Breezing” Is The New Dating Trend We Should ALL Be Following
  • 10 Times You’re Accidentally Sexy – And It Drives Us Guys Crazy
  • Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives — Here’s Why
  • Are You An Assertive, Badass Woman? 12 Signs You Take No Crap
  • 12 Texts You’ve Definitely Received If You’ve Got An Amazing Boyfriend
  • 14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation
  • Do You Act Like A Hot Girl Or An Ugly Girl? Here Are 20 Differences
  • 12 Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch

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5 Terrible Photos His Dating Profile Could Do Without

They say pictures are worth a thousand words. In the world of online dating, the photos you include in your profile are often more important than the 500 word description about yourself. In some cases (cough, Tinder, cough), the photos you choose to post are everything. After a while, you start recognizing the same pictures. Has everyone climbed Machu Picchu, taken a picture with a tiger and ridden an elephant in Thailand? If there was ever something predictable about online dating, it’s the photos that end up in 90{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} of profiles.

Thanks for being original, guys. And for making it easier for us to decide who isn’t getting a message back.

The ‘Where’s Waldo’ Group Shot It’s great that you’ve got an active social life and a big circle of friends, but we’d really like to know who we’re talking to. There’s always that one guy who has 7 group photos to sift through but not a single solo picture (likely with good reason). Without abandoning all hope that you’re the hunk second from the left in picture number 4, we’ve already prepared ourselves for the fact that you’re likely the short guy with the awkward smile beside the Ben Affleck in picture number 2. Chances are, we swiped right on one of your friends. Hey, is he available?

The ‘I Lift Things Up and Put Them Down’ We get it – you lift. But nobody cares to see the 100lb weight that you lifted over your head one time (while awkwardly grunting, of course). Aside from your circle of meathead friends, no one is interested in how much you can bench, how big your bicep is when you curl or how many presses you do on leg day. If we’ve resorted to online dating, we’re likely not interested in the gym rats that gawk at us when we’re doing squats. And we know that’s exactly who you are.

The ‘Ex Girlfriend Collage’ Hey, who’s that girl in all of your pictures? She’s too young to be your mom, and you look awfully chummy to be siblings. Yup, it’s your ex girlfriend. The same ex you were with for the past 3 years. The same ex you almost married. The same ex you will talk about on every date. And inevitably, the same ex who is still a very central part of your life. We already know how this one ends, and it’s not with us walking down the aisle. It likely includes a long, apologetic message somewhere along the lines of “I’m not over my ex”.

The ‘Here I Am 5 Years Ago’ All too often, women find themselves caught off guard when they meet up with someone who looks oddly familiar, but not quite the same as the guy they’ve been talking to online for the past couple weeks. And then it hits us. We’ve been catfished. We all want to put forth our best self online, but you’ve put forth your 25 year-old self. Whether you’re now bald or 20lbs heavier, it would be nice to know this before wasting our Friday night on deception. If you’re posting old photos from your prime years, you’re probably not secure with what you look like now. Most women don’t mind a bit of hair loss or even a few extra pounds, but there is nothing less attractive in a man than insecurity and dishonesty. If you don’t look like your photos, you better be prepared to buy us enough drinks until you do.

The ‘Penis Pic’ What goes through a guy’s head when he decides to post a photo of… his other head? It’s no secret – women do not want to see your junk online. It does nothing for us. We don’t find it arousing, we are not going to send you a naked photo in return and it doesn’t make us want to meet you. Even if you have a big, thick, nicely man-scaped package, the second it becomes one of your online dating profile photos, you may as well have a hairy, pencil-width 2-incher. You are not coming home to meet the parents, you are not getting laid, heck, you are not even getting a message back. Hate to tell ya, but your trouser snake is probably just going to end up in a group chat with our besties. #sorrynotsorry

Read more:

  • Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences
  • You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts
  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend
  • Are You An Assertive, Badass Woman? 12 Signs You Take No Crap
  • They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
  • “Breezing” Is The New Dating Trend We Should ALL Be Following
  • 12 Texts You’ve Definitely Received If You’ve Got An Amazing Boyfriend
  • Incredible Women Often Have The Worst Dating Lives — Here’s Why

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How to Not Get Killed by Your Tinder Date

So you’ve met this guy online, and he seems to be pretty cool. You’ve messaged back and forth, stalked all his pictures, and maybe you’ve even had a phone call or two. You think you’re ready to take the next step and meet him in person… but how can you be sure it’s safe?

Whether it’s for a hookup or a happily-ever-after, connecting with someone can be a wonderful experience. Unfortunately, when this connection starts online, there tends to be some risk involved. It’s true that not all men you meet while online dating are creeps; there’s as good a chance you could run into one of those in line at Starbucks. Still, there’s just something about hiding behind a screen that can give some people the balls to do things they wouldn’t otherwise do — like lie about themselves, or their intentions. In any case, it’s probably wise to take some precautionary measures.

Make sure he is who he says he is. It’s frighteningly easy for people to lie about themselves online, especially if the interaction is mostly text-based. While video chatting has risen in popularity, watching that dazzling smile over Skype won’t tell you any more about the sordid details of his past than his charming emails do. A background check, however, will. What if he’s secretly married? Or isn’t actually from Rhode Island? If he’s lying about these things, what else could he be hiding? (A sex offender registration, perhaps?) While it’s nice to take people at their word, it’s much safer to be sure. There are a lot of people out there – especially in the world of online dating – who are willing to take advantage of the anonymity of the Internet. Getting a background check can help prove whether or not this guy is one of them.

Secure an Emergency Extraction Person. This is a trusted friend who is willing to be “on-call” for the duration of the date. When meeting someone from online, we all know it’s important to tell a friend where we’re going and who we’re going with; but if something were to go wrong, how can you be sure that friend will help? What if you need to get picked up, or a reason to cut the date short? Your friend should not only know where you are, but be ready and waiting to help you out if things start to go south fast.

Set up a safe call. A safe call is a pre-planned phone call to let your EEP know that you are, well, safe. To set it up, you’ll need to agree on coded phrases to let your friend know if things are going great or if you need immediate assistance. Try to pick something that won’t tip off your date; for example, “I’m having a great time!” could actually be code for “I’m literally dying and need you to call back in 10 minutes so I have a reason to bail.” Or, you could flat-out tell your date that you’re planning to call a friend to let them know how things are going. If a man is understanding about your concern for safety, then he’s probably on your side.

Send your GPS location. While this can always be found after the fact if you ever go missing, you probably won’t want to get to that point in the first place. There are apps like this one that let you share your location in real time with a trusted few people. This is especially important if your date is picking you up, or if you plan on going back to his place later. That way, if a guy who seemed okay at first starts getting all weird on you in his apartment, your EEP will know where you are and can send for help so that you don’t end up stranded in an uncomfortable situation.

Snap a pic of his license plate. It’s right out there for everyone to see, and it’s perfectly legal to do. In the absolute worst-case scenario, you want your EEP to have as much information as possible to get you the help you need. With a license plate number, anyone can find out the name, address and type of car your date is driving. (And if you think this is scary, imagine how much scarier it could be if you find yourself caught up in some serious stuff, and your friend doesn’t have this info.) If you want, you can tell the man you’re with that you’ve got a pic of his car tags; even this could be enough to deter potential predators from acting out. Besides, a good guy should have nothing to hide.

Read more:

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  • “Breezing” Is The New Dating Trend We Should ALL Be Following
  • Do You Act Like A Hot Girl Or An Ugly Girl? Here Are 20 Differences

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6 Dating Disasters That Actually Make You Stronger

Wouldn’t it be nice if the next guy you date ends up being “The One”? It’s a nice thought, but things rarely work out the first time around. That’s not a bad thing – it just means you have a chance to learn from your mistakes and figure out, over and over and over again, what you don’t want. After all, some of our worst dating experiences teach us the most… at least that’s the idea, anyway.

Being stood up. No girl likes wasting an hour of her life sipping an overpriced, watered down vodka cran and glancing at the door every five seconds, only to end up putting that drink on her credit card and making the trek back home. At least if the guy made an appearance, she’d have something to report back to her roommate at the end of the night. But nope, not in the cards. This may seem more like a non-experience, but the fact that even you, wonderful you, can be stood up, will remind you to stay humble. Nothing is guaranteed, and all you can do is pull up your bootstraps and trek on.

A horrible blind date. You’d think your friends (and in desperate circumstances, your family) would have some idea of what you’re looking for. But let’s face it, blind dates rarely turn into relationships. He may be as dull as dishwater, but look at you, you’re putting yourself out there! A terrible date will always be a good story later, and you can see this one as a warm-up date. Practice your one liners, hone your small talk skills, and by the time you are on a date with an actual contender for the position of Future Husband, you’ll be unstoppable.

Getting cheated on. Depending on how serious your relationship was, finding out your boyfriend’s a cheater is going to affect you in different ways. If he wasn’t taking it as seriously as you were, it’s better to know now. If you thought you guys were solid, the infidelity revelation is a hard pill to swallow. Whether you decide to stay together or not (and either choice is okay), going through something like this and coming out the other side of it fully intact is something to be proud of. How you handle it will teach you a lot about yourself, and what you can and cannot forgive. We all think we’d dump a cheater immediately, but sometimes forgiveness is just as viable an option.

Being tricked by his Tinder pic. A dating app that gives you literally nothing but appearance to go on? Big shocker that people alter their pics just to up their chances of getting a date. They probably think that once you get to know them, you won’t even notice they’re 20 pounds heavier, 10 years older, and balder than their pics. Starting a relationship out on a lie is never a good idea, but maybe this will teach you not to get sucked into the shallow abyss that online dating can sometimes be. Give everyone a chance, because it’s true – looks aren’t everything.

Running into an ex while on a date. Think about it: you probably put some level of effort into your appearance, you’re enjoying a social life, and clearly you aren’t at home pining after him, so embrace this opportunity! Stay calm, introduce your date and act like this is no big deal. Because it really isn’t… unless you’re still hopelessly in love with your ex. You may want to get on top of that if you want this whole dating thing to work out. What can you learn from this? How to roll with the punches, because this is dating, and it isn’t going to get any easier.

Embarrassing yourself. This could mean anything from the dreaded wardrobe malfunction to downing a few too many of those vodka crans to tripping over your own feet on your way out of the restaurant. A date is supposed to be about making a good impression, and if you go home thinking your really blew it, don’t worry. You still have options. A decent guy isn’t going to write you off because you did something a little dumb. Swallow your pride and send him that “thanks for the date!” text anyway. If you bury your head in the sand in shame, he’ll never have the chance to show you that he’s a keeper by never mentioning how you probably shouldn’t wear high heels before you actually learn to walk in them.

Read more:

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  • 16 Reasons The Best Women Often Stay Single The Longest
  • 7 Subtle Signs You’re Hotter Than You Think
  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend

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6 Reasons to Let Your Bestie Take Over Your Tinder Account

Tinder can by trying – the sheer volume of men to swipe through that could potentially be the love of your life can be intimidating. Why not let your BFF take over your Tinder? Not only will it save your pointer finger the anguish of seemingly endless swiping, but chances are, if you’re on Tinder, you need a little outside help picking the perfect partner.

You’ll see that looks aren’t everything. It’s easy to get caught up in swiping left or right based solely on appearances, but if you don’t actually click on someone’s profile to see if you’re compatible, it could be all for naught. Sure, you need to be attracted to your date or mate, but attraction and chemistry can also grow with time. Your bestie will have your best interest at heart and knows that a good brain and good heart is a better match for you than rock hard abs.

You’ll get what you need. We may think that we know what we want out of a potential partner, but it’s not necessarily what we need. Since your BFF has been around for your past romantic blunders and failed relationships, they’re able to clearly see the types of qualities you need in a mate that you may not even know you’re looking for. They also know what kinds of guys are your weaknesses that you should avoid like the plague.

You’ll be pushed out of your comfort zone. Life’s silly sense of humor usually has us ending up with people who have qualities we thought we’d hate. If you always stay in your comfort zone, you’ll never know. Some of those dates probably won’t go anywhere, but it’s always better to test the waters than always stay on the beach on the sidelines. Your bestie taking over your Tinder will ensure you don’t play it safe.

You won’t be able to over-analyze. When there’s potential with a guy and you start to crush on him, you begin to overanalyze all of his messages and send them to three people to approve before you send it to him. If your BFF controls your messages, you won’t be able to agonize over whether using an exclamation point will make you seem desperate or overeager, or if using a period shows a lack of enthusiasm.

You’ll finally get to keep it PG. It’s really easy to get carried away with flirting, especially when there seemingly aren’t any consequences. You don’t even know each other’s last names, for God’s sake. But getting too flirty too fast is a huge mistake – and Tinder is a hotbed of unwanted penis pics. If your best friend is manning your account, he or she will be able to make sure that both the messages you send and receive are appropriate and respectful.

You’ll be excited by the mystery. If you give your bestie full reign of your Tinder account and allow them to set up dates for guys they’ve vetted, it’s not technically a blind date. Meeting a guy who’s crossed all of their Ts and dotted all of their Is and gotten your bestie’s seal of approval is exciting. You may not have chosen this guy, but someone who knows you and wants to find someone amazing has. As agonizing as it is, life wouldn’t be exciting if we knew exactly who we are going to end up with. Allowing your BFF to take the reigns allows you to be full of anticipation and hopefully after you meet, you still have butterflies in your stomach.

Read more:

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Escaping the Game – 10 Reasons to Take a Break from Dating

Sure, dating is great and all – especially if you find someone you really click with – but it can also be completely exhausting. We all hit breaking point, though, and eventually get sick of the endless stream of bad (non)romances.  When that happens, it’s probably a good idea to take a break. After all, there are plenty of things you can do besides looking for a guy.

You can go au naturel. That’s right – no more shaving! You don’t need to stop shaving completely – unless bushes are your thing, then by all means, rock on. But now that you’re not dating, it’s okay to let your legs get to brillo pad status without even looking at a razor.

You can binge on Netflix in peace. Nothing is more obnoxious than when you’re happily three seasons deep into Gilmore Girls on Netflix and the guy you’re dating puts his two cents in about how your sedentary lifestyle and bag-a-day jelly bean addiction is bad for your health, blah blah blah. Now you can watch whatever you want for as long as you want, minus the judgey side-eyes from anyone else.

You can recover your lost sanity.  Does he like you? When should you text him? How come he didn’t text back right away?  All those needling questions you get when you’re in that awkward third date stage where you just don’t know where it’s still headed will disappear when you take dating out of your life’s equation. Sanity saved.

You can be as messy as you wanna be. Dating is about 50{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} upkeep – upkeep of your body, your clothes, your house, your car… When you bid dating a temporary goodbye, you can leave your sweaty workout towels in the back seat of your car or leave that old pizza box on the coffee table until tomorrow, with no worries that someone will get a glimpse of your disgusting side. You can even spend an entire Saturday in sweatpants if that’s what you want.

You can keep the toilet seat down. Where it belongs. Your toilet seat stays down. It stays dry. It keeps its girly lavender smell. Heaven.

You can learn to love the life you already have. Finally, you can put away your  creeptastic “fake smile with nods of agreement while you fall into a coma” face that you end up using on nearly every date. You already know you don’t need a man to complete you, but now you can put your money where your mouth is and live life for YOU, not for love.

You can save some serious cash. Dating is expensive. Between the money you spend on looking good, gas to get there, dinner, drinks – your finances can seriously take a hit. Quitting the dating scene for a while can save your money from another beating. Finally, staying in and ordering Chinese food pays off.

You can simply enjoy being off the relationship roller coaster. Dating, falling in love, falling out of love, break-up. After a few rides on the relationship roller coaster, you’ll feel like you want to hurl. And when you feel like that’s happening to you, it means you definitely need to back off for a while.

You can reconnect with your girlfriends. When you invest so much time in trying to find a romantic partner, you tend to forget the platonic ones you already have in life. Your best friends are there for you when romance isn’t, and it’s time you give them some love, too.

You can figure out what you really want. Take an inventory on the past few guys you’ve dated – do they seem similar to each other? Did they all end up being douche bags?  Sometimes you can’t see that you’ve been voluntarily swimming in pool full of scum until you get out of the pool, so to speak. A break would be a good time to figure out how you got there, where you want to go and what kind of person you want to meet.

Read more:

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  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend
  • 12 Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch

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8 Ways You’re Killing A Guy’s Interest & Don’t Even Realize It

Have you ever heard of “a two-week show”? You know the story – a man puts on a performance for about two weeks during the beginning stages of your relationship (or non-relationship), which is when he’s trying to impress you. In his mind, he’s still in hot pursuit of you in the beginning and therefore needs to plan dates and actually put effort in. Once he thinks he’s caught you, however, the curtain goes down and the show is over. You’re left wondering why he’s stopped trying and wishing the two of you could go back to the dynamic you had in the beginning. So what changed?

You started pursuing him. He’ll no longer pursue you if he feels you’re now pursuing him. If you start inviting him to things, initiating contact, and showing too much interest, why would he feel he needs to continue his pursuit? You need to let him come to you, not the other way around. It really is that simple.

You agreed to a night in too early. He used to take you out to cool restaurants and bars, but now he’s stopped planning dates like that. Why did he stop taking you out? One Friday night, he probably asked you if you’d like to just come over to his place to have some wine and watch Netflix. You agreed, and the date-night-in was born. You see, once a guy thinks you’re cool with just chillin’ at his place, there’s a chance he might stop taking you out altogether, because inviting you over is so much easier for him. The cardinal rule is not to agree to go back to his place at all – for any reason – too early on.

You slept with him too soon. Sorry, but it’s true. Men often will look at you differently if you sleep with them too soon. They’d prefer to place a higher value on your affection, which only happens if you make them earn it.

You showed all your cards. Maintain an air of mystery for as long as you possibly can. He shouldn’t always know where you are, what you’re doing, or know everything you’re feeling when you feel it. Not yet, anyway. If he thinks you’re mysterious and wants to get to know you and find out what you like, he’ll try harder to get to know you on a deeper level. Mysterious women are incredibly sexy – even if it’s just an illusion.

You’re overly attentive to his needs. Maybe you’re too available, too flexible, or revolve your life around his schedule. Maybe you politely offer to meet him at the restaurant rather than asking him to pick you up. Maybe you’re even bringing him gifts. All of these actions prove that he need not put forth too much effort. You’ve made it clear you’re his, and that you’re not going anywhere. You’re allowing him to be lazy, and trying so hard so that he doesn’t have to try at all.

You don’t have high enough standards. You should have high standards for how you deserve to be treated. For example, if he blows off plans with you, you can’t be too nice about it. If you’re too nice, he’ll walk all over you instead of trying to be better for you. If he thinks he can get away with treating you badly, he’ll keep pushing boundaries to see what he can get away with.

You’re complacent. Instead of asking for the things you deserve (like a dinner out instead of takeout at home for once), you settle for what you’re given. Whether it’s because you’re worried you’re going to scare him away or you don’t want to come across as high-maintenance, you have for some reason decided not to communicate what you want to your man. If a man likes you, he won’t think you’re high maintenance. Instead, he’ll respect you for standing up for what you deserve, as it shows you have self-respect. If that scares him away, good riddance! He’s just boy, not a man.

You never give him a time-out. If a guy you’re dating is acting like an immature boy instead of a respectful man, give him a time out! Treat him like a child if he’s acting like one. The best way to teach him a lesson is to avoid him for a few days, making it clear that you’ve got one foot out the door. Then he’ll realize that he needs to up his game or you’re out.

Read more:

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20 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Own Happiness

Happiness may be the ultimate goal in life, but it isn’t something that is easy to achieve. Even when you find yourself in a place where you feel happy with your life, and who you are, it can all fall apart at any moment. That’s the thing about happiness. It isn’t guaranteed, predictable, or overly stable. We need to learn to appreciate what we have in the moment, because I hate to say it but, YOLO, ladies. Let’s make the most of it and stop making the same old mistakes.

You won’t accept what you can’t change. You’re never going to have the chance to date James Dean, no matter how positive you are that you’re soul mates. Let it go.

You worry too much about what people think. Strangers on the street don’t care that your hair’s a mess, and you’re clearly doing the walk of shame. You got laid last night. So walk proud, because no guy would be ashamed to take the subway home on a Sunday in last night’s outfit, and you shouldn’t be, either.

You stay in relationships that are bad for you. Life is too short to waste time on a guy that doesn’t get you. It’s not cliche if it’s true.

You keep jobs that have no room for growth. It was a great entry-level job, and you should be grateful for the experience, but it’s okay to move on when it’s time. They’ll find a new recent grad to fill your position and continue on just fine without you.

You stay friends with toxic people. Just because you’ve known each other since you were 8 doesn’t mean you’re meant to keep trudging through life with her attached to you like some kind of dead extra limb. Cut her loose.

You don’t speak your mind. Whether you believe this or not, keeping your emotions inside does cause physical illness. Finding a balance between tact and honesty is a necessary skill that will do wonders for your stress levels.

You constantly put others before yourself. You’re #1. Repeat it like a mantra until you start living it.

You talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. You don’t want to be one of those people who is all talk and no action, do you? You hate those people. So quit making elaborate plans you’ll never achieve, and start doing something real with your life.

You’re okay with awful sex. That thing that keeps popping up on Instagram says it all — “Life is too short for crappy sex and bad relationships. So go find someone who sleeps with you right and treats you how you deserve to be treated.”

You let guys that don’t care about you lead you on. He’s just not that into you, and if you’re being honest, he’s not that subtle about it. Get it through your head! You don’t need a guy around just to have a guy around. He should be worthy of your time.

You consistently live beyond your means. “Budget” is not a four-letter word. It will guarantee you get to do the things you love, but help you avoid that “past due” credit card bill stress that is frankly, not necessary.

You never take “mental health” days. Sometimes you need a Wednesday off work with nothing to do but leisurely window shop, and treat yourself to a cafe mocha on a patio. Who said you have to be suffering from “probably swine flu” in order to take a sick day?

You stress over the small stuff. Very few things are the end of the world. So unless nuclear war is imminent, take a deep breath and know that this too shall pass.

You obsess over whether you’ll be single forever. You won’t be. Unless that is what you choose for yourself. Let’s just leave it at that.

You let other people bring you down. If you are going to be down, it will be because of something you are dealing with personally, not because you let someone else drag you down with them. Be strong. That’s why they chose you to lean on, because they knew you could take it.

You don’t make time for your hobbies. Life is busy, but it doesn’t have to be all about work and obligations. If you love to paint, then paint! If you love Cross Fit, then work out! Do things for YOU.

You’re too afraid to put yourself out there. You never know what could happen if you just give a new place, a new person, a new job, or a new experience a chance. You’ll regret it a lot more if you don’t try.

You’re not getting a good night’s sleep. You know you’re cranky when you don’t sleep well, so make it a priority from now on. It will make every day brighter, and worth living.

You count calories like it’s the most important thing in life. A balanced diet is great and all, but you deserve that warm, gooey Cinnabon once in awhile. You can work off the extra calories in Pilates later if you absolutely must. But it’ll be worth it.

You wish the time would go faster. Don’t will your time away. Before you know it, you’ll be 80 and wishing you could go back to those busy work days you thought were never going to end. Because they will end, and you’ll want to be sure that you appreciated them while you had them.

Read more:

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  • 16 Reasons The Best Women Often Stay Single The Longest

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Still Single? 9 Reasons Your Social Media Obsession Could Be to Blame

Who’s not guilty of spending just a little too much time uploading selfies to Instagram or going on a pinning spree? Social media can be fun, but it can also be problematic. You sit at home griping to your girlfriends about how you could possibly still be single, but the answer could be the phone glued to your hand that you can’t put down for a second, because heaven forbid you miss a status update from your ex from five years ago. So how exactly can social media ruin your love life?

You never realize you’re being hit on. It’s wonderful you’re letting all your friends know where you are and taking pictures of your drinks, but it’s time to put the phone down and look around you. Surprise! You’re not the only one there. Pay attention to the guy who’s been trying to get your attention. He might not be the one, but he could make for one hell of a story later.

Everyone knows you’re stalking your ex. I don’t really get why some women feel the need to stalk their exes on social media. Be grateful you’re rid of the loser and focus on finding someone better. When you’re busy keeping up with what your exes are up to, you leave behind clues. Guys are getting smarter and if they see you’re still obsessed with what your ex is doing, they’re going to run the other way. Honestly, can you blame them?

You forget to use your words. A social media obsession is just as bad as a texting obsession. You’re thrilled to be out with your friends, so what do you do? You sit holding your phone like it’s the last diamond ring on earth. Slide, tap, click, read, repeat. Yeah, that’s a fun time. When you’re out with people, use your words, not your phone’s keyboard. You can update your status or hashtag your selfies later.

Too much information is never a good thing. How much do you share on social media? Employers aren’t the only ones who check out your profiles before making a decision. After all, if women can do it to see who a guy really is, why can’t a guy? Posting your entire life story isn’t good. Some baggage is best left offline. It’s fine to share with close friends, but not the guy you just met.

You seem desperate. Ladies, let me tell you a little secret. Guys can smell desperation. It can make even the slowest man run like an Olympic track star. Nothing screams desperation quite like your daily updates about being single, how much you hate guys, harassing your latest one night stand for night calling you and 20 different Pinterest boards about a wedding that doesn’t even have a groom yet. I’ve seen these women. Guess what? They’re still single and can’t seem to figure out why.

All you want is perfection. I want to applaud you for thinking you are perfect and deserve perfection return. Okay, now for a reality check. No one is perfect, despite what your friends are posting. Social media makes us feel like crap because we’re constantly comparing ourselves to everyone else. This makes you want perfection. It’s the only way to compete. You end up turning down great guys over some imagined flaw. Forget the imaginary world of social perfection and see how incredible a guy with flaws really is.

Your friend list is like a little black book. The great thing about a little black book is it’s private. Most people with a social media obsession don’t bother hiding their friend list or list of people they follow. Far too many people have more booty calls as friends than anything else. Guys can tell. It’s like a hidden super power. If you’re looking for an actual relationship instead of random booty calls, keep your lists private. It’s not a double standard either. Guys need to keep their social media black book private too.

Two words – selfie overload. This should be self-explanatory. New selfies every day or multiple times a day is just creepy. You’re not a celebrity. If you have so much time on your hands to post a selfie of everything you do, you don’t really have time to date. Selfie overload on social media is like a massive billboard that says – I’m in a relationship with me, me, me!

You’re the queen of debate. You have an opinion about everything. You must share it on every post that even remotely disagrees with you. Congratulations. You won the argument and never noticed  that hot guy across the room. Did I mention how any guy checking out your latest activity doesn’t see “winner”? He just sees a woman being a bitch to all her friends. Trust me, no one finds that attractive.

Read more:

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  • 21 Questions to Ask at Your Next Visit to the Gynecologist
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  • Do You Have Sarmassophobia? It May Be Why You’re Single
  • 14 Little Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Manipulation

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Are You REALLY Open to Love? 10 Signs You Might Not Be

“When you’re ready for love, it will find you.” Chances are, you’ve read that quote off someone’s unfortunate calf tattoo and thought to yourself, “Yeah, I’m ready for love. Definitely!” and “Oh man, I hope that’s a temporary tattoo.” But are you really ready for love? If you’ve been meeting the wrong guys – or not meeting anyone at all – here are a few signs that you’ve been sabotaging your dating life because you haven’t been quite as open to romance as you might have thought.

You’re suspicious of happy couples. Finding someone is tough – so tough that when you see a couple that seems genuinely happy, you immediately suspect a ruse. He’s probably gay or she’s probably a cheating on him, because you just cannot imagine love actually working out between anybody.

You’ve become cynical about romance. Not only are you suspicious of happy couples, but you roll your eyes at rapid fire speed whenever someone mentions Valentine’s Day (money making scheme invented by big business!) or when your best friend starts posting love poems or quotes about her man on Facebook.

You hate going on dates. A blind date would be your absolute worst nightmare because you can barely stomach going on a regular date.  You have to get super dressed up and be all coquettish and it’s just annoying. Why spend a night having an awkward dinner with a stranger when you could just go have some sushi with your friends?

You haven’t learned from past relationships. You truly believe in your heart of hearts that your past relationships would’ve worked out if your boyfriends weren’t such nutbags who were full of issues. Of course, you did nothing wrong at all. It was all his fault!

You have ‘single’ celeb heroes. This past year, it pained you to see serial daters George Clooney and Cameron Diaz abandon their single life to get married.  They were your single heroes! They were your light of hope that single people can be just as happy and fulfilled as people in relationships. Thank goodness you still have Taylor Swift’s grandiose single life to admire on Instagram.

You can’t stop talking about your ex. He’s the bad guy and you have issues to work out so you’re constantly rehashing the relationship and nitpicking everything he did wrong with your friends or (gasp) new guys you go out with. You wonder what could have been and you daydream of an alternate universe where you stayed together and lived happily ever after.

You don’t notice guys who really like you. You’re at a stoplight and a song comes on that reminds you of your ex-boyfriend.  You get lost in thought and you fail to notice that the Jake Gyllenhaal lookalike in the next lane has been smiling at you, hoping to catch your eye before the green light.

Your dealbreaker list is extensive. If only you could find a shy but wild guy, who’s kind and smart and funny and sensitive… but not too sensitive because you don’t want to go out with a sissy. But he can’t be too macho, either, because you don’t want to date a knuckle-dragging caveman. And sure, he can be funny, but he’d better know how to get serious in the bedroom. But not too serious, because it’s fun to be silly in bed.

You’re overly critical of yourself. Your automatic response when someone compliments you is to come back with a rebuttal as to why he’s way off.  It feels like a lie when someone tells you that you’re pretty or nice because, ew, have they seen your flat nose? And he only thinks you’re nice because he’s never seen you when you ‘hangry’ before. If you don’t believe nice things about yourself, how will you ever accept that a guy you’re dating believes them?

You don’t like getting personal. A big reason you sometimes dread going on a date is because whenever someone tries to get to know you, you think he’s being nosy and invasive. You’d prefer it if your dates could just talk about weather, current events and why Kim Kardashian should respect artistry and admit that the blue/black-white/gold dress debacle is what really broke the internet.

Read more:

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  • 16 Reasons The Best Women Often Stay Single The Longest
  • Unless These 13 Things Are True, He’s Probably Not Trying To Be Your Boyfriend

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How to Survive Another Wedding When You’re Still Single

Spring is almost upon us, and along with warmer weather and fresh, pollen sprinkled air, comes the start of the wedding season. This more than likely means you’ll be invited to at least one, if not a half dozen weddings this year. After a while, wedding ceremonies can be agony for a single person who can’t or doesn’t want to find love.  But don’t tear up that invite just yet! Weddings don’t have to be so bad, as long as you’re prepared.

Have your tantrum. I  know. Yet another person found their special somebody while you’ve been on Tinder for months and have yet to swipe right and not immediately regret it.  It’s okay to feel a little bitter, sad or hopeless. As long as it’s not on the day of the wedding or during a wedding function, you’re totally allowed to wallow in your feelings for a day or two. Once you’ve purged yourself emotionally, you’ll be less likely to dwell on it during the wedding.

Be genuinely happy for the couple. When you’re invited to someone’s wedding, you’re invited to the most important day of his or her life. It’s a happy moment that THEY, the happy couple, are choosing to share with YOU.  Simply put, it’s about THEM, not you. It sounds harsh, but here’s the good news: focusing on someone else’s happiness is an instant cure to your single blues. When you push aside all your personal junk and share in the couple’s excitement and love, your sad feelings will temporarily take a back seat.

Treat yourself.A wedding is a great excuse to get dressed up and treat yourself to a few things you normally wouldn’t get to do, like buying that amazing dress you’ve been eyeing with zero guilt. You’re going to a wedding! You have to look nice, right? Cut and color your hair, have a mani/pedi done and go out of your way to get gussied up to the finest, because it’s hard to be in a bad mood when you’re looking all kinds gorgeous.

Enjoy the cake. So much cake! Not only are you dressed up and looking good, but you’ll also be getting cake. For free. Just remember, any day that involves putting cake in your mouth is a damn good day.

DANCE WOMAN, DANCE! Dance like no one cares because really, NO ONE CARES. No one is looking at you, no one is judging you, no one cares because everyone’s focus is mainly on the bride and groom. Use this complete lack of attention to take advantage of the dance floor. Do the robot, partake in both popping AND locking, bust your favorite boy band moves with your friends and be completely unapologetic about being a dancing goof. You won’t be able to help but have a good time.

Ogle hot guys in suits. I’m definitely not saying to use wedding as an opportunity to hit on guys, I’m just saying that it’s a great place for some serious eye candy because, for the most part, guys in fancy suits or tuxedos are a beautiful, albeit rare sight. So enjoy yourself!  Check out the groom’s best men and rate them according to whose broad shoulders are the yummiest.

Plan something fun with friends. Put together a wine tasting trip with friends, a weekend in Las Vegas or stay in your pajamas all day and have an slumber party. Big or small, gather up some friends and start planning. It’ll give you something to look forward to so you won’t be a big bag of bummer at the wedding.

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Ditch Your Type – 10 Ways to Widen Your Dating Pool

Do you find yourself constantly gravitating towards certain types of men? It could be because they have qualities you admire, or maybe they remind you of someone you never quite got over. Whatever it is, there is a reason why dating the same type of guy never seems to work out. If you want to find someone who is right for you, you have to be open to everyone – especially if they aren’t the type that you would normally go for. Look deeper, and you’ll realize there’s a lot more to know about people than what attracts you to them in the first place. You could discover a whole new world of men!

Stop using Tinder. Dating apps that require you to judge someone based solely on their appearance are only going to train you to go for the same physical type over and over. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to mostly dark haired guys, but you’re missing the best part about dating with these apps – the mutual chemistry.

Get out of your comfort zone. If all you do is go to work, work functions, and hang out with people from work, you’re going to constantly be around the same types of people. Hobbies and interests that have nothing to do with your career will expose you to more personalities than you thought possible.

Open your mind. If you have it in your head you’re gonna end up with a tall, dark, business man type who is at least 5 years your senior, you aren’t going to be open to the artistic, laid back, spontaneous guys who might actually give your life that sense of adventure that you need to get out of your shell.

Stop letting your standards control you. That list of deal breakers you have running through your head while you get to know someone is holding you back. So, rip it up and try actually paying attention instead of mentally making everything they say a point for or against them.

Rethink your non-negotiables. Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger is all about the non-negotiables. While there’s no need to waste your time on guys that are super religious or politically conservative when you are the complete opposite, just make sure you aren’t using shallow criteria to rule someone out. If your type has always been the fast track CEO, but it never works out because he has no time for you, maybe you need to accept that a guy with a less demanding job (even if that means he makes less money) will make you happier in the long run.

Say yes more often. Say yes to going out with a new group or friends. Say yes to a blind date with a co-worker’s brother. Say yes to a make your own sushi class. Say yes to a new project at work that will force you to do things you have never done before. Say yes to every new opportunity that comes your way, because how do you know it’s not for you if you don’t try? The same goes for guys.

Quit worrying what everyone else thinks. The first time you make it to a second or third date with the type of guy your friends have never seen you with, they’re going to wrinkle their noses and question your judgement. But that’s only because you’ve trained them to see you with a certain type, and only that type. Ultimately, they just want you to be happy, so if you break they habit, so will they.

See the big picture. So he might not have the best fashion sense. He might prefer beer over wine and he might like cheesy action movies. But is he there for you when you need him? Does he treat women with respect? Does his odd sense of humor have you in stitches more often than not? Those are the things that will keep you interested in the long run. Don’t pick your next boyfriend based on frivolous things, and your relationship will be a lot more likely to stand the test of time.

Age is but a number. You might have this idea that a guy who’s younger than you will never be mature enough. Younger guys are perpetual frat bros who will never be able to keep up with you, right? But that’s not always the case, so don’t let finding out he’s 3 years younger than you shut down an otherwise promising connection.

Don’t compare him to anyone else. Your exes are your exes for a reason, so why would you compare your new prospects to them? Leave the past in the past and focus on what you want and need right now.

Read more:

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  • Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences

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7 Awkward Relationship Firsts and How to Get Through Them

Getting into a new relationship is fun and exciting, sure, but let’s be honest – it’s also super nerve-wracking. It can be hard to navigate awkward and embarrassing moments with your new man, but it’s not impossible. Plus, once you’ve moved past them, you’ll realize those moments weren’t so bad after all. How can you survive? Don’t worry, we’ll help.

The first date. Come on, what’s more awkward than getting together with someone you hardly know (if at all) to mutually judge each other’s personality and looks? First dates are as awkward as they come, especially if you have to find the guy in a crowded bar or pretend like you didn’t just stutter when he asked you how many siblings you have. Breathe, girl. Have a drink.

The first time you totally insult him. Whoops, how were you supposed to know he absolutely loves tiny dogs? You didn’t really mean that men that own them are totally pansies and that you’d never date one. Time to backpedal. Apologize for putting your foot in your mouth and remind him that he clearly changed your perspective on that topic.

The first time you talk about exes. Talking about exes for the first time can be a little awkward because he might ask you how many guys you’ve slept with or if you’ve ever cheated on anyone. Or he might reveal that his ex girlfriend is your favorite actress, which is unsettling in a whole different kind of way. The best thing to do in this situation is to be mostly honest, but remain calm. You don’t want to hide anything that you would regret later, but you also don’t want to lead with the fact that your record of breaking hearts is unmatched in the state.

The first time you have to poop at his house. Ugh. You’ve done everything you can to not drink coffee over at his place when you sleep over, but this morning he surprised you with breakfast in bed. Cute, but now you’re poop-tastic and have literally no idea how much longer you can hold it. It’s bound to happen eventually, and you don’t need the reminder that it’s totally normal, but it’s still weird. He probably won’t be lurking around the bathroom, but if the bathroom is in the bedroom, do what you can to lure him into the other room and then say you’re going to hop in the shower. Then pray that he has air freshener or matches.

The first time you see him naked. Hopefully this is super hot and thrilling and not actually awkward at all, but things happen. The first time we get physical with someone, there’s a lot to take in, from penis size to manscaping and everything in between. Plus, we don’t know each other’s personal preferences, so there can be a bit of trial and error involved the first time we get down. If you happen to be caught totally off guard by something weird happening, it’s best to speak up now or forever hold your peace. It just gets more awkward later when he asks why you didn’t mention your hatred for doggie style until after the 25th time you did it.

The first morning after a really wild night together. Well, if he didn’t know before now, he’s all caught up on the fact that you’re still really bummed out about that kindergarten bullying incident. Wait, did you really invite him to every friend’s wedding that’s occurring over the next year and then shed a couple tears but blame in on being sentimental? Whoops. Your only chances of not feeling a little awkward this one are totally laughing off the night and hope that he was just as drunk and said some weird things himself.

The first time you wonder if he’s lying to you. Odds are your guy is a good one and he’s not lying to you, but it happens. Whether or not he is actually lying, there will probably be a time that you wonder about it. Then what? Awkward. If you tend towards paranoia, try to slow down your manic thoughts so you don’t accuse him of something weird, but when it’s appropriate, just ask for clarification. “Oh, did you mention that you have an ex that lives next door? I missed that.”

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What You Should Know Before Dating Someone Who Lives At Home

Three years ago, I ended a serious relationship, moved out our place and moved across the country to live with my Mom. I’ve since learned that living with a parent(s) as an adult and dating is… well, interesting. If you’re considering dating someone who lives at home, here’s a few things you should know first.

We’re probably going to have to hang out at your place.  This is especially true if we’re going to get naked together. Although I don’t mind having people over at my place that I share with my mom, there’s just not the same kind of privacy. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable in any way. With that said, I’ve definitely had sex under my parents’ roof, but it’s not my #1 favourite location. I can relax and let go way more when I know that there’s zero possibility of a family member making an unexpected appearance.

I’m not a prude, these walls are just really, really thin.  Same goes for phone sex. I dated a guy recently who was really, really into talking dirty on the phone (when I told a friend of mine this, she said, “What is this?! 1996?!”). Although I don’t mind some good dirty talk, I’m not going to do it when other people are home. These walls are very, very, thin and no one aside from you and me needs to hear that stuff. So, I hope your sexting game is on point. After all, it is 2015.

I’m living at home for a good reason. Otherwise, why would I subject themselves to this kind of insanity as an adult?! I always feel slightly embarrassed and defensive when I have to explain my living situation to people, because I automatically assume they’ll think I’m living at home because I’m lazy or have somehow failed at being an adult. The truth is that I paid my way through school and lived on my own for 16 years. Now I’m living at home so that I can launch a business and pay down some of my student debt. So, don’t jump to conclusions. This isn’t permanent.

I don’t need you to pester me about when I planning on moving out.  Trust me, I already worry about this stuff all the time. A few years ago, I dated a guy who’d constantly ask me when I was planning to get my own place. I learned that this was because he had a couple of kids and didn’t want to have me over on his custody weekends (but still wanted to hook up with me, if he could get a babysitter). The easiest way to earn points with someone who is living at home is to be understanding about their situation.

The late night booty call probably isn’t going to happen. Although it’s sometimes nice to receive a late night text message like, “I miss you! Wanna come over right now?” I can’t always accept these invitations if it’s past a certain hour and other people are home. My mom worries if she doesn’t know where I am, which is why, out of respect for her, I like to tell her where I am going. Although she understands I’m an adult who has a sex life, leaving the house at midnight incites a lot of unnecessary awkward questions and forces her to picture me doing things she probably wouldn’t. I also refuse to sneak out of the house like a juvenile delinquent. It’s a respect thing. She allows me to live with her, which means I have to respect her personal boundaries. If you want to see me, make plans ahead of time or at the very least, earlier in the day. You should be doing that anyways.

You’ll probably end up meeting my parents sooner rather than later. Because I live with one of them. My mom isn’t going to hide out every time you come over just to avoid the “meeting the parents” scenario. She’ll probably want to say hello. Don’t worry – this isn’t a big deal and doesn’t mean anything about where we’re at in our relationship. It simply means you’re meeting the person I live with. Besides, my Mom is awesome and everyone loves her. I’m sure you will too.

Read more:

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How to Protect Your Online Reputation

These days, anyone from your future boss, to a blind date, to even your new boyfriend’s mother has the option to get to know you a little bit before you ever come face to face with them. If you have social media profiles, chances are you can be found with a simple Google search. Even if you didn’t post that photo of you doing a keg stand at a frat party in college, if you’re tagged in it, someone might find it. Luckily, there are ways to make sure your most shameful moments don’t end up out there for everyone to see – and you don’t even have to quit all social media cold turkey. You just need to be smart about it.

Google yourself. First things first. You need to see what other people see when they Google your name so you can adjust accordingly. If the first thing that pops up is your LinkedIn profile, you’re on the right track. If it’s that blog rant you wrote about how you just can’t stand your job, you have some work to do, so to speak.

Use the privacy settings. Every social media website has privacy settings for a reason. You should keep accounts like Facebook, and maybe Instagram, as private as possible. You can get away with leaving Twitter and LinkedIn a little more public if you’re using them primarily for career-related things. You don’t need a future employer (or a stalker, for that matter) to know you’re half in the bag at a friend’s bachelorette party one Friday night.

Consider using an alias. A lot of people prefer to guarantee a potential employer won’t be able to find them on Facebook by using their middle name instead of their first name. Your friends and family will still know it’s you, but anyone else will be a lot less likely to find you if they search the name on your resume.

Make sure your friends know the deal. You aren’t 21 anymore, so taking a hundred pictures a night probably doesn’t happen quite as often as it used to. But we all have that one friend that just doesn’t get it. If she can’t be trusted with tagging privileges, delete her as a friend. Maybe then she’ll get the message.

Ask your friends to delete certain things. Even if you aren’t tagged in that photo where you had an accidental nip slip, it’s still online, and there’s just no guarantee it won’t even up somewhere you don’t want it to. Hopefully your friends wouldn’t post your nipple online anyway, and if they would, you might need to reconsider your friends.

Don’t add everyone and their half-cousin as a friend. It may be tempting to pad your follower count with a bunch of people you’ve never even met, but resist. Keep Facebook for people you actually know in person, leave LinkedIn for career networking, and maintain a healthy mix on Instagram and Twitter.

Curb your compulsive TMI. It may be hard to believe in our current culture of over-sharers, but generally no one cares what you ate for breakfast today, or how your boyfriend has learned some new skills in the bedroom *wink*. Just shut up, or you’ll find yourself unfriended.

Be nice. Celebrities are constantly engaging in Twitter feuds that end up as a series of screenshots on TMZ. But you aren’t a Kardashian, and it makes you look unstable when you’re constantly calling people out on social media. If you have a bone to pick, do it in person, and spare your friends and followers the drama.

Don’t be an attention whore. Hands down, the worst kind of people on social media are the ones who post vague woe is me status updates for the sole purpose of getting people to ask them what’s wrong. It’s insincere, and extremely obvious what you’re doing. So don’t.

Don’t tweet while under the influence. At least your indecipherable drunk texts are only going to one person. If you tweet gibberish at 1am on a Saturday night, everyone knows why. Think twice before you post that photo of you and your third tequila shot on Instagram too. By the time you wake up in the morning and delete it, it’s already too late.

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Would You Date You? Questions To Ask Yourself Before Getting Involved

Would you date you? This is an important question to ask yourself when you’re single because if you don’t want to take yourself out to dinner, then go back to your place and have sex with yourself, why would anyone else want to?! So before you go getting into another relationship, close down Tinder App for a minute, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: Are you the kind of person you’d swipe right on?

Do you make an effort? When you go out to the bars or go out on a date, do you make an overall effort to be a contributing part of the date or do you wait for him to start the conversation and work hard to try and impress you? This kind of selfish crap makes you look judgey, pretentious and so not cute. You definitely don’t want to date that person, so do a little self assessment and make sure you’re not turning your dates into a casting call to fill the role of your next boyfriend.

Are you pleasing to the senses? Looking nice is always a good thing.  I don’t mean that in a superficial, “I only wear brand names and starve myself so you can look like a supermodel” kind of way. Do you brush your teeth and comb your hair before going out in public? Do you take pride in presenting yourself well? As much as we want to live in a world where everyone is judged by who they are on the inside instead of how they look, the reality is, you can put off even the most enlightened person when your breath smells like old onions. A little self-care goes a long way in making your best self shine.

Are you confident? You don’t always have to be confident, but you should try and feel good about yourself most of the time. After all, a self-assured woman is a lot more fun to hang out with than, say, one who’s constantly downgrading every compliment she gets and bemoaning the fact that she doesn’t have a thigh gap. Make up your mind about who you are and why you’re great. Self-confidence leaves no wiggle room for needy hobbies like fishing for compliments on Instagram by posting a picture of your dog that’s really just a picture of mostly your boobs.

Are you a nice person? If you haven’t already noticed, finding someone nice is hard to come by nowadays, which is weird because everyone likes a nice person. So why aren’t there tons of nice people walking around? If you’re bucking the trend and choose to be nice to others, even when some people don’t return the favor,  you’ll be happy to know that your affability makes you one hot commodity.  No one wants to date (or even be around) a bitch, so don’t be one.

Are you a good listener? Listening is different from simply hearing, which is an automatic thing that takes no effort. What does take effort is to actually listen – as in paying attention and absorbing what someone is saying. How many times have you actually taken in what someone was telling you versus just waiting for him to finish so you can start talking again? If the latter sounds familiar, don’t worry – a majority of us have done it at one time or another because people, as a whole, are pretty self-absorbed. But if you can master the art of being a good listener, you’ll be a better catch than you already are.

Are you straightforward? Nothing is worse than a woman who’s passive-aggressive when it comes to expressing her needs and desires. It forces the people around you to have to work to figure out what you’re really saying.  It’s exhausting talking to someone that makes every conversation a chore – not to mention, it leaves things open to misunderstandings, which leads to unnecessary fights. So make it easy on yourself and your future boyfriend. Be straightforward, say what you need to say and save the guessing games.

 Are you self-aware? You know yourself inside and out, and you definitely acknowledge both your strengths and your flaws. When you’re being a bitch, you know it, you own it and you apologize for it if necessary.  Trying to be a better person when you don’t have self-awareness is like trying to fix a car without opening up the hood.  It’s just not going to happen. Be on top of our own behavior and you can’t go wrong.

Read more:

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Crazy Thoughts Every Woman Has Before A First Date

First dates can be nerve-wrecking, and when you’re nervous, your brain can start to go into overdrive, making you think some seriously crazy things. But don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone. Any of these thoughts ring a bell?

I want to look absolutely amazing but in an effortless way. But also in a way that he knows I did put a bit of effort into it, just not too much. Or too little. Just the right amount… Is that really so much to ask for!?

Heels? No heels? Shoes? No Shoes? Which Shoes? Okay, so definitely wearing shoes is a good idea. But what kind? And which pair!? Are the red heels too daring? Is black too demure?

I don’t want to be late, but I don’t want to be there before him. Showing up, like, two minutes after him is perfect. Too bad he doesn’t have a tracker on him. Oh, there’s an idea.

Memo to self: Don’t mention anything that gives away the fact that you stalked him on social media. Try and remember the look on your last date’s face after you told him you had seen his vacation photos. Do. Not. Repeat.

I wonder if my parents would like him? Dude. You haven’t even gone on the date yet. You don’t even know if you like him!

I wonder what his ex-girlfriend is like? Do not stalk her on Facebook. Resist. Don’t ask about her, either.

I hope he drinks… so I can, too. Alcohol, sweet alcohol – I need you for social lubricant, but I also don’t want to drink you if he’s not, because then I just know I’ll start nervously rambling on.

How many drinks is 2 too many drinks? Don’t get too drunk. Don’t get too drunk. Don’t get too drunk.

How many jokes is too many jokes? Am I even funny? I wonder if he’d like my joke about the magic tractor?

I’m going to be so mysterious and aloof tonight. Until, you know, I open my mouth.

Are sweatpants okay for a first date? They’re just so comfortable. Or will I look crazy? Or like a slob? Aren’t supermodels rocking them with heels nowadays? Can I pull that off?

To shave, or not to shave… That is the ultimate question.

Time to channel your favorite Sex in the City character. I think I’ll be Miranda with a splash of Charlotte today. Wait, I don’t even like Sex in the City.

I hope he offers to pay, so that I can offer to split the bill because I’m a strong and independent woman. But I’m kind of poor, so maybe I’ll let him pay if he offers… but does that give off the wrong message? Oh God, what do even I want?

Should I wear a hat? Not that you ever wear hats. But a first date is the perfect time to try it out, right?

I Wonder If This Is An Actual Date? Maybe it’s just a friendly dinner? I shouldn’t assume too much… Or should I?

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16 Ways You’re Scaring Guys Away

You’ve found the perfect guy. The only problem is, he runs away screaming by the time the date ends. Does this keep happening? Where do you go wrong? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re scaring guys away. It’s okay – the problem is fixable. Think of guys as cute little deer. They scare easily at first; one wrong move and they bolt. Don’t make these mistakes when you’re first getting to know a guy and he’ll be more likely to stick around.

Going bridezilla on the first date. The vast majority of guys don’t want to talk about marriage until they’ve gotten to know you. Hearing about how you must have periwinkle bridesmaids gowns and doves carrying your train is going to scare him away. The last thing a guy wants is to date a bridezilla. Get the guy first and then focus on wedding plans.

Freaking out over everything. Do you  have a tendency to freak out of the slightest thing? Guys are kind of turned off when they think you’re insane. So what if your steak came out under-cooked? There’s no reason to scream at the waiter and rant the rest of the night. Keep your cool. Some things just aren’t worth the stress. Plus, if you don’t get yourself under control, guys will run for the hills.

Demanding he change his Facebook status. One or two dates doesn’t equal boyfriend. Until the two of you sit down and have the talk about being exclusive, he’s not your one and only. Demanding he change his Facebook status to say he’s taken is a little creepy. Besides, who gives a damn about Facebook relationship statuses?

Taking pics for social media all the timeIf you just love photography, that’s great. You’re not scaring guys away. If you’re a chronic Instagramer, you might have a problem. Guys are more than a little weirded out when you have to post selfies of you eating, selfies of getting in his car, selfies of him opening the door for you and so on. Not only are you paying zero attention to him, but you’re showing him what a self-absorbed diva you are.

Needing constant contact. He didn’t text you back within a few minutes. How could he? Maybe he has a life and has better things to do than text and call you 24/7. Guys are terrified of super needy women. Nothing’s going to scare him away faster than contacting him all the time or demanding he spend all his time with you.

Comparing him to your exes. He knows you  have a past. The start of a relationship really isn’t the time to delve deep into that past. It’s even worse when you start comparing him to your exes. This is fine to do with your girlfriends. He really doesn’t want to know he’s smaller than your last guy. To him, the comparisons just sound like you’re not over your exes yet.

Being a bitch towards other women. Nothing screams bitch more than spending your entire date talking crap about everyone you know. If you can’t say anything nice about your friends, he knows you’re going to do the same thing about him later. Find something nice to say or just let him do all the talking.

Acting like a guy. I get it, you want to make him feel comfortable and make him think you’d fit in with his friends. He already has guy friends. Showing up for a date looking like you’ve been working on cars all day isn’t sexy. Showing off your burping skills isn’t good either. You don’t have to go all out, but attempt to act a little like a lady until you get to know each other.

Forbidding him to go out with his friends. This is a major no no and one guaranteed to scare guys away. No one wants to date the super possessive girl. Even if you’re dating, you both get to have your own separate lives too. Give him some guy time or watch him run.

Asking him to meet your friends and family. The first few dates isn’t the time to introduce him to all your friends and family. It’s too overwhelming and it screams serious relationship. He doesn’t even know you yet. Guys are scared by women who try to get too serious too soon.

Talking too much or too little. It’s not as confusing as it sounds. If the guy has to do all the talking, he’s going to try to run away as soon as possible to avoid being bored to death. If he can’t manage to get a single word in, he’s going to run just to enjoy some peace and quiet. Remember, you’re supposed to have conversations where both people talk to each other.

Making demands. Demanding to go to the most expensive restaurant in town, asking him to dress a certain way and telling him to bring you a specific gift will probably mean the guy runs before the first date even happens. No guy likes to be bossed around. It makes him feel like he’s not good enough. The real problem is you. Stop making demands. You’re not a princess and he doesn’t exist just to serve you.

Interrogating him. Guys don’t have to account for every second of their time. This is especially true in the beginning. No guy wants to go through 20 questions every time you talk. This also goes for wanting to look through is phone, social media accounts and email. You don’t need to investigate his life. Removing his privacy is a sure way to drive a guy away.

Overdoing it on the flirting. We’ve all seen this. A woman wants a guy and tries way too hard to flirt. She laughs too loud even when he doesn’t make a joke. She tosses her hair and slaps some poor bystander in the face. It’s like watching a train wreck. You can’t stop it, but you can’t look away. We all know how it ends though. The guy makes his excuses and leaves as fast as possible.

Making everything a competition. You don’t have to prove you’re better than him at everything. Guys love competition. They don’t love a woman that tries to always show them up. Would you really enjoy it if a guy had to out do you all the time? It’d probably make you feel like crap. He feels the same way and doesn’t want to stick around for more.

Professing your love. Guys aren’t quite as afraid of commitment as they’d like us to think. Still, it’s scary as hell to hear “I love you” by the second date. This kind of goes back to being clingy. Wait just a little before professing your love. Otherwise, he’s going to think you want a commitment he’s not sure he’s ready to give yet.

See, with just a few little tweaks to how you act around a guy will prevent you from scaring him off.

Read more:

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10 Situations Single Women Hate

There’s nothing wrong with being single. In fact, there’s a lot of amazing things about being single. That being said, there are still a bunch of times where you’re acutely aware of the fact that you’re the single one in the crowd. Those times it seems like everyone is staring at you thinking, “what’s wrong with her?” For some reason, attached people always feel the need to help out their poor, single friends in various, sometimes completely unwelcome, ways. Whether you’re happy to be single or not, there are still those times you wish you could just grab the closest guy and make him your temporary boyfriend.

Being the only single person in the wedding party. Remember that scene in He’s Just Not That Into You where Jennifer Aniston’s newly singly character has to walk the dog down the aisle? That’s the stuff of single girl nightmares.

Surprise set ups. No one thinks to ask you if you’re actually interested in going out with the one single guy they happen to know, because they just assume you have nothing better to do. You’re single, after all.

Being the only single person at a dinner party. Your friend promised there would be other single people there. She lied.

Being the third wheel with a PDA-obsessed couple. Do they think you enjoy watching them stare into each other’s eyes, make out, and generally take every opportunity be all over each other? Or did they just forget you were there?

Being the only single girl on girl’s night. While they’re all complaining about how their boyfriend did this or that, you’re scanning the room looking for a guy, any guy, to rescue you. Don’t expect any help from your friends either. They have activated the “we’re taken, don’t talk to us” force field and have no intention of leaving the bubble.

At family functions, having everyone repeatedly ask what ever happened to your ex from high school. She just cannot get it through her head that you guys broke up the day after graduation, and you haven’t spoken to him in years. To her, he’ll always be The One.

When there’s one single dude at the party, but he’s of the HELL NO variety. There’s no way you’ll be able to avoid him the whole night, because his friends blatantly pointed at you when you walked in, and told him, “that’s her, the single girl.”

The “your biological clock is ticking” conversation. You’re well aware you’re approaching 30 with no prospects on the horizon. You can practically feel your ovaries shriveling up with every passing day. Why people feel the need to point out that if you want to have kids you better get on it, like yesterday, is mind boggling.

Having to choose between spending a Saturday night alone, or out with all your coupled up friends. It’s always one of those lesser of two evils decisions, and it all really boils down to what the snack selection is going to be like.

When the only hot guy in the bar is taken. Sure, there are single guys around, but they don’t have the dimples and biceps of that guy with the blond girl hanging all over him. When you start thinking that maybe you could take her, it might be time to throw in the towel and call it a night. You’ll have plenty of other chances to be the single one everywhere you go, but tonight your PJ’s and Netflix are a lot more appealing.

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The Most Controversial Dating Advice You Should be Following

You’re going along and making up your own rules for dating. How’s that going for you? You thought ignoring the advice from your friends or even your mom would help you land someone perfect in half the time. The only problem is everyone’s taken except for you. What do you do? It’s time to quit trying to recreate the wheel and listen to some of the more controversial dating advice. It worked in the past and it still works today. Why? We’re all programmed to think this way, so just go with it and enjoy all the perks that go along with it.

Play hard to get. It’s a classic, yet one that’s often ignored. I get it – you’re afraid if you play hard to get, he’ll get bored and move on. I’m not saying play impossible to get. Just make him work for it a little. If he says “hi” and you immediately jump in the sack with him, he’s just going to think you’re easy. Guys like a challenge. Too easy and they get bored. Make him pursue you just a little before he gets any treats.

Let him pay. Independent women seem to think letting a guy pay for dinner is some kind of crime against nature. Calm down, ladies – don’t get your panties in a wad. Unless you asked him out, let him pay for the first date, at least. Guys are a little intimidated when a woman doesn’t seem to need them at all. Plus, when he pays, it feels more like a date to him. Otherwise, he feels like he just got friend zoned.

Don’t date outside your list. Don’t have a list? Why not? Stop daydreaming and make a list of the qualities any guy must have before you find him attractive. Stop wasting your time dating guys who don’t even come close to meeting your standards. I’m not saying write a book, but a one page list helps define what you really want so you can actually find what you want.

Establish what you both want upfront. Most people will tell you to skip any mention of the future on a first date. That’s bad advice. Instead, go for the controversial dating advice. Ask the guy what he’s looking for. Does he just want a casual relationship or is he looking for a wife? Maybe he just wants a compatible booty call to have on speed dial. It’s better to know if you’re both on the same page upfront. Neither of you want to waste time if each of you are looking for different things.

Wait to call. You should always wait at least a day or two to call. If he calls or texts you quickly first, wait to respond. It all goes back to playing hard to get. If you seem too eager, he’s going to think he’s got you. Once again, make it work for it a little.

Talk in person. Texting isn’t a substitute for a real conversation. You like someone enough to date them. Why can’t you at least talk to them with your voice and not a keyboard? Limit the texting and even phone calls (unless it’s a long distance thing) and plan to meet in person. Spending time face to face is the best way to learn more about each other. I know it scary to put the phone down, but you’ll find dating is much more fun this way.

Stay separate. This might seem to contradict my last point, but what I mean is you shouldn’t become a mindless zombie when you start dating someone. It’s one thing to spend more of your time with your new guy, but don’t let him completely change your life. Don’t give up your friends or spend every moment with him. You need your own identity. Keep some space between the two of you or you’ll be completely lost if everything goes south in a few weeks.

Do something he wants to do. No, not sex, though that’s definitely something he wants to do. Guys love to have their egos stroked. Dating isn’t all about you. He may have planned the first date to cater to you or as something general you both would enjoy. When planning the next date, try to incorporate one of his interests. This shows you want to get to know him better and encourages him to try one of your interests too.

Skip the drinks. You’re not your best when you’re drunk. How are you even supposed to remember your date’s name after trying every fruity concoction on the menu? The only thing a guy finds attractive about this display is it’s easier to get you in bed. Try to be a little lady like and limit yourself to one or two drinks at most. If he’s a heavy drinker, call a cab and leave his ass at the restaurant.

Don’t be exclusive at first. Dating doesn’t equal relationship. Some people believe in a dating rule that states you should only date one person at a time. That’s fine if the other person isn’t dating anyone else. Dating is no different than going out with friends, except you might get a kiss or even laid at the end of the night. Keep your options open and date other people at the same time (obviously you shouldn’t have dates that overlap). If you’re ready to be exclusive, then talk about it with your date. Otherwise, it keeps the guy on his toes knowing he has competition.

Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu. Okay, if it’s what you really want, then fine. A date isn’t someone to be used.  Guys have been programmed to think an expensive dinner equals sex. It’s sad we have to remind them we’re not prostitutes. Still, it’s kind of rude to ask a guy you’ve just met to buy you an $80 steak dinner plus the best wine the place has. Go for a more moderate option. Better yet, pick a more casual restaurant to limit expectations so everyone’s more relaxed.

Ask him out. It’s still kind of taboo for a woman to ask a man out. But if the chemistry’s right and he seems interested, ask him out. It’s actually really sexy for a woman to make that first move. It shows you’re interested and aren’t afraid to ask for what you want. Just remember, after that first date, go back to playing hard to get! It’s now his turn…

Drive separately. Traditionally, the guy picks up the girl. It’s safer and smarter to drive yourself, especially on a first date. Unless you’ve known the guy a while, you haven’t really had a chance to see if he’s really a nice guy or a complete weirdo. First appearances can be deceiving. Driving separately and meeting gives you the freedom to leave whenever you want. It make sure the guy works harder to keep you interested and around. It places control in your hands.

Mix these rules in with your own and you’ll see a difference in your dating life. Who knows, you might even find dating’s more enjoyable this way.

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19 Things Single Women Are Tired Of Hearing

It’s amazing how many people seem to think single women must be completely clueless when it comes to dating. I get that you think you’re helping, but frankly, hearing the same old tired advice again and again just gets on our nerves. Maybe I don’t want someone right now. Did you ever think about that? Maybe the last guy was such as royal douchebag that I don’t feel like trying again right now. And listen – just because you’re taken doesn’t mean you know more. Let me worry about my love life and I won’t point out everything that’s wrong with your supposed fairy tale. We’re tired of hearing it.

You just need to try a little harder. Wait, I actually have to try? Okay, let me just put on the shortest skirt I can find and go stand on a street corner. Think that’ll work? I’ll either meet someone on my terms or I won’t. Simple as that.

You’re beautiful. I just don’t understand why you’re single. Yes, because guys only want me for my looks. Let me just get all dolled up and be paraded at the next ball. I’m sure my stunning beauty will have every guy asking for my hand in marriage.

You’re better off without him. This might very well be true, but we all know what you really mean: how did you screw up another relationship? Yes, I am better off without him. Now get off my case about finding yet another guy.

I’ve got the perfect guy for you. No, you don’t. Just stop right there. I’m not interested in your second cousin’s best friend’s little brother’s friend. I’m sure he’s great – for someone else. I’ll ask you if I want you to set me up. Otherwise, focus on your own life.

Aren’t you lonely? Actually, no. I’m not defined by my relationship status. I still have a job, friends and family. Though if you keep asking stupid questions like this, I might have one less friend. Believe it or not, I’m probably around more people than you are now.

You don’t know what you’re missing. Really? I bet you have no idea how annoying that comment is, either. Do you know how much fun I had last night ordering a pizza, eating the whole thing and not having to give a damn what my boyfriend thought? Nope, I’m not missing anything.

Have you tried meeting guys? I never thought to that. I guess I actually have to leave my house and attempt conversation with the opposite sex. Yes, I have tried meeting guys. That’s why I’ve dated people in the past. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m a hermit.

Don’t you want to have a baby? I don’t actually have to have a guy to have a kid. Besides, did you ever think I might not even want kids? How about you go deal with your own heathens and not wish the same torture on me.

You should lower your standards. Do you even know what my standards are? Besides, why is it such a crime to know what I want? You’re not really much of a friend if you think I need to just settle for the first thing with a penis. I’ll decide what guy’s right for me, thank you very much.

I feel so sorry for you. Why? Honestly, I don’t understand. I’m happy. I have a great life. I’m sure there’s someone out there who will make me even happier, but my happiness isn’t dependent on meeting “The One”. I’m the one who feels sorry that you can’t understand that.

Maybe you should dress up a little more. Maybe I’ll just go get a little plastic surgery, too. Thanks for telling me I look like crap. I really appreciate it. This is my style. If you don’t like it, tough. If he doesn’t like it, he can go find himself a Barbie doll.

I wish I was still single. You’re the same person who was giving me advice on why I need to date. Now you want to be single like me? Make up your mind already.

I was already married at your age. First of all, thanks for calling me old. I’m glad you met someone and it all worked out. I never knew there was a set age for me to settle down and have a family. I’ll get around to marriage when I’m good and ready.

There are plenty of great guys out there. Okay, let me just go have a nice big orgy with all those nice guys. I thought the idea was to find one. A great guy doesn’t equal the right guy. There are plenty of great women out there too. Did you ever think about that?

Why are you single? Why is this important to you? I don’t know. It just kind of happened that way? Does that answer get you off my back already?

If you pray about it, you’ll find someone. Prayer isn’t like having your own personal genie. I pray for world peace, but it doesn’t mean all wars magically stop. I’m praying you’ll quit giving me advice, but I see that hasn’t happened yet.

Maybe you should try a few more dating sites. Yes, because I have so much time to spend on 15 different dating sites that probably have all the same people. Why don’t I just put myself up on an auction block and hope for the best? Believe it or not, I do have better things to do than live on my computer, hoping mister right sends me a message.

I bet you’re saving so much money. What? I guess you only spend money if you’re with someone. I mean honestly, single women have absolutely no bills. Umm… I do have to pay for a place to live, a car to drive and of course, food. No, I’m not buying gifts for my guy, but I have all the other finances to take care of.

Maybe you’ve already met the one. So you want me to go back through all my exes and see if they want me back? No thanks. Those relationships ended for a reason. I think I’ll just go out and find someone new. Thanks for the crappy advice though.

So how do you deal with all this great advice? Roll your advice, give them the look and walk away.

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The Woman’s Guide To Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Nothing’s more frustrating than being into a super hot guy, only to have him call you his buddy or some other non-romantic term. Just like that, you’re in the friend zone. He’s treating you like one of the guys and talking about that cute girl he met last week and you just want to jump and scream, “Hey! Hot girl right here!” If you play your cards right, you might just be able to grab his attention and get him to see you as more than a friend.

Play it cool. If you start begging and pleading for him to give you a chance, you might lose him altogether. You’re not getting out of the friend zone over night. Take your time and play it cool. Patience is definitely a must in this case.

Date other guys and talk about it. If he’s treating you like one of the guys, then act like it. It’s amazing how a guy suddenly notices a woman as soon as she starts dating someone else. Avoid dating within the circle of friends or he might avoid you due to the bro code. While you don’t have to get serious, date someone while you’re waiting and don’t forget to tell him all about it. A little jealousy can be healthy.

Flirt with him. This should be a given, but some women give up when they’re labeled as a friend. Don’t give up! Try some friendly flirting. It doesn’t have to be anything overtly sexual, but make sure you’re giving off the right signals. As a plus, his friends will likely notice and ask him about it.

Dress up a little. The guy’s probably used to seeing you dressed casually. Suggest hanging out at a nicer restaurant, bar or club. The idea is to have a valid reason to dress up a little. Of course, you could also tell him you have a date later and didn’t want to have to go home to change. Make him see you as a woman, not one of the guys. Go ahead and break out your little black dress and heels.

Get him one on one. Guys get distracted easily when they’re with their friends. You might be flirting your ass off, but he’s oblivious. The solution is simple — get him one on one. Find an activity you know he loves and ask him to hang out with you. Try making sure his other friends are busy at the time. Now’s your chance to really flirt and show him the signs he’s been missing.

Play a new role. No, I’m not talking about sexual role playing. You’re in the friend zone, so no sexy time allowed… yet. Try to figure out how the guy sees you. Does he think of you as a little sister? Are you more like his best guy friend? Are you his wing woman? Maybe you’re his problem solver. Work to change how he sees you. It’ll change your friendship a little, but if you work slowly, his perception will change.

Give him some space. No, he won’t forget you. The problem is that he sees you all the time. How does he even know what he’s missing? Make some excuse to spend less time with him. It could be you’re dating someone or you’re involved in a new hobby. Whatever it is, give him a chance to truly miss having you around. The more he misses you, the more he thinks about you. Suddenly, you’re stepping out of the friend zone and you have a real chance.

Ask him to help out. Give him a reason to spend more time with you and get involved in your life. Ask him to help out with small or big things. Maybe you need help moving or painting a room. Maybe you need a partner for a charity event. The more things he can help you with, the more one on one time you get. Plus, he’ll start seeing how valuable he is to your life.

Tell him how you feel. After you’ve done some legwork, it’s time to finally tell him how you feel. You should probably reserve this conversation for when you think he’s starting to show interest or if you’ve given it your all and you still can’t tell. Sometimes being upfront is best. Maybe he was just afraid of ruining the friendship. If he turns you down, at least you know how he really feels and you can move on.

Make a move. You’ve given every obvious sign, but he’s still not responding how you want. Get him alone and make a move. Now’s your chance to make things physical. Tell him there’s something you’ve wanted to do for a while and kiss him. He might be shocked at first, but if he’s in to you, he’ll respond. If you’re not quite that brave yet, do small things like touch his arm, hug him, lean against him  or whatever type of physical contact you can get.

Make him sensitive. I’m talking about emotionally, so minds out of the gutter! You’ll need him away from his friends for this one. Steer the conversation to an emotionally charged topic such as past heartaches or deep fears. The idea is to get him to pour out his heart to you. We all know what happens now. You’re both all mushy and the next thing you know, the two of you are tangled up together on the floor, ripping clothes off. You’re definitely out the friend zone at that point.

The friend zone happens to everyone at some point. It sucks, but with some work, you can change his mind and make him give you a chance.

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First Date Dread: Why Going Out With A New Guy Is The Worst

First dates aren’t the actual worst. You get to know someone new, and you may even get a drink or two out of it — maybe even more if you want to embrace your inner lush completely. They end up being a moderate amount of fun, and can be far superior to spending the night with Netflix. But even if it’s the first date of your fantasies, there are still some serious drawbacks when it comes to meeting somebody.

Sometimes the guy looks entirely different in reality.Maybe it’s a set up courtesy of a friend of a friend that you just couldn’t say no to, a right swipe on Tinder, or you met at a bar and kind of forgot his face, sometimes he’s just not what you were expecting. Maybe your friend showed you pictures from almost a decade ago, when he had yet to develop a beer gut and a bald spot. Perhaps when you met at a bar you failed to realize that once you stand up, you tower over him. Sometimes things just don’t line up.

The night out can be expensive. Whether you’re a fully fledged feminist who goes halfsies no matter what or a southern belle who firmly believes that the gentleman always pays, you’ll have to drop some type of dollars. Either you’re buying the first round, or you’ll have to spend money on a cab home (or one to work in the morning, depending on what you’re into).

You’re stuck knowing stuff about a stranger.Even if you never see this dude again as long as you live (although you probably will late night when he’s out with someone else, because that’s how the universe works), you suddenly know lots about him. It’s like a job interview that doesn’t end in gainful employment, but you end up with lots of useless knowledge about the company.

First dates don’t exactly lead to lifelong friendships. Even if there was zero chemistry, you probably had something to talk about. Unfortunately, ”friend dates” with someone you may or may not have kissed just sound awkward. Now you know everything from his favorite restaurant to his childhood stories, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be having Netflix marathons and ordering pizza.

You have to pretend you don’t know everything about him already.Let’s be honest – if you’re going out with someone, you’ve already Googled him fully. After all, better safe than on an episode of Law and Order: SVU that was ripped from the headlines. Despite the fact that we all know everything about everyone via social media stalking, we have to pretend to be less creepy. So, you act surprised at all of the little nuggets about his life that were easily accessible on Google and LinkedIn.

He probably secretly creeped on you on social media. The reality is that he probably knows just as much about you (okay, he probably hasn’t Zillow-ed your apartment or gone back to your Facebook photos from middle school), but hides it… or at least that’s what you’d like to believe, since he’s not asking you anything. That means he saw all of those embarrassing photos of you from college pre-games and read your latest blog entry about how awful dating is.

The will-he-or-won’t-he part inevitably makes you completely crazy. Directly after the date, you’re wondering how the night will end. Sometimes that means you’re hoping that he won’t lean in for a kiss because you’ve been trying to escape for the past hour, but it can also mean you’re actually hoping for a quick make out sesh. Either way, once that’s over, it’s back to the will he ever actually text, and not in the booty call capacity once it’s the weekend.

Waiting for a text is the worst.If no text ever comes and you were convinced you both had a good time, suddenly you’re questioning everything. Should you have stuck to a two drink minimum like Patti Stanger suggests? That third one might’ve had you babbling… Should you have gone home and changed instead of trekking directly to happy hour from work? Unclear, but that just sounds exhausting. The deliberating that takes placex post first date leads to enough craziness that it could call for therapy… and you’re not spending that type of money on a first date.

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Ladies, Being Too Nice Isn’t Hot — Here’s Why

Being called “nice” used to be considered a good thing. But in our eat or be eaten world, nice girls are often put on the back burner in favor of the more exciting, mysterious, and even dramatic girls. Most guys are drawn to a girl who will make their heart race and keep them on their toes, and unfortunately “nice” girls don’t exactly do that. In love, you don’t want to fly under the radar, you want to be the kind of girl no guy can stop thinking about. Here’s why “nice” girls often come up short in love.

They don’t make an impression that lasts. Nice girls are usually the wallflower type. They’d rather fade into the scenery than ruffle any feathers. Therefore, people tend to forget they even exist.

They let guys walk all over them. Guys love to push girls’ buttons. They’ll do it on purpose to test her limits. But the nice girl doesn’t have any, and as soon as a guy realizes that, he loses all respect for her and it’s downhill from there.

They give guys too many chances. Instead of cutting a guy who betrays her out of her life, the nice girl will give him another chance. And another. And another. Whether he deserves them or not, she always thinks it’s her duty to let him prove he can change, when it would be better for both of them if she just walked away.

They’re afraid to step on any toes. She and her friend have their eye on the same guy, but the nice girl will always bow out gracefully rather than fight for what she wants.

The don’t take risks. Not only will the nice girl probably not ask a guy out, she’ll rarely venture far outside of her comfort zone at all. She’ll have a hard time meeting new guys, or intriguing them at all because she’d rather be nice than interesting.

They’re boring. You always know what to expect with a “nice” girl. She always does the right thing, and while that’s great and all, being predictable isn’t.

They’re afraid of confrontation. The nice girl doesn’t start fights. In fact, she avoids them at all costs, even if that means she ends up getting the short end of the stick every time.

They don’t stand up for themselves. Nice girls are always putting everyone else’s needs before their own. Of course relationships require a certain level of compromise, and you can’t always get what you want, but nice girls have become accustomed to never getting what they want, and have come to expect it.

They think being “nice” is enough. They rely so much on their image as the nice “girl next door” that they forget guys like girls with personality. No guy wants to date someone who is just nice. They want a little edge.

They seem like they lack passion. She doesn’t fight for anything because she’s afraid to rock the boat, so it seems like she doesn’t really care. She spends more time making sure everyone else is happy than herself, and guys notice how two-dimensional that makes her.

Read more:

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Who Should You Go To For Relationship Advice?

We’re all guilty of giving terrible relationship advice. I don’t care if you think you’re Patti Stanger, only younger and without all of that plastic surgery. Even with the hours spent logging Millionaire Matchmaker marathons to prove you’re equipped to dispense romantic advice, at some point in the not-so-distant past, you’ve told a friend something about a dude to placate her instead of telling the truth, and she’s done the same to you. It isn’t mean spirited, it’s just that most relationship advice is based more on what you’ve been through than your friend’s current situation. It’s a combination of all the dudes in your life and what your friend says to you about her guy, instead of being about her actual experiences, which means that when it’s time for you to ask the hard hitting questions, you have to carefully consider who you should talk to.

Your brunch buddies.Asking for relationship advice is tough, especially when you have a hard time actually telling your friends what’s going on with a new guy. After all, you don’t want to be that one cheesy friend who waxes poetic about her new dude and thinks she’s like a Disney princess, when the reality is that she’s more like a Real Housewife. Obviously boys are the best brunch discussion topic, but sometimes you want to keep your new boo private until you figure out what’s actually happening.

Your one friend who always tells it like it is. Even though it sounds like Sex and the City, the reality is that every crew has a Samantha/Miranda hybrid that’s easy to talk to you when you need help deciphering a text. While the truth bombs she drops are most similar to He’s Just Not That Into You, it’s far superior to waiting for a text that’s never going to come.

Your one friend who always makes you feel better. Depending on your mental state, you might be more interested in someone telling you that he’ll definitely call than learning the cold, hard truth. Whether she tells you to send that midnight text you’re deliberating over or convinces you that he’s probably not over his ex yet and that’s why you haven’t heard from him, she’s 100{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} likely to make you feel like everything’s going to be okay (even if it isn’t). We all need that friend, but that doesn’t mean that what she says comes from a real place.

Your bitter bestie. Maybe she had a particularly gruesome break up, or maybe she’s been in a relationship for so long she forgot what dating’s actually like in the real world. Whatever it is, it means that her relationship advice makes you wonder if you should just throw in the towel completely. Seeking out your friend who tells the truth is better than spending time with this girl, because you’ll just end up even more depressed than you started.

Your well meaning, but often wrong, family.While your mom gives great r-ship advice because she’s been through everything herself a thousand times over, the fact that she’s waiting for grandbabies means that she may be a little more forgiving than you’d like. While you’re obviously not going to start asking your great-aunt for input anytime soon, if you have brothers they might be more useful than you give them credit for.

Your roommate(s). Your roommate is the one human who actually sees who you go out with consistently. Whether that’s no one at all and she’s decided it’s time for you to lower your standards, or you keep parading a collection of douchebags through the door, she knows you best (it’s unclear whether or not that’s a good thing).

Your exes (the ones you don’t actually hate). In an ideal world, you’d be able to maintain friendships with your ex-boyfriends. In the real world, it’s hard to grab happy hour drinks with someone you used to bone, especially since there’s not much of a difference between your relationship then and now (minus the sex part). If you do manage to maintain some kind of semblance of a relationship, they do know you better than anyone when it comes to the bedroom — which means they can advise you accordingly.

Your guy friends. Guy friends were basically made to do everything your best friends can’t, like tell you what your new guy’s really thinking. Sure, it means that sometimes you’re privy to the most disgusting comments you’ve ever heard in your entire life, but it pays off in the end. There are only so many times you and your girls can go over the same text without going crazy, and that’s where they come in.

Your best friend’s boyfriend. He can be a good resource because he’s in a relationship, you’ve known him for years, and he won’t turn it around and get creepy with you. At the same time, he’s probably not quite as interested in hearing about your boy troubles as you are in telling him.

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“Rules” You Should DEFINITELY Break On Your First Date

First dates are nerve-wracking enough without having to remember a bunch of arbitrary rules you’re supposed to follow. But if you think about it, if you’re following all the same rules as every other girl, how will you ever stand out? Your flaws are what make you unique and beautiful, so why hide them? Of course, there are always some things you shouldn’t do on a first date, like propose, or list off every guy you’ve ever slept with, but in general being yourself is the only rule you should actually follow.

Waiting for him to ask you out. Why wait around for him to do the asking every time? You’ve got nothing to lose by biting the bullet and seeing if he’d be down for a simple coffee date, because let’s face it, if you wait for him to ask, you might be waiting awhile.

Expecting the guy to pay. You should always at least offer to pay for your half. Whether he accepts or not is his choice, but you shouldn’t assume he’ll take care of it, especially if you’re the one who asked him out in the first place.

Making him plan the entire thing. How is he supposed to know what you do and do not like? Guys always like when you take a little of the pressure off and suggest a fun activity rather than expecting him to take you to a fancy dinner every time.

Refusing to go beyond a kiss on the cheek. No one’s saying you have to sleep with the guy on the first date, but there’s nothing wrong with a little making out if the chemistry is there, and the mood strikes.

Never asking about past relationships. You don’t need to interrogate him about why all his past relationships didn’t work out or anything, but asking a question or two about what kind of girls he’s dated in the past might give you an idea of what he’s attracted to, and if you two are really compatible.

Avoiding topics like religion and politics. There’s no need to have a lengthy debate about your religious beliefs or political ideals, but getting a general idea of the things that are important to each other can’t be a bad idea.

Letting him call the shots. Why wait for him to answer first when the waitress asks if you want another round? If you want one, go for it!

Not ordering any messy food. There’s no way he’s not getting the pound of wings with extra BBQ sauce, so why should you hold back? He’ll love how laid back and adventurous you are, and that you aren’t afraid to get a little dirty.

Seeming too aloof and mysterious. Playing hard to get is cool and all, but how can you expect him to ask you out on a second date if you seem completely uninterested during the first date? This is your opportunity to flirt, so don’t hold back.

Waiting for him to make the first post-date move. You’ve already asked him out, helping plan the date, offered to pay, and ordered the messiest thing on the menu. Don’t let it all go to waste now by reverting back to traditional gender role behavior. Do the unexpected and he’s guaranteed to be even more intrigued than he was before.

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10 Signs You May Be a Late Bloomer in Love

Not everyone finds the love of their life in high school. Okay, most people don’t. But generally, we think that the time to have our first boyfriend, first kiss, and maybe a lot more than that is while we’re still teenagers. For some reason, hitting 20 without experiencing any of those things can be a source of shame for some. But there’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a late bloomer. The opposite sex can be intimidating, and the most important thing is that you’re ready and excited to experience all those firsts with the right person.

You feel unnecessarily awkward around the opposite sex. You’ve spent so little time actually getting to know guys in general that you just don’t get them. They are like some kind of mysterious alien species you want to study, but don’t even know where to start.

You never even attempted makeup in high school. While your friends were experimenting with white eyeliner, you were getting up 10 minutes before you had to be out the door. They thought makeup would make the boys notice them, and you just couldn’t care less.

You were more focused on what colleges to apply to than what guys you wanted to date. A well written college admissions essay had a lot more potential to get you into law school than a date with the quarterback of the football team.

Your first kiss was so awkward that your second kiss didn’t happen for years after that. You were probably caught off guard and had no idea what to do with your tongue. You had no idea what the hype was all about and decided to forget about the whole thing.

You didn’t have a boyfriend until well into your twenties. And frankly, you didn’t really care. You saw what your friends had to go through with guys, and you’d much rather wait for a guy with a little more experience with relationships than have to be the one to teach him everything.

Losing your virginity was never a big priority. While everyone else was talking about when and who and where, you were perfectly comfortable living the awkward moments through them and cherishing your virgin status.

You rolled your eyes at your boy crazy friends. It was actually exhausting trying to keep up with their constantly revolving door of guys to crush on, so you resorted to giving them nicknames like “curly haired guy” or “bushy eyebrows guy”.

Even when guys did show interest in you, you couldn’t be bothered. You weren’t harboring any unrequited love waiting for the day that guys would start noticing you. Even when they were interested in you, you just didn’t have time for the BS that inevitably comes along with dating.

But you were usually oblivious to guys checking you out anyway. If your friend told you a guy was looking at you, you’d snort back a laugh and continue about your business.

Your standards are ridiculously high. You were never one to fall head over heels for a pretty face. You need substance, and the guys your age just never did it for you.

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7 Things To Know Before Dating An Extrovert

So you meet a new person that you might be interested in, but they’re more of a social butterfly than you. If that’s not your natural personality type, extroverts can seem overwhelming and hard to cope with. But all is not lost! Introverts and extroverts can totally make it work, as long as they “get” where the other is coming from. Just like there are things to know before dating an introvert that will make the relationship easier, there are also things you should understand about extroverts if you want things to go smoothly as possible.

Their social calendars are pretty impressive. Extroverts just aren’t the type to sit at home if there’s fun to be had elsewhere. They make plans to make sure they have things to do down the road. Some introverts might be overwhelmed, but because they aren’t clingy, it can be a good thing! Sometimes extroverts have no problem going out alone.

Being outgoing doesn’t mean they’re flirtatious. Extroverts know how to turn on the charm to make social events smoother. Others might assume they’re flirting, but unless they’re truly the flirtatious type, then take it as them being friendly and tone down the jealousy.

They always have awesome date ideas. Going out often and talking to lots of different people has its perks! Extroverts tend to know what’s going on, and where there are good places to eat and hang out. Dating one will get you through your relationship bucket list in no time!

Conversation with them never gets dull. Introverts sometimes need help in this department, and having a conversation with an extrovert can be just what they need. Extroverts get energy from conversation, so they really know how to keep things interesting. This is definitely a plus when it comes to first dates.

When something is wrong, they’ll let you know about. Some would call it confrontational, but extroverts tend to be honest about their feelings and let them out. This prevents a stalemate happening if the other person tends to hold things in. It also helps communication continue in the relationship, so don’t get intimidated.

They’re really into social media. Since they’re all about being up on what’s going on and connecting, be prepared for them to be really in tune with their feed. It could be a negative thing if they have absolutely no filter, or if they’re just completely obsessed with it, but generally, it can be fun that they’ve always got the gossip.

Get ready to meet all the people they care about (and then some). Relationships usually have that period where couples disappear because they want to spend all of their time just with each other. Extroverts, however, crave a bigger group, so be prepared to meet more people earlier than expected. It could be off-putting to an introvert, but take it as a compliment!

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Are You A Serial Dater? 7 Signs You Might Be

There are two types of people in this world: relationship people and non-relationship people. Some of us completely embrace the joys of being wild and free, but not all of us are as entertained by the single life. While our friends are out partying, some of us are crossing our fingers hoping that the plans with our male companion don’t fall through. If this sounds like you, then chances are you are a serial dater. Here are a few more signs to help you differentiate.

You choose hanging out with a guy over hanging out with your friends. The weekend is coming up and your girlfriends are starting to make plans. You’re hesitant to commit because you’d much rather be out on date night. Even when you’ve committed to plans with the girls, you somehow end up ditching them when you hear from your man of the moment.

You tend to talk to multiple guys at once. You want to keep your options open because you might like one guy more than the other, but you’re not sure if he’s as interested in you. You make sure to keep yourself busy and feel the need to have multiple men just in case one of them isn’t texting you back.

You already have a back-up in mind just in case things go south with the current guy you’re talking to. Even while you’re preoccupied with someone, you’re already thinking about the next one. You create a backup plan in your head just in case things don’t work out with your current guy. You can’t stand the thought of being left alone and heartbroken, so you make sure to plan ahead.

You legitimately can’t remember the last time you weren’t involved with someone. When you look back, you notice that you’ve always been “with” someone, whether it be in an actual relationship, seeing someone casually, or just hooking up. You can’t remember the last time you were completely single and alone since the 6th grade.

You spend a great deal of time browsing internet dating sites like OKCupid or Tinder. You have multiple accounts on several different dating sites and you’re constantly checking your messages or swiping right, even while you’re out with friends. You’re obsessed with scrolling through profiles to scan potential eligible bachelors.

You’ve double (or triple) booked dates in one night. Yes, it’s wrong, but you’ve managed to successfully pull off multiple dates in one night. You meet for drinks with one guy, go to dinner with the other, and then end the night with a completely different guy. Bravo for making the time and pulling that off!

You can’t go to a party or event without being accompanied by a date. Have plans for brunch? Got invited to a concert with friends? A birthday party on Friday night? Whatever the plans may be, you always think of who you can bring with you. You don’t want to be the third wheel and you don’t want to show up by yourself, so you have a date already in mind.

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Why Having A Dating Dry Spell is Actually Awesome

Not having sex might not be the first thing you think to brag about at happy hour, but you know, it’s not all bad, either. After all, there’s something to be said for endless “me time” to do whatever your heart desires. There are plenty of reasons why your dating dry spell is actually awesome, so don’t get too frustrated just yet.

You’re getting plenty of sleep. Late nights at a guy’s house are fun and all, but man, it’s tiring to not only have sex but then toss and turn half the night trying to comfortably sleep next to him.

You haven’t had a bladder infection in forever. Sex has a real knack as shoving bacteria up in our woman parts, and we’ve just come to accept that sometimes things get a little agitated in there. Not during a dry spell!

You won’t be waiting by the phone. You might not be getting any, but you’re also not expecting anyone to call you, so you’re actually focusing in those morning meetings for once.

No walk of shames. If you don’t wake up at a random guy’s house on Sunday morning, you don’t have to worry about to escape without running into someone on your way home.

You’ll get that clear-headed feeling back. Sex releases a hit of dopamine in our body (as well as other hormones), leaving us with an effect similar to what happens when people do cocaine, so we can act a bit like addicts sometimes. Cool off a bit and some of your mental sanity might return.

You enjoy your alone time. Ahem. Let’s be honest, your vibrator is often plenty efficient at getting you where you need to be in record time with little cleanup.

You get to imagine who the next lucky guy is. Whether you’re crushing at the moment or not, it can be pretty entertaining to daydream about who you’re next going to sleep with and whether it’s that guy at work or someone you’ll meet this morning on your commute.

You’ll be blissfully drama-free. Not all relationships (sexual or otherwise) are dramatic in nature, but drama does totally cease to exist when there aren’t people around.

You know that you technically could have sex. But it’s a choice. If you really, really wanted to have sex, you probably could right, but in actuality, you’re making the decision to hold out for the right person, even if he’s just going to be another Mr. Right Now.

No pregnancy scares. You know how it goes – the only 100{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} effective form of birth control is abstinence.

You can enjoy uninterrupted girl time. It’s not that you choose guys over your friends, but there is a bit of juggling that goes on fitting everyone in. Not now.

Shaving is an option. Most of us keep up with our shaving routines to some extent, no matter who’s touching our legs (or not), but when you know you’re not getting any, you might be inclined to procrastinate another day or so.

You can conserve your energy. Sure, you might start to feel like you might explode from pent up energy, but just think of all the other awesome places you can put it. Spin class? Starting your own blog?

It’s going to be extra amazing when you get laid again. Having regular, expected sex is awesome but it can also get a little, well, expected. (Especially if it’s less than stellar to begin with.) But being in a dry spell you’re prepped for any sex to be interesting when it finally comes along.

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  • I Had No Idea I Was In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship—Don’t Make The Same Mistake
  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That

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How To Avoid Looking Like A Crazy Stalker On Facebook

So, you’ve met a new guy or you’re wondering what your ex is up to. But it’s so easy to check up on somebody on social media, and before you know it, you’re one of those crazy Facebook stalkers who spends hours a day tracking this poor person’s every move. You have better things to do. Besides you can still check him out without seeming like a stalker. Just try to avoid some of the more creepy actions and you’ll be fine.

Don’t comment on everything. Even his closest friends don’t comment on his every post. You definitely shouldn’t be doing it. Maybe you want to attract his attention or see how he’ll respond. No matter what your reasoning, all this does is scare the crap out of the guy. Comment occasionally. You want him to notice you, not run away screaming.

Stop tagging him. Did you post a picture of the two of you or a video you think he’d like? Tagging him is a great way to draw him to your profile. It’s also a little annoying when he barely knows you or would rather leave you in his past. Stop trying to drag this poor guy to your page by tagging him in random posts. Even your own friends will wonder what’s going on.

Quit posting obviously sappy quotes and videos. Poor you. Your ex has moved on or the guy you’re crushing on hasn’t noticed yet. Life goes on. The barrage of sappy quote and video posts is getting on everyone’s nerves. We all know what your intention is. You’re trying to get others to feel sorry for you and let you know what’s going on in your guy’s life. You get pity and others to be your spies. Enough already!

Don’t friend all his friends. So you’re trying to take a less obvious approach. Good for you. At least you’re being a little smarter about your stalking. The problem is all his friends are going to wonder why you suddenly want to friend them. Don’t you think they’ll tell him? Only try to friend his friends if you actually know them and get along with them. Leave them out of this.

Avoid changing your relationship status. Unless your relationship status has actually changed, don’t change it just to see how the guy you’re stalking will react. It’s going to seem extremely odd when he sees the status flip from “in a relationship” to “single” the moment he comments. Not to mention, everyone else is going to think you’re crazy for switching your status back and forth just to get a guy’s attention.

Only request him as a friend once. Friend requests don’t just disappear on Facebook. If you requested him once, that’s all you need to do. If he accidentally deleted the request, he’ll let you know. Want to seem like a crazy stalker chick? Go ahead and send him a new friend request each week. Guess what he’ll do. Decline them all.

Skip the fake profile, he’ll find out. So he’s ignored you so far and possibly even blocked you for all the comments and tagging. Your next step is creating a fake profile. Just don’t. It’s bad enough when people do it just to play games on Facebook. You might think you’re being sneaky, but he will find out. You will make a mistake such as commenting on a post his new girlfriend made.

Ease up on the sexy pics. Sexy pics will definitely get a guy’s attention. They also scream “please notice me” when they’re not wanted. Sending sexy pics to the guy on Facebook or tagging him so he’ll see them only makes you seem crazier. Keep the sexy to yourself. Everyone knows what you’re up to. And no, stalker doesn’t look good on you.

Only Like recent posts and pictures. There’s nothing wrong with trying to check out a new guy on Facebook before you get involved. Just don’t make it look like you’re stalking him. If you’re going to like a post or picture, only do so with recent ones, such as those in the last few weeks. Anything older than that and it’s obvious you’re digging through is profile like a madwoman. Check out his profile as far back as you want, but keep your likes and comments to yourself.

Don’t show up at places he posts he’ll be. One of the creepiest things you can do to the guy you’re Facebook stalking is to stalk him in real life. So, he posts he’ll be at the movies Thursday night at 9 PM and suddenly, you just happen to be waiting outside when the movie ends. Once is coincidence. Doing this all the time just tells him you’re the crazy girl he needs to stay away from. Hopefully, he’ll also learn to stop posting where he’ll be.

Don’t harass his female friends. Once again, leave all of his friends out of your stalking. Whether the guy’s interested in you or the relationship is long over, his female friends aren’t your business. Harassing them on their own profiles just makes you a major league bitch. This isn’t going to score you any points with your guy. In fact, he’ll just get pissed and avoid you even more. Just let the guy go if he’s already making you this kind of crazy.

Leave your friends and family out of it. When you’ve caused him and all of his friends to block you, you might think it’s a great idea to turn to your own list of friends and family. Please don’t. Even if they haven’t noticed your stalker behavior yet, they will the moment you ask them to stalk the guy for you. They have better things to do than keep tabs on a guy they couldn’t care less about.

Don’t try to friend his family members. Sadly, this has to be said. Don’t try to friend his family members. You might think getting to know his mom will help you get close to him is the perfect plan. It’s not. If friending his family members sounds good to you, you’re definitely entering stalker territory and need to back off. Only friend his family if you and him are actual friends and his family likes you. Otherwise, leave them alone.

The temptation is strong sometimes, but you just end up looking stalkerish and desperate. Leave Facebook behind for a while and focus on living your own life. It’s far more interesting anyway.

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Summer Fling: 7 Reasons It’s Easier To Find Love Abroad

Have you ever noticed that you have a much easier time meeting men abroad than you do back home? When you go on a date with a cute guy you meet on vacation, every date with him is so much more romantic (and more fun) than any date you’ve been on back home. The connection you feel with your vacation fling is so awesome that you aren’t sure you even want it to be just a fling. So why does your love life seem to flourish when you’re anywhere but home? Here are 7 reasons why it’s easier to find love abroad:

It’s a clean slate. The best part about meeting a man abroad is that he doesn’t know anything about you. He has noone whispering embarrassing stories about you in his ear, and he has nothing but your interactions with him with which to base his opinion of you. It’s extremely liberating to know that this man has no reason to doubt you unless you yourself give him a reason to doubt you. His perception of you can’t be manipulated by anyone because it’s literally just the two of you.

Your energy is more positive when you’re on vacation. The “I’m on vacation” version of you is almost always one of the best versions of you. You’ve put aside your stress for some “me” time, and your energy is light and positive because you’re in your fun vacation-mode. Men find this type of positive, free-spirited and lighthearted energy very attractive. You’ll therefore attract more men on vacation, and feel more at ease to go for it than you usually would back home.

The placebo effect. If you’re not having the best luck in the dating world back home, you’ll often attribute that bad luck to the fact that there are simply “no good guys” in your city. You might automatically think that you’ll have better luck dating in any other city – that the guys might be better anywhere else – which is why you go for it more when you’re abroad. That may be a placebo, but it still works.

You’ve romanticized your current location. When you’re in a romantic city, it’s easier to go on more romantic dates. When you go on romantic dates, you’re naturally inclined to view your relationship as more romantic. It’s common to fall for someone faster in a romantic city because you feel enveloped by beauty, stars, scents and all sorts of other romantic elements.

There’s an addictive element of escapism. You’re experiencing a new culture, a new place, and in a sense – a new you. There’s also nothing that can tie this guy to any of your troubles back home, which allows you to escape with him and be a totally different version of yourself. You’ll feel hooked to this new version of you. Sometimes we all need a bit of an escape, and often that escapism leads to us finding ourselves and finding happiness.

The men abroad find you intriguing. You’re the mysterious foreigner, to them. The girl with the cute accent. The one who they want to know more about because they can’t help but be curious about who you are and where you come from. You’ll find that more men are interested in you when you’re abroad. It’s easy for you to maintain an air of mystery since he doesn’t know you at all, there’s something different about you and luckily for you, mysterious women are very alluring.

Serendipity is at play. A fortunate coincidence; a stroke of luck. You traveled all this way and met a great guy, and you feel lucky. It’s serendipitous to meet someone special so far away from home, someone who you would never normally have met. It makes you feel as though you were meant to meet him, and that makes you want to pursue it.

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The Different Types of Girls You See at a Bar

Millions of years from now, the alien archaeologists of the future will dig up countless bars and conclude that they must have been some kind of ritualistic, mind-altering mating temples. There will be overwhelming evidence that bars were a necessary part of human life and that people from every social class flocked to them. The more you go to bars, the more you start to notice that some of the girls you see are recurring themes.

The embarrassing drunk. Maybe it’s her birthday, maybe she tried to go shot-for-shot with people three times her size or maybe alcohol is her therapist. Whatever her reasons are for drinking tonight, this girl is so unbelievably hammered that you physically cringe at her every move. She says moronic things, trips on air and comes back from her many trips to the bathroom with vomit trickling delicately down her chin. Classy.

The orange monster. This chick is uncomfortably “tan.” She is clearly incapable of turning down a spray tan and it appears as if she has eight bottles of self tanner on her face alone. She looks like the entire cast of Jersey Shore had an orgy in Cheeto dust with Oompa Loompas. None of her friends tell her that she’s leaving streaky orange hand prints on every glass she touches.

The painfully desperate. This winner wants attention so badly that she’ll make a complete ass of herself to get it. All attention is good attention to her and she has fewer standards than the U.S. education system. She stares longingly at every guy in her vicinity and will do anything to keep them interested if they do decide to approach.

The obnoxious partier. This lady parties hard and wants everyone to know it. She pounds back countless shots of cheap tequila throughout the night and screeches “WOOOOOO!!” after each one. It is unclear if she’s trying to impress everyone or make them fear for the fate of mankind. She often travels in heavily-perfumed packs of other obnoxious party girls. Their olfactory senses are finely tuned to sniff out more cheap tequila.

The emotional drunk. After one too many pomegranate strawberry cherry apple berry margaritas, this girl becomes an overly sensitive wreck and spills her guts to anyone who will listen. She cries every time she drinks. She cries until there is no fluid left in her body and then cries some more. She is completely baffled when no one wants to talk to her and her friends stop inviting her out.

The weird loner. This girl smells like mothballs and a Lifetime movie marathon. She is sitting alone at the bar and simultaneously looks like she’ll kill anyone who talks to her, yet she’s dying for some human interaction. This strange combination prevents other patrons from approaching her at all, so she spends the night texting her cats.

The shameless flirt. This class act makes big goo goo eyes at every male specimen with a pulse. Her sense of self-worth is based strictly on the attention she gets from guys, so she unabashedly throws herself at anyone with a penis. When a cocky douchebag smugly tells her a terrible joke, she flirtatiously touches his forearm and laughs like a hyena on meth. When a married man flashes his ring finger and tells her to GTFO, she giggles, bites her bottom lip and writes her number down on a napkin. Watch out, we got a real badass over here.

The picture bitch. This camera-wielding nightmare is going to take pictures of EVERYTHING. Every time you look in her direction, she and her friends are smiling into a smartphone with their faces pressed against each other as if they were melted together in a radioactive waste accident. She takes pictures of her drinks. She takes pictures of her shoes. She takes pictures of the straw she found on the floor. She takes pictures of her pictures. She needs as many pictures as possible so she can upload them and fish for compliments online. How exotic her life must be.

The ex-boyfriend caller. This girl is hammered before the sun goes down and won’t shut up about her ex. No matter where the conversation goes, she will find a way to change the topic back to him. She starts off by insulting him but then becomes more affectionate and longing the drunker she gets. Eventually, amid a sea of eye rolling and frustrated sighing, she announces that she misses her ex and is going to call him and no don’t worry it’s totally fine he won’t care. Barf.

The obvious alcoholic. It’s 2:00 p.m. and this girl has already had six drinks. She claims that she can’t even feel them and orders another one from the bartender, who already has one waiting for her. She has no problem announcing how much vodka she goes through in a week. It isn’t difficult to picture her letting out a bloodcurdling shriek when she spills a drink and then desperately sucking the booze off of the floor.

The clueless mommy. Yes, your eyes are functioning correctly. This woman brought her small child into the bar with her. She lets the kid run amok while she smiles at him adoringly from her table, sipping on her lemon drop martini. For some reason, she thinks an establishment full of liquor and drunk people is a child-friendly place. She tells other patrons to watch their language around her precious snowflake, gets pissed at the bartender for not having Juicy Juice and blows up at people who dare to question her parenting. She will likely write a nasty review of the bar on Yelp in addition to a wordy Facebook post about how difficult it is to be a mother.

The entitled brat. This defective tragedy feels that she shouldn’t have to pay for drinks because she has a vagina. She sits around and waits for someone to offer to buy her a drink and then ditches him when the glass is firmly in her hand. She does this repeatedly throughout the night until everyone catches on and shuns her. She leaves the bar wondering why she’s still single because surely, her attitude towards paying for her own alcohol has nothing to do with it. Baffled, she plans her next night out.

The people watcher. This girl is drama-free and is perfectly content to sit back and watch alcohol-induced hilarity unfold. She just wants a cold beer and some free entertainment. She sits with her equally drama-free friends and mocks the crippling idiocy of some of the other patrons. They get some good laughs, talk amongst themselves and leave without causing a ruckus. The bartender wishes they would stay longer so he wouldn’t have to face the teeming horde of wasted nitwits by himself.

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How Technology Is Ruining Your Chances At Finding Love

Technology… we can’t live with it, but we can’t live without it these days, either. Even if we want nothing to do with technology and social media, we’re almost forced to keep up with this norm. Think about it – at work, it’s often required for employees to be a part of the company’s Facebook page. If you don’t have an Instagram, people look at you like you have five heads.

Technology certainly has many benefits, but is has truly taken away the act of being personal with one another. Actual human connection has been lost through this rise in technology and social media. So in this technology-filled time, is it possible to find true love? Is it possible to find a meaningful relationship when your phone is attached to your hand? Who are you dating here – your boyfriend, or your iPhone?

Here are a few reasons why technology is seriously ruining your chances at finding a meaningful relationship. Take these as food for thought, and next time you go to text him, try something more personal instead.

You can’t put your phone down on the date.  How are you supposed to get to know him if you are glued to your iPhone the entire time? We often don’t realize that on a date, we might be nervous, and we resort to checking our phone because it creates this technological barrier. Put the phone down, even turn it off, and give him a chance. Get to know him for who he is, and give him the undivided attention he deserves.

You can lie easier in text than you can in person. When you text, you have time to think about things. More time to think = more time to make up excuses. Maybe you can’t meet up tonight because you want to see your girlfriends, but you feel bad to blow him off. It’s easier to text him and lie, than to tell him in person; this is where the disconnect starts to happen. If you have to start telling lies via text, the honesty in your relationship will fade.

You can spend hours deciphering his text. Some of us are seriously paranoid, and think that every single punctuation mark has a hidden meaning. Why did he write, “hey.” instead of, “hey”? Does the period mean he’s mad? Ugh, he’s definitely mad; or is he trying to play it cool? You can easily spend a solid 24 hours freaking out over a ridiculous period in a text message that probably meant nothing. What could this wasted time be spent doing? Calling him up and talking on the phone, or meeting for coffee on your way to work. The moments are what count, not his text “morse code.”

You think it’s easier to text than call. How many of us are guilty of saying, “Just text me, it’s easier.” We don’t have a moment to pick up the phone and actually TALK to each other today. The worst part of this is that we play texting games where we definitely can’t text him back within a shorter period of time than it took him to text us back. Take the two seconds to dial his number and get in a meaningful conversation. It’s hard to express your true emotions through emojis.

You’re obsessed over when you’ll become Facebook official.  Since when did Facebook Official become the new City Hall? Newsflash: making your relationship official on Facebook does not make it meaningful or unbreakable. Are you going on dates, enjoying your conversations together, and starting to become a bigger part of each other’s lives? THAT is official, not some status update.

You’re more concerned about the image than the relationship. Instead of enjoying the restaurant together, you stop him out front for half an hour to get the perfect selfie. All you care about is the image- how other people perceive you on social media, and making it out that you have a perfect life. But what good is presenting yourself as happy to the world, when you secretly are unfulfilled in your relationship? Forget about the image; if you two truly have a meaningful relationship, that happiness will resonate to the rest of the world.

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10 Signs Your Dating Life Is Like A Taylor Swift Song

What would we do without Taylor Swift? No matter what you’re going through – a bad break-up, an almost relationship, a confusing situation – she’s got a song for it. And as a bonus, her music is not only relatable but fun, too. The more you listen, you more you probably find yourself relating to her stories of love gone wrong. Here are 10 signs that your dating life is similar to a T-Swift jam.

Your relationships are short but intense. One minute Taylor’s walking hand-in-hand with Jake Gyllenhaal, the next she’s got a thing for a Kennedy. Her most perfect song about loving someone for a short time is “All Too Well”, in which she brings up the beauty of small moments like standing in someone’s kitchen, looking at childhood photos and your ex keeping your scarf.

You’ve got a thing for bad boys. “Treacherous” tells the story of the beauty and danger of being in love with someone who is totally wrong for you, with my personal favourite Taylor lyrics in which she sings, “Nothing safe is worth the drive and I will follow you home.” And, of course, we can’t forget the classic bad boy anthem, “I Knew You Were Trouble”. But hey, sometimes a girl can’t help it. Dylan was the most swoon-worthy character on 90210 and we fell for Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life for a good reason.

You know a bad date or the end of a love affair is not the end of the world. Perhaps the best personal philosophy that is packaged in a pop song is “Shake It Off”. This should be your anthem for everything in your romantic life.

You’re a serial dater. If you find yourself going on several dates a week, you can probably relate to the lyric “I’ve got a blank space baby, and I’ll write your name.” And maybe you have a bunch of Starbucks lovers. (I still think that’s a better lyric.)

You know that going cold turkey is the best way to get over someone. The 1989 ballad “Clean” claims that getting over someone is like getting over an addiction, and you can totally relate. When it’s over, you know it, and you say goodbye to calls and texts and get sober.

You are always yourself. In the oldie but goodie “You Belong With Me”, Taylor sings about the ways she’s different from the girl that the object of her affection likes. But she never feels bad about herself, and she pokes fun at the way the media view her in “Shake it Off”. She knows she’s a bad dancer and a bit dorky but she won’t change her personality for a guy.

You know when to say goodbye to an on-again, off-again thing. The classic break-up anthem is, of course, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”. It’s the kind of pop song that picks you up and puts you back together.

You see the beauty in the little things. Whether she’s dancing in front of a fridge in “All Too Well”, rearranging furniture in “Out of the Woods” or a new boyfriend is carrying her groceries in “Stay Stay Stay”, Taylor knows that the small moments are actually the most romantic of times. Maybe you don’t find a fridge or couch romantic but you probably smile when you get that cute good morning text.

You’re a realist. Taylor said in this NPR interview that she thinks it’s the exception if a relationship lasts, not the rule. You feel the same way about every first date you go on: expecting it to be boring at best and awful at worst, but thinking that one of them might work out eventually.

You still believe in love. In my opinion, the quintessential Taylor Song is not “Love Story” or “Shake It Off” but the quiet ballad “Begin Again”. It’s about being surprisingly open to a new relationship even when you’ve been hurt. “I’ve been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Wednesday in a café I watched it begin again,” she sings. If that sounds like you, then congrats. You’re officially a Taylor Swift-level hopeless romantic. Welcome to the red-lipstick wearing, New York-loving club.

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Are You Selective About Men Or Just Too Picky?

Being selective is more than necessary when choosing suitable dudes to date, but there’s a fine line between being selective and being downright impossibly choosy. The real difference is whether you are reasonably looking for your perfect match or whether you’re self sabotaging by making the odds of finding him a total zero. Here’s how you know that you’re tipping towards the impossible side.

You only like unavailable men. If the only men you’re attracted to are off the market, you might just be setting yourself up for failure. It’s easy to like someone you know can’t actually get close enough to hurt you.

You have a set height guys must meet. We all have types, but avoiding perfectly great men because they’re an inch shorter than you’d prefer is picky, not selective.

You turn down every guy that acts interested. Okay, most of them won’t be right for you, that’s true. But how do you know if you can’t take the time to get to know anyone?

You have strict age limits. Many people tend to date within their own age range, but then again, age gaps can work in either direction. Saying you would never date a certain age could be retracted in an instant when you meet the right person.

You get freaked out by random things and bolt. You were totally into that guy until he mentioned that he hates peanut butter, because what kind of a weirdo hates peanut butter?

You have regrets about guys you have rejected. Ever have a huge no for a guy and then see him with someone else and realize that you might have been a bit hasty?

You’re looking for a fairytale straight out of the movies. Every girl deserves romance, but it’s probably not going to come in the form of a knight in shining armor doused in fairy dust.

You won’t date outside of your town. Logistically this can get tricky, and not everyone is cut out for long distance. But what if this guy lives a jet setting lifestyle and is in town every weekend anyway.

You’ll ditch a guy over his poor shirt choice. Cringe worthy style can be, well, cringe worthy, but ultimately it’s probably not the deal breaker you think it is. Maybe he just needs the input of a fashionable lady like yourself.

You have tons of celebrity crushes but no real ones. You probably don’t get the chance every day to go after your celebrity crush, so like the rest of the unavailable men, he’s appealing because he’s not really in your world.

You whine about wanting a date but refuse to use dating sites. No one would deny that online dating can be time consuming and totally weird, but if you really want to shake things up, what’s the harm?

You made a relationship checklist and you’re sticking to it. Generally guidelines are great but that imaginary boyfriend you thought up seven years ago might not be the best prototype these days.

You’re worried about other people’s opinions. People who love you want you to be happy, not find the single perfect person that doesn’t exist to prove that you’re worthy.

Everyone says you’re too picky. Our friends and family certainly don’t know everything, but they are pretty good at calling us out on things we don’t want to hear.

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10 Social Media Red Flags To Look Out For On A Guy’s Profile

A guy’s dating or social media profile can say a lot about him, saving you a lot of time in advance if you pick up on the right things before you get too involved. But which elements of his online presence are actually big red flags? Well, get ready to take a closer look to see if he’s a keeper or a loser who won’t change by looking for these 10 things.

It’s full of humblebrags. It’s normal to talk about big accomplishments like an exciting promotion or a graduation, but if he finds the stupidest things to brag about like his sneaker collection, or how he’s somehow “always on the grind” as if no one else works for a living, then you might want to pass. Guys like these only have room for their ego.

His favorite movies and shows that he lists are full of sexist themes. If having a respectful guy is important to you, then you might want to keep an eye out for what he idolizes. If there isn’t one movie that isn’t about men being macho and women being nothing but sex objects, then that’s probably a reflection of how he views women.

His pictures are questionable. Do you truly have a good picture of what he looks like? Many guys try to slip under the radar by only having pictures in sunglasses, group pictures, or just flat out blurry pictures then he probably has something to hide. He could be lying about who he is, his age, or just very insecure about how he looks.

It’s filled with sub tweeting or passive aggressive statuses. So you thought everything was fine until you find a feed full of music lyrics, emotional quotes, and pointed messages. You want to be with someone that is happy and drama-free. This red flag shows that this guy is none of those things.

There are a bunch of other girls on it. Every posting has multiple women commenting on it as if they are all competing for his attention. He might say that they’re all just friends, but this could be a sign that he’s just a player. You’re special. Don’t be one of the many girls trying to win him over.

It says he’s in a relationship with a “friend.” Boyfriends who have a public relationships on Facebook, but still claim that it’s a joke with a friend are running rampant. No matter how much you like him, don’t fall for it! No one jokes about being in a relationship publicly if they are trying to date around.

Or his status is just “it’s complicated”. Why get in the middle of something complicated when you can start off things simple with something else? Complicated could mean a number of things like being separated, but legally married. You should ask what this status means and figure out if you could deal with the answer.

The motto “YOLO” is all over it. Some people who live by this have good intentions, but others use it as an excuse to make bad decisions. If he has a bunch of photos and statuses over his love of partying and drinking using the excuse of YOLO, then run! This type of behavior isn’t good for a relationship.

Sex is somehow a running theme. Sirens should go off whether it’s a dating profile full of what he finds sexy in a woman that has very little do with anything other than looks, or a social profile full of TMI statuses. If you want something based off of a real connection, then find a guy who is deeper.

The woman he is looking for obviously doesn’t exist. Maybe the guy’s profile has a laundry list of things that he is searching for in one woman. However he will probably always be single because no woman will measure up. Skip it! It’s already hard enough to be all the things you expect yourself to be. You don’t need to try and fit someone else’s impossible criteria too.

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Why You’re Never Truly Alone, Even When You’re Single

So you’re between relationships right now and feel completely alone. We’ve all been there. The truth is you’re never single, not really. When you think of a relationship, you think about couples. That’s not the only type of relationship. Being single in one way doesn’t mean you’re single in every area of your life. Don’t let loneliness overwhelm you. Focus on all the love in your life. Besides happiness is extremely attractive.

You have family. We all have family, even if they’re not related by blood. Call up your sister or brother. Take your mom to dinner. Family is the first set of relationships we ever have. Nurture those relationships and you won’t exactly feel single anymore.

You have friends. For many of us, our friends are our family. That’s perfectly okay. Often times, our friends are closer to us than any boyfriend has ever been. Don’t discount a friendship as not being a real relationship. It is real and it’s meaningful. Go out and enjoy having fun with your friends.

You have co-workers. Your co-workers might not seem like much, but they’re people you interact with on an almost daily basis. Whether you like them or not, you get to know them and vice versa. You build relationships with these people. You may never be as close to them as you are your friends, but they keep you entertained when you’re feeling lonely.

You always have yourself. Don’t forget about the most important person in your life – you. I know it sounds corny, but you are your own best friend and worst enemy. You’re the one in control of your actions and happiness. Shouldn’t that count as a form of relationship? Regardless, you can always count on yourself in life.

You have neighbors. I’m not exactly close with my neighbors, but I always feel happy knowing they’re around. I know if I ever really needed something, they’d be there to help. Plus, they remind me I’m not alone. I might be single, but I’m still a part of the neighborhood. It’s a unique bond and one you should embrace.

You have social media. I have a love, hate relationship with social media, but it is perfect for meeting new people. It’s really  hard to feel single and alone when you’re chatting with 10 people on Reddit about your favorite hobby. You might never actually meet them, but an online friendship is still a relationship.

You can always volunteer. We’ve all had those times when we felt almost jealous of our friends and family in their happy relationships. This is where volunteering comes in to play. Nothing makes you feel quite as fulfilled and needed as helping others. Along the way, you build new relationships with other volunteers and those you help.

You have pets. I know everyone can’t have a pet for whatever reason, but for those who do, pets quickly become family. No, it’s not sad if you talk to your cat or dog when you get home. They’re wonderful companions and you’ll never truly feel like your single when they’re around.

You have your religion. For those who believe in a higher power, you can’t possibly think of yourself as single. You always have God or whomever you worship to guide you and live in your heart. Plus, you have your congregation to spend time with.

You can connect with old friends. Do you miss your old friend from high school or even middle school? Look them up on social media. Reconnect and rebuild that old relationship. You’d be amazed at how good it feels to connect with someone from your past.

There’s always someone thinking about you. It might sound creepy, but it’s comforting to know there is always someone thinking about you. It might be your best friend, an ex or that old lady you helped across the street. As long as you’re on someone’s mind, you’re not single.

You have your memories. So what if your past relationships didn’t work out? You still have the memories and experiences. There’s no reason to throw away the good memories after a breakup. Tired of being single? Think about all the good times and you’ll remember that you were a part of something and you can’t ever be truly single after something like that.

You have your hobbies. Nearly every hobby gives us a chance to connect with others. Maybe it’s playing sports in the park or joining a crafting group, you build lasting relationships just by enjoying your hobby. Every time you do you hobby on your own, you’ll think about your hobby friends and won’t feel single any more.

To me, single is simply a state of mind. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is just another relationship to add to the many other relationships you already have. Don’t feel single. Just feel loved by all those who care about you.

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How to Avoid Awkward Silence On The First Date

Not all dates are going to be home runs, but ideally we can get through the basic conversations smoothly enough to give us a fighting chance. However, when the conversation slows, there is a way to keep things from going downhill quickly. Here are some ways to avoid those awkward silences that threaten to raise the discomfort levels.

Ask questions that connect people emotionally. One of the best ways to start a conversation that will keep flowing is to talk about something the person actually cares about. You might not know what they like yet, but most people like talking about themselves so you keep your questions focused on them.

Think back. If you can feel that the conversation is about to hit a wall, you can always back track a few minutes and pick up with another topic you might have veered from.

Relax. You can’t always stop the nerves from flowing, but do keep in mind that this is just another human you’re talking to, not a Greek god. The more relaxed you can remain, the more likely your conversation will just flow as usual.

Skip the negativity. Sometimes as a filler, people have a tendency to complain or talk about something they hate. But when you’re getting to know, someone starting a conversation in a negative tone can get a little awkward if they aren’t interested in joining your complaining party.

Summarize what they say. If you aren’t sure where to steer a conversation, summarize back what they just said. This will show them that you’re interested, and it might also spark another thought they have to add.

Put your phone away. One way to keep a conversation flowing is to get rid of the distractions. You might be listening, but if he doesn’t think you are, it’s unlikely that he’ll keep sharing profound thoughts while you stare at Instagram.

Don’t interview people. Rapid firing off questions at people doesn’t usually encourage good conversation however, because they feel put on the spot and might clam up. If you fall into this circle back to adding something about yourself or asking them to tell you more about something they already mentioned.

Say something about the place you’re at. If you meet at a bar or restaurant, it should be pretty easy to throw in some comments about the place if you run out of things to say.

Don’t worry that you’re going to say something “stupid”. Awkward silence comes from silence not lots of talking. You’re usually better off just talking instead of overthinking and accepting that some of your questions or statements might be a little silly.

Ask him questions that you’re legitimately interested in. People can usually tell whether you care about what you’re saying or not, so even if it seems a bit off the wall to ask him about his childhood pets, if you really want to know don’t hold back.

Relax if silence does occur. If there is a moment of silence who cares? Stay calm and take a look around you as opposed to freaking out and staring at the dude.

Actually listen. If you’re in your head and trying to figure out something to say you probably aren’t really listening to the other person, which is actually the only thing that you should be doing.

Smile at him. Silence only becomes awkward when you start judging it, so instead of fearing the moment, use a break from talking to flash him your pearly whites and let him know how much fun you’re having.

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First Impressions Aren’t Everything: 9 Reasons to Give People a Second Chance

Have you ever met someone new, and realized pretty quickly that you were making a first impression you weren’t proud of? It happens to everyone, and it can be pretty hard to come back from that. Because of apps like Tinder, people have learned to take one look, make a snap judgment, and never have to think about you again. But as important as first impressions are, there’s no way you can really know someone after meeting them (or just looking at them) only once. Some people might grow on you, and you should give them a chance to do just that.

What do you have to lose? In some situations, it will cost you nothing to giving someone another chance after a bad first impression. Short of giving them your life savings after they already squandered your previous investment, what do you really have to lose?

They might have been having an off day. What you see on the outside is generally what people want you to see, but sometimes we lose control of the way we’re being perceived. Or sometimes we just don’t care. One bad day shouldn’t define a person.

What if the roles were reversed? If you knew you hadn’t exactly come across the way you wanted to, would you want people to completely write you off based on one interaction? Of course not. So why would you do that to someone else?

Being too judgmental isn’t healthy. Judging people unfairly is bad karma. It’s negative, and unnecessary, and you’re only inviting the same kind of treatment in return.

You could be missing out on an amazing person. Do you really want to limit your social circle to all the same types of people who are (sometimes suspiciously) good at making a first impression? Try to open up your mind a little bit and you never know who you could meet.

Some people grow on you. You must have a friend or two you didn’t immediately click with, but as time went on you realized they’re a lot cooler than you thought. Not everyone is going to spark a “we’re soul mates”-like reaction, but that doesn’t they aren’t worth the effort to get to know.

People make mistakes. Human beings aren’t perfect, that’s just how it is. As long as someone can recognize and adjust their behaviour, there’s no reason not to leave the past behind you and start fresh.

Holding grudges is no way to live. Forgiveness can be hard sometimes, but you’ll be a lot happier if you can give up grudges that aren’t worth it. Why spend energy hating someone or holding their mistakes against them when you don’t have to?

They’ll try harder next time. If they know their first impression left something to be desired and they want to make it up to you, they’ll be on top of their game next time. And if they still can’t seem to find a way to impress you, well then you can reserve the right to withhold a third chance.

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Dating Hangover: How To Tell If You’re Burned Out On Love

There comes a point in everyone’s dating journey when it just feels like too much effort to try to meet someone. When an hour spent getting ready means the second you sit down at the bar, you know the person sitting across the table is not for you. When going to bed early sounds amazing compared to making small talk with a stranger. Sound familiar? There are a few signs that point to a dating hangover. And the cure is definitely the same so feel free to grab some greasy nachos and couch time.

Your own company is better than awkward silences. There’s something freeing about enjoying spending time alone. You know that even if you’re single, you have a good relationship with yourself. Trying a new recipe for dinner or hanging out with a good book, you can keep yourself busy and happy.

You no longer look forward to a Friday night date. If you wake up the morning of with a desperate urge to cancel, that’s a sure sign that you’re just not all that into the prospect of dating right now.

You wonder if you will ever find someone. There’s no getting around the feeling of hopelessness that sets in after a string of bad dates.

You’re over Tinder. You still believe in romance but don’t want to find love on a dating app. While all your friends have got Tinder dates lined up this weekend, you’re exhausted just thinking about scrolling through the endless guys. You even start questioning who your type is and who you find attractive.

Dating feels so monotonous. When you have some bad luck, there’s a pattern that becomes obvious. You get all excited only to find the person not as attractive as you hoped you would, you find zero chemistry and/or the conversation sucks. Or you date someone for three dates or even a few months only to discover they don’t want a relationship (or you don’t want a relationship with them). It’s hard to get excited about dating again when this keeps happening.

The spark is always missing. When you know what it feels like to really click with someone on all levels – physical, emotional, intellectual – it really sucks to realize that doesn’t happen with everyone. That spark just hasn’t been there with anyone you’ve gone out with recently and you’re just so over going on boring dates.

You want to be happy, not frustrated. Nothing is worse than sitting at a restaurant on a Saturday night staring into your glass of red wine, wishing you were at home but unable to come up with a polite excuse for bailing. Dating can be frustrating, and you just want to enjoy your life.

You’re still thinking about your ex/the last guy you dated. If you miss someone, then it makes sense that no new guy can measure up, at least not for now. Going on dates when you’re trying to get over someone can make you feel even lonelier than staying home alone.

Your BFFs are happily single. We get influenced by the people in our lives, whether that’s a good thing or not. But in this case, it can be empowering to see strong women who are cool with flying solo. When your good friends are fed up with the dating scene, it’s easy to feel that way too.

The idea of taking a dating hiatus sounds good. And finally, you definitely have a dating hangover if you feel excited about the idea of not going on dates for a while. The search for love or at least lust is supposed to be fun and bring you new experiences. If it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to admit it.

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Flying Solo: Why You Should Be Proud of Being Single

Love is amazing. We know that. Who doesn’t love holding hands, having someone to talk to at all hours of the night and that cozy feeling that there’s someone out there who feels the same way about you? But we can’t knock flying solo. You should never be ashamed of being single. In fact, you should be totally proud.

You’re comfortable being alone. You know that being in a relationship can be fun but you are cool with spending time with yourself. This is an amazing life skill since relying on others for happiness can be a slippery slope. At the end of the day, it’s just you, so it’s awesome that you enjoy being alone.

You know who you are. You don’t need to be referred to as so-and-so’s girlfriend to know that you matter. Your identity is not based on whether a guy likes you or asks you out (but you know you can totally ask him out).

You’re super focused and rocking your career. We know that we shouldn’t forget the other parts of our lives when we fall in love – our friends, jobs, family. But we’ve all been in that new love bubble and it’s pretty difficult to leave it. Being single means you have zero distractions and can go after what you want.

You’re strong. If you’re the lone single girl in your group of friends, or even if you’re one of many choosing to be solo, you are known as the girl who is super strong and independent. It’s an awesome rep to have.

You’re in charge of your dreams, goals and future. The tricky part of relationships? Sometimes you end up thinking about your boyfriend’s vision of the future and wonder if it fits your own. When you’re single, you have no one’s dreams to chase but the ones in your head. That is pure freedom.

You have unique interests. As much as we pledge to keep our sense of self when we couple up, realistically we spend a lot of time with our significant other and not as much time on hobbies that we used to love. You may be super into barre classes or love trying out creative vegan recipes. Whatever you’re into, be proud of it, because it makes you a cool, fun person. And will make you an amazing first date when you do jump back into the world of dating.

Your life is drama-free. Okay, so you may have some office drama or an argument with a friend, but for the most part your life is calm and peaceful when you’re single. That’s something to be proud of.

You don’t desperately need a man. We all have that one friend who is perpetually in a relationship and claims she’s in love with this new guy after only one week. Don’t be that girl. Be glad that you can stand on your own.

You’re willing to wait for someone who is right for you. Instead of jumping into a relationship with the first guy that asks you out, you are willing to keep your single status for as long as it takes to really connect with someone.

Your taken friends are probably jealous of you. You can wear your PJs all day long on the weekend and stay up until 2 a.m. watching The Mindy Project. Your friends who are in relationships tell you they wish they had your life because you can do what you want all the time and don’t have to check in with anyone. Of course they wish they had your life. Because you’re awesome.

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11 Reasons Single Women Are the Happiest Ones

Most people want to fall in love at some point, and spend their life with someone they can also call their best friend. Relationships can be amazing, but they’re also a lot of work, and they can be a huge source of stress. There are times in our lives where being single is a blessing, and it’s a lot more productive to actually appreciate all the best things about being alone, rather than pining after a relationship. You probably have a friend or two that seems to be having the best time of her life while single, and for good reason .

They get way more sleep. Sleeping alone means there’s no one to hog the blankets, snore in her ear, or kick her during a violent dream. She goes to bed when she wants, and gets up when she wants without someone else’s schedule cramping her style. You’ll also never hear her complain about being woken up twelves times last night because of her boyfriend’s sleep apnea.

They get to spend lots of time with their friends. She’s the girl that’s always heading out for a brunch date with the girls, or just getting in from happy hour with her colleagues, or planning a weekend getaway with her childhood friends. She fills her wide open social calendar with only things she wants to do, and that’s how she likes it.

They don’t have to answer to anyone. You won’t catch the single girl calling her boyfriend when she gets a spontaneous invite to the exclusive after hours club. She doesn’t have to run her decisions by anyone first, and she never has to compromise.

They get to be selfish. She never has to take anyone else’s feelings into consideration when choosing what she wants to do with her life. If she doesn’t want to do something, she doesn’t, and it’s as simple as that.

No in-laws obligations. While girls in relationships are going to things like their boyfriend’s cousin’s bridal shower, and going shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond with their boyfriend’s mother, the single girl is sipping a latte on a patio and reading the latest issue of Vogue (or whatever else it is she likes to do on a lazy Sunday).

They still get to experience all the firsts with someone new. The best part about dating is the anticipation of meeting someone new, and getting that feeling of butterflies in your stomach. The single girl is still open to all the possibilities out there, and she probably can’t wait to find out what could happen.

They can pick up and leave if they feel like it. If she suddenly decides she wants to go backpacking across Asia, there’s nothing stopping her. That kind of freedom has a way of reducing stress, even if you never act on it.

No petty fights. The single girl is rolling her eyes and laughing at the pointless fights every couple seems to get themselves into. She can’t imagine spending energy on arguing over whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.

No jealousy issues to deal with. While everyone else is busy avoiding any situation that might make their boyfriend’s insecurities flair up, the single girl is grabbing lunch with the ex she’s still friends with, completely guilt free.

They’re not worrying about whether this guy is “The One”. After a certain amount of time has passed in a relationship you start to think about whether you want to stay in it for the long haul, or cut your losses and move on. Either that or wondering whether he’s serious about you or not. The single girl can kick back, confident in the knowledge that she’s completely fine with being single.

There’s no looming break up. People often linger in a relationship even though they already know it’s over. The single girl has been there, and is relieved that, at least for now, she doesn’t have to worry about how she’s going to keep her next break up as drama-free as possible.

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Important Things To Remember When You’re Frustrated With Dating

Dating can be really challenging, disappointing and can sometimes make you feel like crawling under a blanket and just binge watching Orange is the New Black until everything is okay again. If you’re feeling like dating has got you feeling down (and you’re getting ready to reach for that snuggly blanket and remote), here’s a few things to keep in mind:

It’s not about you. When we’re rejected, our first impulse is to always blame ourselves. What did I do? Why are they rejecting me? What’s wrong with me? However, here’s a little secret: it’s not about you. If the person you’re dating rejects you and/or treats you poorly (for example, they completely disappear on you after you’ve hooked up), keep in mind that if they choose to act this way, it’s on them. Their behavior doesn’t have anything to do with you. There are so many times that I’ve rejected guys not because they aren’t totally lovely human beings, but because of something intangible that told me that they just weren’t going to be a good match for me long term. I’m sure someone else would totally dig these guys, I’m just not that person. In the end, it really was about me, not them.

Sometimes rejection is a blessing. Everyone you date, you’re either going to break up with or marry. It’s a sobering thought. The path to finding the right person is (unfortunately) rife with rejection. Rejection is going to happen and it’s going to suck. However, in a sense, the other person is doing you a favor by telling you, “Hey, don’t waste any time on me. I’m not the right person for you.” Allow rejection to guide you, instead of holding you back.

There’s nothing about you that is broken or that needs “fixing.” Our culture is one of self-improvement. We’re constantly told that the secret to happiness can be ours if only we fix X, Y, Z (our beach-body/dating technique/sex-moves etc.) It’s to the point where many of us feel like we’re kept in a perpetual state of insecurity. Here’s the truth: you’re absolutely perfect and worthy of love,  just the way you are. If someone doesn’t see this, give yourself permission to send them packing. You’ve got this.

It’s okay to get knocked down – just don’t stay down. Hurt, anger, a strong urge to drink boxed wine… These are all natural reactions to romantic disappointment. Give yourself time to feel all the feelings and then let them go. As one of my favourite quotes from Muhammad Ali goes, “Ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.”

There’s no rule that says you have to keep dating. Instead of saying, “Just get back on that horse!” or “You’ll feel better if you just keep things moving!” consider this: it’s totally, 100{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} okay to not be dating, at all. We live in a culture where everyone is constantly being encouraged to date, pair off and be together – something that just isn’t always realistic, fair or even healthy. We’re fed the message that if we’re not dating, in a relationship or trying to find one, that there’s something wrong with us – something that inevitably needs fixing. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sometimes what we really need is time to heal. Being alone can help facilitate this. If not dating feels like the most authentic and right thing for you right now; follow your intuition. However long you need, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a time out.

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Things That Happen When You Always Date But You’re Never In A Relationship

So you’re out there in the dating world, shopping around and whatnot, but you’re never exactly in a relationship – sometimes their decision, sometimes yours. Here are some things that occur in that strange dating middle ground that anyone who’s ever been there will certainly be able to relate to.

You get constant questions about your relationship status. You can hardly keep up with your dating life, so it’s no surprise that your friends can’t either.

You’re often confused about your relationship status. How many dates does it take to go from first date to sort of “dating”? Can you be exclusive without being “together” together, or what?

You’re familiar with the occasional dose of total loneliness. Last week things were cool, but this week your love life seems drier than ever. And the flip flop makes it feel even more extreme.

You’re often sleeping with two different people at once. Love it or hate it, it can happen. It’s a plus, as far as your enjoyment is concerned, but a negative for those extra loads of laundry to be done.

You go through lots of “breakups”. It’s not totally clear what constitutes a breakup when you’re not technically in a relationship, but nonetheless you find yourself dealing with quite a few goodbyes that are still tough.

You end up lying more than you’d like. You’re not trying to hurt anyone. In fact, you’re trying to do the opposite and protect people from news about other people that they undoubtedly don’t want to hear.

You have only casual relationships. No matter how much you like a guy, these non relationship dating things tend to stay on the casual side.

Your mom worries about your dating life. Can’t she see that you are totally being productive with your dating life? At least you’re trying.

You’re often uncertain about whether you’ll have a date for any upcoming events. You’d like to take a date to that event next month, but you have no clue who’s going to be on your radar. (If anyone at all.) Plus, sometimes you don’t even get plus ones.

People stop taking your guys seriously. Hey, just because he might be gone next month doesn’t mean he isn’t important to you now.

There’s a lot of changing your mind. The whole point of dating is to get to know people and see if you like each other. Sometimes you just can’t decide.

You’ve had your share of pregnancy scares. Okay, pregnancy scares can happen in any sort of relationship, but they’re particularly scary when you hardly know the guy.

Guys get mad at you. You’ve only been on three dates, so why would this dude assume the two of you are exclusive already?

You get mad at guys. Um, seeing the guy you just went out with on another date already is just… awkward. Do you even say hello? Run in the other direction?

You’re not sure who to call for help. You’d love a ride to the airport, but can’t figure out if it’s better to ask the guy you’re newly seeing, your best friend, or just to Uber it.

Your friends are never sure if they should invite your guy anywhere. They don’t want to get attached to the good ones, or hang out with the not so good ones…

Read more:

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  • Do You Act Like A Hot Girl Or An Ugly Girl? Here Are 20 Differences
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  • 7 Subtle Signs You’re Hotter Than You Think
  • I Had No Idea I Was In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship—Don’t Make The Same Mistake

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10 Inappropriate Questions We Wish We Could Ask On The First Date

First dates are just like job interviews. We have to ask the right questions and make sure the guy isn’t a psychopath or a stage-five clinger. However, there is still some first date etiquette that we should abide by. Unfortunately, there are also certain questions that we want to get answers for, but it’s way too soon to ask. Truly getting to know someone takes time, but some things are better to find out sooner rather than later. If tact wasn’t a thing, however, here’s what we’d ask.

So, are you paying, am I paying, or are we going dutch? How are we doing this? If we’re out to dinner, we always have to do our female due diligence of reaching for our wallet on the first date, but we never know what will happen next. He may a completely gentlemen and pay for the bill or he may pull the “forgot my wallet” line. We’ll find out at the end of the date, but it’s something we’re definitely thinking about in the beginning.

What’s your number? Always the scariest thought. Some couples go throughout their entire relationships without ever knowing their partner’s, which is completely understandable. It could either be very low or very high, but once you know, there’s no way of un-knowing.

Do you or have you ever had and STD? A completely valid question, because safety comes first, right? You may like him, but not enough to contract an STD. Better to be safe than sorry.

Are you only on this date to get laid? We’re all always curious about intentions, especially if we met the guy on a dating site or social media. Motives are always tough to tell these days, and unfortunately, many guys (and girls) are only interested in that one thing.

When was the last time you had sex? Did he just come from another date? Did another girl sleep over the night before and I’m in the midst of being his next home-run?

Are you actually interested in seriously dating someone right now? Some people date for fun and some people really are looking for love, but you never know. You could be on two opposite wavelengths, but it’s always nice to be on the same page even if they’re not “The One”.

Have you ever been arrested? Criminal charges are definitely a red flag and probably a deal breaker. If this guy has done some jail time, then this is something we need to know and if it’s a serious crime, you should probably call a cab ASAP.

How many people are you currently dating? These days, everyone is dating everyone. I don’t know what ever happened to monogamy, but it’s definitely not a common thing anymore. It’s a small world and that other girl could very well be someone who works at your company or even your roommate.

How many people are you currently having sex with? Maybe he’s not dating other people, but he may be hooking up with multiple partners and you’re just another addition to his list of booty calls.

You don’t have any weird fetishes or hobbies, right? I mean, after Fifty Shades of Grey, we kind of have to ask…

Read more:

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  • 7 Subtle Signs You’re Hotter Than You Think
  • 21 Questions to Ask at Your Next Visit to the Gynecologist

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How Being A Perfectionist Is Making You Miserable

We all want to succeed, and it would be great if nothing ever went wrong. But unfortunately life isn’t quite that easy. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work, crap happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can control is how you react to mistakes and set backs. While being detail-oriented and doing everything in your power to get things done right are good qualities, beating yourself up when something doesn’t go as planned isn’t helping. Here’s why being a perfectionist doesn’t always guarantee everything will be perfect.

You’re too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. It’s unavoidable. So beating yourself up every time you miss a tiny detail is a recipe for disaster. The fact you messed up isn’t as important as what you do to fix it. So instead of hating yourself, focus on finding a solution.

You’re obsessive. Do you lay awake at night, running every single decision you made in the last 24 hours through your mind over and over? Or maybe that knot in your stomach never fully goes away because you can’t trust that everything will be okay. Being so tense all the time will eventually lead to real health problems if you aren’t careful, so take a deep breath and relax once in awhile, why don’t you?

Nothing is perfect. There’s always going to be something that could have turned out better. There’s nothing wrong with having high standards, but know when to draw the line.

People won’t want to work with you. Not only are you too hard on yourself, but your expectations for other people are sometimes just as unrealistic. If you’re constantly criticizing and never satisfied, no one is going to want to be around you.

You take on too much. Because you don’t trust anyone else to do anything the way you want it to be done, you end up doing everything yourself, whether you have time or not. If you delegate a little more and believe in other people’s competence you’ll realize having free time is actually a good thing.

Not everything is in your control. No matter how in control you think you are, unexpected things are always going to come up. The only way to deal with that is to expect the unexpected, and accept when something wasn’t your fault.

Being able to adapt is more important. Just because something isn’t going the way you wanted doesn’t mean it’s going to fail. Resourcefulness and coming up with solutions on the fly will serve you a lot better than expecting everything to be perfect.

Time just doesn’t always allow for perfection. If you routinely miss deadlines because you can’t stand the thought of submitting something before it’s perfect, you’re going to run into problems. You need to know what you’re capable of in the given amount of time so you don’t commit to things you can’t accomplish.

There are more important things than being perfect. Like your sanity. And maintaining positive relationships. And being honest and realistic about what you can and cannot do.

Sometimes mistakes are a good thing. Learning is all about trial and error. It’s rare to know exactly how to get things perfect on your first attempt. There are some mistakes that you’ll only make once, but it took making that mistake in order to learn what to do differently.

Read more:

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  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That
  • 12 Things That Might Make You Think He Doesn’t Have An STD But You’re Wrong

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8 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Own Happiness

Happiness isn’t something that just happens to you. As much as that would be great, happiness is actually something we create. Even in the darkest of times, we can pick ourselves up and achieve happiness at least on some level, if we really work at it.

But if you don’t work toward trying to find happiness, it can totally pass you by. In doing that, you end up sabotaging your own happiness, and that’s no way to live your life. So chin up, makes some changes, and quit denying yourself a chance at being happy. Here’s what you’re doing wrong and need to fix stat.

You focus on the down sides of things. Guess what? The glass is actually half-full, and if you constantly see it any other way, that’s how you’ll look at everything else. Negativity just breeds more negativity.

You hold grudges longer than you should. Grudges require a lot of energy! Just think how that energy could be way better spent. Besides, anger is like a cancer on the soul – it just eats away at it until there’s nothing left.

You have unrealistic goals for yourself. While it’s important to have goals and high ones, it’s the person who sets goals that are so out in left field that they never feel fulfilled. If you don’t have the voice to be the next Miley Cyrus, don’t keep reaching for that star. You need to move on and discover what you’re good at and set at goal from that point.

You honestly believe you can change people. Breaking news: You can’t fix people, you can’t change people, and you definitely can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. That’s just a scientific fact. You will always feel defeated if you’re trying to save others.

You never trust your instinct. Your gut exists for another reason besides eating mass amounts of pizza, so listen to it, go with it, and when your instinct tells you something is off, heed the warning. Nine times out of 10, it’s leading you away from trouble.

You care what people think. You should not, like ever, give a damn about what other people think. People will always be judgmental, catty, and some will even rejoice when you fall. Screw them. Letting your happiness hang in the balance because of how others think of you is exhausting and will get you nowhere.

You don’t know when to let go. Whether it a partner who treats you like crap or a toxic friendship, hanging on to people who tear you down is one of the biggest forms of sabotage you can allow. Just walk away.

You don’t take any chances. Life is about taking risks and throwing chance to the wind. If you hate your job, make the necessary steps to change it. If you don’t like where you live, look into another place. If you’ve always wanted to travel but have no one to go with, pack your bags, take your vacation days, and do it solo. No one got anywhere without taking that risky first step. It’s better to be happy and not know what’s next, than be miserable knowing that tomorrow will be exactly the same.

Read more:

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14 Things That Are More Fun When You’re Single

Believe it or not, you don’t need a boyfriend to have fun – there are plenty of awesome things to do on your own. The best part is that while these things can be enjoyed with other people, they’re even better when it’s just you, rolling solo. They’re perfect when you need some down time or when you’re friends would rather do something you just don’t like. Take some quality time and have some fun that’s just right for you.

Dance like no one’s watching. While you’re with someone else, you’re busy making sure you look good and don’t make a fool of yourself. Put on your favorite jam and dance how ever you want. It’s fun, relaxing and no one’s going to judge you if you break out some not-so-smooth moves.

Binge watching your guilty pleasure show. So what if you’re addicted to old episodes of Project Runway or love rewatching all the episodes of Supernatural? Isn’t it great to just sit down in your sweats with a bag of chips in your lap and binge without anyone talking over your favorite parts?

Indulge in your favorite foods. Scarfing down a double cheeseburger loaded with bacon and extra cheese might make your friends cringe. We all tend to hold back and not indulge like we’d like when others are around. It’s just you right now, so eat whatever you want.

Touring a new city. Everyone wants to see something different, so you never get to just relax and enjoy what you want to see most. Make some solo travel plans. You’ll have a blast and even make some new friends along the way.

Curling up with a good book. Reading isn’t exactly a group activity. Escape for a few hours and read a good book. You’ll enjoy it and have something fun to talk about later.

Checking out the latest chick flick. You know it’s going to be a tear jerker and you’d rather not let your S.O. see you cry. Go to a mid-day matinee, sit in the back row and cry all you want when the lead’s mother dies and the guy she’s always loved comes to make it all better.

Going for a long, relaxing walk. Sometimes it’s fun to walk with others. Sometimes, you’d rather not have to come up with conversation. You just want to enjoy the sights and take your time. I like doing both, personally, but I have even more fun when it’s just me.

Pleasuring yourself. Sex with someone else is great, but there’s something immensely satisfying about doing it yourself. There’s no waiting until someone else’s in the mood or focusing on anyone but yourself. You get to sit back, relax and enjoy exactly what gets you off.

Lying in bed, doing whatever you want. Most of your friends and even your boyfriend would probably have something to say about you lying in bed all day with your hair a mess, eating junk food and watching TV. It’s fun to stay in bed, on your own without any judgments, and do whatever you feel like, such as maybe #8.

Going to an event none of your friends like. Maybe you want to go to a concert and just enjoy the music without anyone complaining. Maybe you’d love to go to a museum for a special exhibit, but no one else really gets it. Do it on your own. You’ll have far more fun that way.

Exercising. I know someone people can’t exercise unless they have a workout buddy. I prefer working out alone because it doesn’t matter if I do really well or not. I can do whatever exercises I want and enjoy it without feeling like I need to compete or do something I don’t like. It’s more fun and I get better results.

Shopping for clothes. It’s fun to shop for clothes with friends until they find what they’re looking for first. Then they’re ready to go and you feel rushed. Plus, they don’t get it when you want to try on that random outfit that you know is going to look weird, just for the joy of doing it. Go out and shop all you want and try on whatever you like.

Trying out new beauty trends. We’ve tried the latest beauty trends and they looked horrible, especially during our first try. It’s embarrassing with others around, but hilarious when it’s just you. Spend a day trying new trends. Who knows, you might even find something you like.

Singing to your favorite songs. We can’t all sound like the winners from our favorite reality singing shows. More than likely, we sound more like those blooper reels they show. That doesn’t mean you don’t like to just belt out the latest Taylor Swift or Meghan Trainor song. Sing all you want, as off key as you like without anyone making fun of you.

There really are fun things to do on your own that are more fun when others aren’t around. We all need some downtime, so why not enjoy those few hours you get alone sometimes?

Read more:

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  • I Got An STD From My Long-Term Boyfriend & It Changed Sex For Me Forever
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  • 10 Times You’re Accidentally Sexy – And It Drives Us Guys Crazy
  • They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
  • Are You An Assertive, Badass Woman? 12 Signs You Take No Crap

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How Being Too Nice Is Holding You Back

We all want to be good people, but we can’t sustain our well-being if we’re constantly putting other people’s needs above our own happiness. It’s important to treat people with respect and kindness, but there’s no need to sacrifice yourself for the sake of what others want, or what they want you to do. Here are some signs you’re just too nice and it’s holding you back in life.

You stay with guys because you don’t want to hurt them. Instead, you end up sacrificing your own desire to leave, and then let relationships drag out when they shouldn’t, leaving you miserable.

You often think of comebacks later that you wish you could use. When you get insulted, you don’t really think of any way to stand up for yourself in the moment. It’s not until later that you always think of a different way that conversation could have gone, but you still let people walk all over you.

It’s challenging for you accept a compliment. The last time someone told you that you looked pretty, you brushed off their praise. Turns out your niceness doesn’t extend to yourself.

People take advantage of your generosity. You would do anything for your friends, but that doesn’t mean you should be neglecting your work to give people rides when they have alternative options.

You’re afraid to be honest at work. Your boss asked for your honest review of a coworker and you glossed over their glaring faults because you felt like the bad guy and didn’t want to be responsible for anyone getting in trouble, even if the colleague in question constantly tries to undercut you and make your work days hell.

Guilt is a common emotion. In fact, you still feel extremely guilty about accidentally cutting a car off this morning, even though there’s nothing you can do about it now.

You do pretty much anything to avoid conflict. Your boyfriend’s mom can be a bit, uh, challenging, so you try to get out of his family dinners whenever possible instead of being honest with your boyfriend and expressing your feelings.

Asking other people for help is a big no. Despite the fact that you help other people out all the time, you wouldn’t want to burden anyone with needing some help yourself.

You do a lot of stuff that you don’t want to do. You love hanging out with your cousin on Sundays, but for some reason you always have to drive to her… and she lives an hour away. She doesn’t even bother to offer you gas money, either, and you would never think to ask.

You feel like you never get to share your real opinion. Because if you did, you might offend someone, which would feel even worse than just keeping it to yourself.

You apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Saying sorry is accepting the responsibility for doing something wrong, so if you didn’t, don’t.

The last time you did something nice for yourself was…hmm. All that energy spent being nice and you forgot to direct it towards yourself!

It really gets to you if someone doesn’t like you. Because you feel like you must have done something wrong and wish you could go back in time and right it.

You let every weirdo passerby have some of your time. It’s nice to be polite to people, but if you don’t actually want to talk to the guy who stopped you on the street corner, you most certainly don’t need to stay and listen to what he has to say.

People call you indecisive. You know what you like, but you would rather hear where other people want to eat for lunch before you weigh in, giving their needs more credit than your own.

You trust everyone. It’s one thing to assume the best in people and a whole other thing to open your doors to anyone who wants in. Because of it, you often end up being burned, which just isn’t right.

Strangely, some people don’t seem to trust you. Coming off as too nice can be a downfall in the sense that you don’t seem authentic and people can question your motives. At the end of the day, we should all be aiming to be our authentic selves.

Read more:

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10 Reasons To Embrace The Coffee Date

Coffee: It makes me feel better about waking up every morning because I know it’s in my near future. Many of us are hopelessly addicted to our daily Starbucks, but this innocent beverage could be the answer to all your first date problems. Tired of spending hours at a bar with a jerk and then having to shell out for your own three glasses of wine? No longer into giving up a Saturday evening for what will most likely be anything but a love connection? It’s time to embrace the coffee date, and there are a bunch of good reasons why you should start swapping your cocktails for vanilla lattes.

A coffee date is basically a pre-date. This is equally applicable to online dates and if you actually met in person, because let’s face it, it’s always awkward and a bit scary to sit across from someone for the first time. It may as well be done in the afternoon over a quick coffee. Then, if sparks are flying and you have stuff to talk about, you can always go for drinks another time, and as a bonus you can walk into that bar knowing that things will go pretty well.

Alcohol makes you tired. Caffeine wakes you up and allows you to be your best self. I don’t mean to sound super dramatic but without coffee I’m not sure I would be able to function every day. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who worries about how to fill those first date awkward silences. You know you should be relaxed on a first date but a cocktail will help you relax a little too much. But with the magic of caffeine, you will probably be bubblier than you usually are and will just start talking. This could be bad, of course, but if he’s the right guy he will find you adorable and want to see you again. And if he’s not into your babbling then guess what, he’s no fun at all.

You can always prolong the date. The best part of a 4 p.m. coffee date on a Sunday that actually goes well? You can suggest going for dinner, and then you’ve had an amazing date that lasts for several hours.

If you’re not into sex on the first date (or even the third), a coffee date gives you a buffer. There’s nothing wrong with going slow and taking things at your own pace. It can just get a little awkward if you’ve had an amazing first date and now it’s 2 a.m. and you really want something to happen but feel more comfortable waiting until next time. But with a coffee date, there’s no expectation of sex, so you’ll be in the clear. And you know that actually knowing someone before sex makes it that much more amazing.

A coffee date is honest: it’s a job interview, basically. There is nothing worse than asking someone questions in a crowded bar because it’s super obvious that this is a date (and probably a Tinder date, too). But in a sunny café on a weekend afternoon, asking those questions seems totally normal because hey, job interviews take place in coffee shops every day, and a first date involves a lot of interview-type questions. What does he do? What does he want to do? Where does he see himself in five years? Okay, maybe not that last one. But you get the idea.

If it sucks, you’ve wasted half an hour. Or maybe an hour. And not the entire evening. So you can actually do something fun tonight. Because we’ve all been there: the first date is going well, and two hours in, the guy turns out to be a crazy person, and there goes your Saturday night.

Post-coffee, you can go for a walk for an adorably romantic first date. Beer and nachos? So not romantic. But there’s something cute about walking around the city with a new romantic prospect. It’s not so cute at midnight when you’re wondering what’s the safest way to get home and are stressed about how to end the date.

It’s easy to make an escape. When you leave a drinks date early because things have taken a turn for the weird, it’s super obvious that you’re Just Not That Into Him. But it’s totally acceptable that you would have something to do in the afternoon. We all have busy lives, after all. So you can make a polite excuse.

And finally: if he orders tea, you know it’s not going to work out. It’s just a fact.

Read more:

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  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That
  • I Got An STD From My Long-Term Boyfriend & It Changed Sex For Me Forever
  • 10 Times You’re Accidentally Sexy – And It Drives Us Guys Crazy
  • Do You Act Like A Hot Girl Or An Ugly Girl? Here Are 20 Differences

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Why Single People Give The Best Relationship Advice

Your friends in long term relationships think they have a leg up on giving love advice, but you’ve gathered a lot of insights and opinions from your single lookout, as well. Most single people have plenty of dating experiences under their belt, leading to plenty of lessons learned and wisdom to impart. Here’s why single people know best when it comes to relationships.

They can see a heartbreaker coming from a mile away. When their friends are smitten, they tend to overlook the warning signs but single people always see right through those guys. They try to warn people, but it doesn’t always help.

Terrible relationships totally turn them off. Some people think being in any relationship is better than being alone, but single people know better.

Single people don’t settle. They’re not single because they can’t find someone who wants to be with them, they’re single because they have high standards and they’re sticking to them.

They’ve experienced every type of first date there is to experience. Nothing surprises them anymore because they’ve gone out with every kind of guy that exists.

They’ve been hurt, and they’ve recovered. People who haven’t had their hearts broken don’t have a clue, but single people have the perfect breakup recovery plan down to a science.

Sometimes their friends just need to vent about their relationships. When people are all fired up, sometimes they can’t see or think straight, but single people (as an uninvolved third party) can always see what the real issue is.

They’re all about boundaries. Single people are as open as possible when getting to know people, but they also have clear lines drawn that they won’t just let any man out there cross, and they advise their friends to do the same.

They know better than to resent people who love them. Because let’s be honest, sometimes you’re just looking for somebody to love you. They’ll know what love is when they see it.

They’ve made plenty of mistakes. They’re not proud of how they’ve hurt their exes, but they certainly know better than to make the same mistakes again. Never ever again.

They hang out with other couples all the time. Being the third wheel can have its advantages in that they do a lot of listening to how other couples communicate. Single people’s observation skills are on point.

They can see their friends making bad decisions. They hated to see their bestie trying to change herself for a guy, so they’ve vowed to never let anyone get away with that again.

Single people appreciate sex in a different way. Their coupled up friends spend time trying to avoid certain sex acts, while they cherish every moment in bed.

It can be easier to point other people’s issues than their own. They’re not entirely sure why they can’t get a date, but they can see exactly which one of your friends her walls up too high and why.

They’re not into BS. So their BS meter is prepped and ready and it sounds off on the regular.

Just because they’re single doesn’t mean they always have been. Hell, they might actually have more relationship experience than a lot of people in relationships, anyway.

Read more:

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  • 21 Questions to Ask at Your Next Visit to the Gynecologist
  • I Didn’t Understand Why I Kept Attracting Toxic Guys Until I Stopped Doing These 10 Things
  • 16 Reasons The Best Women Often Stay Single The Longest

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13 Signs You’re A Woman That’s Difficult To Love

You meet great guys, but they always seem to leave before the relationship really gets started. You even have a hard time keeping friends. Is it you or them? The problem could actually be you.

You still deserve love. You just have to admit you’re difficult to love and take steps to be a little more open. Once you do, things will start to change.

You don’t love yourself. Think about it for a few minutes. Do you honestly love yourself? You’ll never be able to make a relationship work if you don’t value yourself. You have to sit down and realize how incredible you are. The moment you start loving who you are, you’ll be more accepting of others who want to love you too.

Everything comes before love. Of course you’re busy. We all are. But when everything in your life comes before love, there’s a problem. You have to make time for friends and relationships. All that hard work to get to the top means nothing if you’re always alone and have no one to celebrate with. Think about your priorities and spare some time for love.

You never believe those three little words. A clear sign you’re difficult to love is when “I love you” makes you see red, and not in a good way. For some reason, you just can’t believe anyone actually means them. The thought that someone is lying to you makes you angry. Even if a guy’s telling you the truth, you don’t want to hear it.

Compromise isn’t in your vocabulary. You shouldn’t have to give up everything for love – you will have to make some changes, though. If you refuse to ever compromise, you’re not going to be easy to love. Doing something as simple as trying a new restaurant or going to an event that’s important to the guy you’re dating is just part of being in love. Compromise a little or watch love pass you by.

You think you’re perfect. In other words, you’re a diva. I hate to break it to you, but you’re not perfect. You have flaws too. Thinking others should bow down to your perfection just means others are going to walk the other way. Be more realistic and realize you have some not so wonderful qualities (like that whole diva/perfection issue).

You like making guys cry. You love how guys try to love you, but you tear them down and make them cry. That’s only appropriate if the guy’s a complete ass. Otherwise, you’re being a bitch and not the good kind. You just want to hurt them before they hurt you. Every guy isn’t going to break your heart. Give them a chance and stop being so difficult.

You’re not into sharing. Do you bottle up everything? Have you been with a guy for several months and the deepest thing you’ve shared is your favorite color? Love requires a little more sharing than that. You can’t expect others to love you when you refuse to share anything about yourself.

Cynical is your middle name. Cynical women are always difficult to love. A certain level of cynicism is fine, but too much is just unhealthy and pushes any loving prospects away. Give people a chance once in a while and you might just find you have a reason to be less cynical.

Your baggage weighs you down. It’s difficult to love a woman who’s so weighed down by her past that she can’t see what she has in front of her. If all your thoughts focus on your past and your insecurities, you’re not able to let anyone in. Letting go of the past and learning to love yourself is key to tackling this one.

People keep telling you to open up. You’ll probably have exes and friends (possibly ex-friends) constantly telling you to open up. Listen to them. If you’re always being difficult and refusing to share or try anything new, people are going to move on.

You desperately want love, but can’t love in return. You crave the kind of love you see in movies, but every time you get the chance, you run away. Even worse, you treat the other person like crap. You have to learn to love if you want to be loved. It’s not always easy to open yourself up like that. But if you want it, you have to take a chance.

You walk away when things get serious. It’s fun until a guy mentions the future. Suddenly, you turn into a different woman. You don’t want to discuss future plans or work on the relationship at all. If the thought of being serious makes you want to run away, you’re probably a little difficult to love.

You don’t think you need anyone else. It’s fine to love being single, but when you truly don’t think you need anyone in your life, there’s a major problem. You do need love in your life. Whether it’s a boyfriend, a best girl friend or a family member, you need someone. It’s awful lonely at the top while everyone else is happy and loved.

It’s not that others don’t love you, you just refuse to accept it. Give love a chance. You might find the right people don’t care how difficult you’re being, they’ll love you anyway.

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The Struggles Of Being The Only Single Girl In Your Friend Group

We’ve all been single at some point. Being in between relationships is a necessary part of life, and there’s tons to appreciate about not having a significant other to worry about. Although your current relationship status, good or bad, is a burden you have to bear all on your own, it’s always nice if you have a friend or two in the same boat – that way you have someone to roll your eyes at mushy couples with, and complain about how terrible guys today are at dating. On the flip side, the times you happen to find yourself single while all your friends are in relationships can be particularly depressing. If you’ve ever been in this position, you’ll totally relate to the following:

Always being the odd one out. You can’t attend game night because you never have a partner. You’re always the one that has to sit at a random chair pulled up to the end of the booth. And you always end up next to an old dude or some kid on every roller coaster.

Forced set ups. You’re single, not desperate. What makes people think you want to go out on an awkward date with every single guy they’ve ever met? You can find dates on your own just fine, thanks.

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Casual dating leads to exclusively dating leads to a serious relationship leads to getting engaged leads to you being in way too many weddings to count in the next couple years.

Your wing woman is no longer up for anything. She’ll still go out, but she’ll be so distracted texting her boyfriend all night and trying to meet up with him later that she won’t be of much use to you.

Seeing everyone in love makes you feel more lonely. Not that you aren’t happy for them, but when everyone close to you has a significant other it just emphasizes the fact that you don’t.

People say things like, “You’ll meet someone when you least expect it.” For some reason, people in relationships tend to forget all the cringeworthy things they hated hearing when they were single, and they just can’t resist passing on those pearls of wisdom to you in your time of need.

Witnessing awkward PDA. They’re so in love that they can’t keep their hands off each other. You get it. Doesn’t mean their public make outs don’t make you want to puke a little bit.

You’re always taking their picture for yet another Instagram post. Is this the only reason you two invited me along? You wanted some full body shots to break up all of those just-your-heads selfies you’ve been posting?

You have to plan way ahead if you want to see your friends without their boyfriends. Being in a relationship means their weekends are booked from here to infinity, and you should feel lucky if you can squeeze a coffee date into their packed couple’s schedule.

You have to listen to them complain about their relationships. They had some pointless fight about whose turn it was to fold the laundry, and they’ll say something like “you’re so lucky you’re single!” while you sigh and swipe through a few more weirdos on Tinder.

They all want to live through your single girl experiences. Every night out devolves into who can get the most matches using your Tinder. Then they all go home to their respective significant others, and you have to embark on the great unmatch fest of 2015.

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Why It’s Better To Date Around Than Settle Down

If you’re actively dating, then you’re aware of how awful it can be 90{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} of the time. Once you find a guy that you actually might have real feelings for, you’re ready to call it a day – not because you’re convinced he’s the one, but because you have absolutely zero interest in continuing the hunt. Unfortunately, that means limiting your options in a real way. Plus, when it comes to friends, it’s not like you find one new ones and then give up immediately. While I’m not suggesting you become polyamorous (unless that’s what you’re into), I am saying that one good Tinder date does not a relationship make. Here are perfectly solid reasons to keep several guys in rotation at once.

They’re probably doing the exact same thing. Look, I know peer pressure shouldn’t exist, especially as an adult. I’m just saying that in this day and age, it seems like there’s always another date hidden in a different app or at another bar. Obviously, it’s nice to believe that you’re such a ridiculously cool human person that after one date with you the boy in question will delete every app he’s ever been on, but that’s rarely the case IRL.

It keeps you from getting too attached too soon. Everyone knows that it’s entirely too easy to to start obsessing over someone before it’s socially acceptable. If you’re balancing a rotation of dudes, you’re far too busy fitting everyone into your busy schedule to think about whether or not your new guy is the love of your life (spoiler alert: unfortunately, he probably isn’t).

You’ll be less likely to overanalyze everything. It’s harder to wonder when someone’s going to text you next when you’re talking to two other guys, because there’s always someone texting you. It’s way better than having your phone in hand at all times, obsessing over what you did wrong on your last date. Whenever you date there’s the risk of heartbreak, but if you keep it casual, an almost-relationship is far less likely to destroy you.

You’ll always have something to do. One of my friends keeps a list handy of bars and restaurants she’s been dying to try, so when a new dude comes into the picture, she automatically has a place to go. While that requires research, it keeps dating from feeling like such a chore because you’re always exploring somewhere new.

You’ll never suffer from lack of attention. Be honest – one of the best parts of dating someone new is that little flutter you get whenever they text you some ridiculous inside joke that you just created. Imagine getting that feeling all the time, instead of just once in a blue moon.

You’ll get to take a break from swiping. Once you find a couple of dudes you like enough to see regularly, you’ll be able to finally forget about every dating app you’ve ever downloaded. Sure, you might find them there to begin with, but you won’t be left seeing someone but wondering if you should still be searching for potential gentleman callers on the interwebs. If you’re already dating multiple dudes, there’s less first date dread in your future, making your love life seem less like work.

You know that saying, “when it rains, it pours?” That’s true for love, too – not just the weather.  Have you ever noticed that the second you start seeing someone, guys start coming out of the woodwork? It’s like all your exes can sense that you’ve finally  moved on and swoop back in to interrupt. You’ll feel a little bit more confident knowing you have options, and people will be able to sense that — whether it’s cute guys on the subway or your exes who stalk you on social media.

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9 Single Women Stereotypes That Need To Disappear Immediately

Single girls get judged more often than those who are happily coupled up. It’s just a sad fact. People wonder why they’re still solo, what their bad dates are like, and if they even want to meet someone in the first place. Really, it’s no one’s business but yours if you’re single, whether by choice or circumstances, but there are some thoughts and viewpoints about single women that persist. Here are the 10 single women stereotypes that really need to go away ASAP.

The Free-Spirited Hippie. This stereotype is about a girl who not only doesn’t need a man, but doesn’t actually want one. She’s too busy trying new hobbies, dancing at summer music festivals while wearing something with fringe on it, and generally being super quirky. Does this girl actually exist beyond the catalog pages of Urban Outfitters? Let’s stop thinking that just because you have interests and hobbies, it means you don’t want a relationship, now or eventually.

The Bitter Mean Girl. She’s been burned in the past and now completely hates the opposite sex. This stereotype is a lot like calling a woman a bitch because she actually has opinions – and we all know that there are upsides to being a bitch, anyway. Just because you’ve gone through a bad break-up (which, hello, we all have) doesn’t mean you hate men.

The Heartbroken Hopeless Romantic. She’s the queen of romantic comedies. She listen to love ballads and cries (or sobs) when someone announces their engagement on Facebook. This one is just insulting because there is honestly nothing wrong with nursing a broken heart. No one really cries 100 percent of the time. And besides, if you’ve just been horribly dumped and find yourself crying in a diner with your bestie, that just means you’re human.

The Serial Dater. She goes on endless first dates and has never had a second one. If she has, she’s never had more than a month-long almost-relationship. People love to blame a single woman and say no guy is good enough for her. But it’s true sometimes. You should never settle for someone who has perfect qualities but isn’t perfect for you.

The Bridesmaid. You know the saying: “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” Thanks to the movies, this stereotype is going strong and people seem to think that if you’re in your friend’s wedding, that means you’re unhappily single and hate every moment of it. But not everyone wants to get married right now (or ever), so let’s stop expecting every bridesmaid to secretly want to be the bride.

The Career Obsessive. She loves her job so much she has no time for guys. You’ve heard this one a million times. Why can’t you want a career and love, too? We don’t shame perpetual bachelors who are all about their careers, so let’s stop shaming single girls who enjoy what they do.

The Super Strong Tomboy. This perpetual stereotype seems to suggest that girls with boyfriends or husbands can’t possibly be strong, too. As if, as Cher would say. Being in love has nothing to do with being strong or weak.

The Desperate One. She doesn’t want to meet a man, she wants a husband. She goes on tons of dates and freaks every single guy out so much that she’s still single. Okay, how offensive is this stereotype? And yet even us girls talk about it. One of my best friends used this stereotype to describe one of her own friends and it just made me shudder. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone we can eventually marry, so let’s stop putting down other girls.

The Commitment-Phobe. She’s totally going to be alone forever because she won’t put herself out there (wherever “there” is). Commitment is a bigger deal than a lot of us think, so let’s not make fun of this girl for wanting it to mean something before she lets just any guy into her life.

Love and dating are never simple, but let’s stop making things even harder for ourselves and let’s let go of these single women stereotypes. Whether we’re single or taken, we’re so much more than labels.

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10 Reasons NOT To Commit & Enjoy The Dating World Instead

Some people are “the relationship type”. They tend to be serial monogamists who will jump from relationship to relationship with little time in between to appreciate the joys of being single. While that might work for them, it’s not for everyone. A relationship can be hard work, and sometimes all that energy would be better spent somewhere else… like on yourself. There will always be disadvantages to being single, but there’s no point in letting them get you down. Focus on the positive and never settle, because being in a mediocre relationship is 100 times worse than not being in one at all.

You’re too young to settle down. In the US, the average age that women are getting married is about 27, which is an all-time high. There’s just so much to do before you decide to commit to one guy – things like school, career, and figuring out what you actually want to do with your life. Not that you can’t do that and be in a relationship too, but wouldn’t you rather be able to focus 100{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03} on what you want, instead of trying to make it fit with someone else’s needs, too?

Sleeping alone is so much better. Having someone to cuddle up with is nice, but so is being able to sleep in the middle of the bed with all the covers, all the pillows, and all the silence.

You can’t expect a guy to make you happy. The only person who can make you happy is you, and if you haven’t figured out how to do that, chances are a guy will just be a band-aid for a much bigger issue.

You just don’t have the time to devote to a relationship. You career, spending time with your friends, traveling everywhere you’ve always wanted to go… all that takes time and energy. So where exactly do you think you’re going to fit in quality time with a boyfriend?

Dating is fun. It’s also infuriating, frustrating, and completely ridiculous at times. But how do you know when you’ve found your prince if you haven’t have the misfortune of kissing a few frogs first?

You have enough family issues without having to add someone else’s family issues to the mix. Once you commit to someone, you commit to being a part of their family, too. That means double the family functions, and double the family drama.

Single people deal with petty fights a lot less often. Only two people who are in a committed relationship will ever fight about who left the toilet seat up again and whether to get Chinese or Thai for dinner in the same day.

You can have sex with whomever you please. Generally, if you’re in a relationship, you only have one option for sexual partner. That means you won’t ever be able to make the fantasy of what if would be like to see the guy landscaping your neighbor’s backyard naked, become a reality.

You’ll never have to compromise. That means you can get extra mushrooms on your pizza, marathon the latest season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and listen to Britney Spears’ greatest hits in the car without ever having to promise him anything in return.

Think about the break up. Just because you commit to someone doesn’t mean you won’t eventually break up. So you want to be really, really sure that this person is worth it if you’re willing to risk the eventual heartbreak.

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7 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Own Happiness By Being Too Nice

I would consider myself a nice person. I say hello and good morning to people who pass me on the street (like all good southern girls), I pride myself on how well I care for the people I love, and I’m always down to help a friend in need. But since when did “being nice” involve sacrificing your own happiness? Nobody’s going to give you an award for eating and paying for food you hate so you don’t upset the server, or for bottling up your feelings so as not to hurt your boyfriend’s feelings. There are some incidences in which being too “nice” can be bad for your own well-being and lead to you being extremely unhappy.

Your relationships are always one-sided. While there are plenty of reasons women stay in bad relationships, being someone’s doormat shouldn’t be on the list. If you’re taking on the brunt of the responsibilities in the relationship, reevaluate what it means to really have a partnership or even a friendship with someone. If you’re not both putting in equal work, it’s not much of a relationship.

People view your niceness as a weakness and take advantage of it. When you start being overly nice to people, they’ll sometimes use that to their own advantage (never underestimate people’s ability to be crappy). For example, if you start taking on someone else’s assignments at work on the regular, they’ll get all the credit and won’t stop you from taking on that task. You won’t receive anything but maybe a half-hearted thanks. Your bosses won’t know you did any extra work and your own work might even start to fall behind. Don’t let other people take advantage of your need to please everyone.

You’re emotionally repressed. Being non-confrontational  and trying to avoid petty drama is one thing; never speaking up when something bothers you in a completely different one. You shouldn’t bottle all of your emotions up just to spare someone else’s feelings, no matter how much you love them.

You never stand up for yourself. Your voice is getting lost amidst the crowd and you’re not being heard. You’re too “nice” to demand the respect of others, so people are stepping all over you. In your quest to be a nice person, you shouldn’t have to compromise the respect you receive or the happiness you’re trying to obtain.

You’re overworked and overwhelmed. Don’t let other people pull the wool over your eyes; constantly taking on other people’s problems as your own isn’t making you a better person. It’s nice to help people out so that they get a break, but you need downtime, too.

Your expectations of others are completely skewed. If you’re so nice that you’re constantly doing things for other people, you’ll start to expect the same from other people. You’ll start to be resentful and disappointed when everyone doesn’t go completely out of their way to help you all the time, when in reality, you shouldn’t have been placing that kind of weight on them in the first place.

You’re forgetting to set aside time for self-love. Self-love is the most important love of all. It’s like when a flight attendant is explaining how the very first thing you should do if the plane starts to crash is put on your own oxygen mask; not your kid’s mask, not your boyfriend’s mask, not your grandma’s mask — YOUR mask. That’s because if you’re not well enough to help yourself, you’re not going to be well enough to help anyone else around you. The same thing goes for relationships; don’t forget that while compromise is always important, your needs, feelings, and dreams shouldn’t be getting lost in the mix.

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10 Ways Your Single Life Is Like A Romantic Comedy

Being single isn’t exactly glamorous. It’s pretty easy to wear sweatpants all day (or week) long and not wash your hair for days on end because you’re not looking to impress anyone, but according to the movies, it’s both a charmed life and a totally sucky one, depending on the character and the film. Whether you’re a hopeless romantic who loves a good romantic comedy or you claim to hate these types of movies (while secretly enjoying them), here are some signs that your life is a lot like a rom-com these days. Hopefully, you’ll get your own happily ever after sooner rather than later.

You resist finding love when it presents itself. The true classic 10 Things I Hate About You has arguably the most feminist romantic comedy character of all time: Julia Stiles’ angry, indie-rock loving, smart and sassy bookworm Kat. She’s super content to be on her own, but would rather gag than admit she’s actually happy without a relationship. If this describes you, it’s okay to want to keep your cheesy thoughts to yourself, and it’s also okay to want to tell the world (or at least your circle of BFFs).

You’re always your true self, even when a guy eventually comes along. Think Andie in Pretty in Pink. She makes her own clothes and refuses to feel bad about her low-class status. She may get the guy in the end, but you just know she’ll never change who she is.

You’ve got a totally platonic BFF of the opposite sex. Andie and Ducky, Harry and Sally – the list goes on. No one can understand why you guys aren’t hooking up, but you believe 100 percent that a guy and a girl can be best friends. And if in the future you do end up with him, well, you can just go ahead and blame Hollywood, because so many friends become so much more than that by the time the end credits roll.

You’d rather look like you than a perfect version of yourself. The makeover movie should definitely be its own genre. Every girl that’s gotten a new look, from Tai in Clueless to Cady in Mean Girls to Laney in She’s All That, has realized she liked herself better before. This describes you if you’ve ever smiled at your reflection when you’ve gotten a haircut because, yeah, you look good, but you’re just as happy when you’re sprawled out on the couch with a messy top-knot and your favorite sitcom. You know binge-watching is so much better when you’re flying solo, anyway.

You’re that quirky/somewhat flaky girl in your friend group. You keep everyone entertained because you have new interests all the time, but you can also be chronically late and a bit forgetful (hey, you’re only human). You’re basically Summer in (500) Days Of Summer and everyone thinks you’re just so cool and mysterious.

You Julia Roberts every first date. Can we use Julia Roberts as a verb? I believe we can when it comes to her alter-leaving ways in the classic Runaway Bride. Okay, so you’re not ready for marriage yet, but you are never happy with any first date you go on. And who can blame you when first dates can be so awkward?

You’ve learned to live with your weirdness. Like Sam in Garden State who has a borderline embarrassing snort/laugh and just can’t stop lying 24/7, you know you have your weird moments and you aren’t ashamed one bit.

You can finally admit it: you’re a worrier. Some of us are just naturally born worrywarts and you’ve always been this way, even when you’ve been in a relationship, but your tendency to be more than a little uptight seems to get so much worse when you’re single – a.k.a. Katherine Heigl in any movie. You’re working on it. It’s not your fault there are so many things that could potentially go wrong at any moment.

Right now, your career dreams are way more important. You’re single by choice and you wouldn’t want it any other way, because you’re killing it at work these days. You may not be a journalist or writer but if you were in a rom-com, that would, of course, be your job.

You’re still open to love because you know you don’t need a guy – you just want one. The best rom-com single girls are the ones who love themselves and would rather die than change for a guy – yet they still want to be with someone. And that describes you 100 percent.

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Why Being A Third Wheel Isn’t So Bad Sometimes

Most people think of the third wheel as the pitiful single friend who tags along with her friends who have coupled up. I’m not sure why being the single person is such a bad thing. After all, isn’t it just three friends hanging out? Sure, two of those friends have certain benefits, but they can do that when you’re not around.

When you get rid of the stigma, it’s actually beneficial to be a third wheel sometimes. As long as you give your couple friends some privacy now and again, they’re happy to have you along. So forget what anyone else says and enjoy all the benefits of third wheeling.

Learn the dos and don’ts of relationships. What better way to learn what does and doesn’t work in a relationship than by hanging out with a couple? Your friends could give you all the advice in the world, but seeing them in action helps you to see their advice in action. For instance, your best girl friend might say her boyfriend loves shopping. You go with them and see the frustrated looks he shoots her behind his back.

Remind yourself how great it is to be single. Couples aren’t perfect. You’ll likely see your couple friends argue, compromise and do things they’d rather not do and never get any time apart. Suddenly, being single doesn’t seem so bad. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want without worrying about your partner.

You get double the friends. Sure you could just hang out with your best friend. Or, you could hang out with her and her boyfriend. As long as he’s a decent guy, you’re getting to hang out with more people without all the hassle of texting everyone. You make plans with her and she brings him along.

Every girl needs a great guy friend. It doesn’t matter how many great girl friends you have – you still need a guy’s perspective sometimes. What better guy friend than the one you’re friend is dating? You already know he’s into her, so there’s no risk of him thinking you want more than friendship. It’s perfect.

Sometimes you get free food. Let’s go back to the “parental” mindset of couples. When you go out with them, they’ll often pick up the tab. It’s kind of like being their kid. While it doesn’t happen all the time, free food sometimes is definitely worth being a third wheel.

It makes you feel a little less alone. In your desire to never be the third wheel, you’re left sitting at home on Saturday night. You could be out with a couple, having fun and forgetting all about being alone. Trust me, it won’t feel awkward. It’ll just seem like being with two really good friends.

You look obviously single… and guys notice. Let’s face it, it’s usually pretty easy to tell which two are the couple and which one’s the single person. Let the couple be your wing people. Guys aren’t as intimidated by you hanging out with a couple as they would a group of women. Display your single status proudly and guys will take notice.

You’re more comfortable doing couple things. There’s some things you really don’t want to do alone. You don’t have to actually be in a couple to do couple-like things, like going out for a nice dinner or watch a romantic movie with a couple. Instead of looking lonely by yourself, you’re just part of the couple and enjoying all the benefits without being tied down.

You’ll show your friend you’re supportive. You think you’re doing your friend a favor by not third wheeling her; she just thinks you hate her boyfriend. Hang out with the two of them sometimes. It shows both her and him that you support their relationship.

It’s all about fun, not impressing anyone. When you go out with the girls or by yourself, you’re busy trying to impress everybody. When you’re with a couple, you don’t care. You’re not competing against your friend for a guy’s attention and the guy you’re with only has eyes for your friend. You get to relax and just have fun.

It reminds you that love actually exists. Anytime you hang out with a couple that’s completely into each other, you can’t help but realize that love exists. Sure, you might want to gag at how cute they are, but it gives you hope that you’ll find that same feeling one day.

You get to meet his friends, too. Did you think her boyfriend was a hermit before her? Seriously, he has male friends who are probably single. The more comfortable he is with you, the more likely he is to introduce you to some of his sexy single friends.

Don’t avoid being the third wheel anymore. Enjoy it. You’re still a part of the couple’s life, so why not hang out with them sometimes?

Read more:

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  • 21 Questions to Ask at Your Next Visit to the Gynecologist

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Why Being Single Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Desirable

Basing our self-worth on the attention we get from guys is something we’ve all done at one point or another. Hopefully, you left that line of thinking back in high school along with your low self-esteem, but there are some moments (like when you realize you’re the only single girl left in your group of friends) that have a way of bringing those feelings back. But everyone is single at some point, and there’s usually a lot more to it than “guys aren’t interested in me”. Who’s saying you aren’t happily single and fighting guys off left and right, anyway? Here’s why being single doesn’t actually mean you’re not desirable, because you totally are.

You’re working on you. You’re single because you want to focus on yourself right now, not because you have no prospects. Being desirable to men isn’t always a priority, and that’s perfectly fine.

You aren’t interested in settling. Most single women could probably be in a relationship tomorrow if they wanted to be, but that would mean settling for a guy who isn’t exactly what they’re looking for right now. You have standards for a reason— you deserve the best.

Guys can be intimidated by hot women. He thinks you could have anyone you want and there’s no way you’d pick him. Guys can be just as insecure and afraid of rejection, and sometimes the women with the most going for them end up alone for longer because they haven’t met a guy who has the confidence to pursue them.

Spending some time single is necessary. If you’re in between relationships, the thought of getting serious might not be that appealing. We all need some time to regroup after a break up, and there’s no reason to rush into anything just to prove to people you can.

It’s more about timing. People love to give unsolicited advice about how you’ll find the one as soon as you stop looking. But that’s not always the case either. As much as you put yourself out there, sometimes timing just doesn’t work out and that’s no one’s fault.

It’s not you, it’s them. Ever stop to think that maybe it’s not you that’s undesirable, but all the men that are available to you at the moment? Your friends will jump at the chance to set you up with every single guy they come across, but if they aren’t what you’re looking for, it’s not going to work out.

Single doesn’t mean guys aren’t interested. You may not be in a serious relationship, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going out on dates. Maybe casual dating is all you have time for right now, but you’re definitely not sitting home alone every weekend crying over your single status.

Relationships aren’t for everyone. People in relationships think everyone else wants their life. They are so blissfully happy that they can’t imagine anyone choosing to stay single. But we’re all different, and if you don’t want to commit and actually enjoy being single, that’s your choice.

Desirability is in the eye of the beholder. Not every guy you ever meet is going to want you – that’s just life. That being said, I guarantee there are guys out there that will think you’re amazing – you just have to find the right one.

You don’t do things just to attract a guy. Even if trying to be someone you aren’t was guaranteed to attract men, would you do it? There’s no point because there’s someone out there that will love you for you anyway, and they are worth waiting for.

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The 10 Most Frustrating Things About Being Single

There are lots of things to love about being unattached. For one thing, you don’t have to get exhausted by the drama and uncertainty of being in limbo between the first date and a potential second one. You’re free, happy, confident. Aren’t you? No matter how happy you are to roll solo, eventually you’ll start to yearn for something more, and once you reach that point, there’s no going back – the single life will no longer look so fun. Here are some of the most frustrating things of being on your own.

It is possible to watch too much TV. As a self-professed TV addict, I can’t believe I’m saying this. But when you’re single, you tend to spend a lot of nights on the couch. It’s definitely awesome, it just gets old sometimes. You start wishing you had someone to meet for dinner… or at least to watch Netflix with you, too.

You miss the excitement of texting. Nothing stresses you out more than crafting that perfect text to the new guy you’re seeing. Now that you’re solo, you actually miss and crave having someone to text 24/7. Those early days seem so fun now that you’ve had some distance from them. In the words of Carly Rae Jepsen, you know you really, really, really like a guy when a text that he’s brushing is teeth is super thrilling.

Christmas sucks. Maybe I’ve watched too many Lifetime and Hallmark movies (I definitely have – no shame), but Christmas is such a romantic holiday. If you’re single in December, it feels so much lonelier than at any other time of the year. You want someone to drink spiked eggnog with and to drag to your crazy fam’s Christmas Eve party.

Your hopeless romanticism has turned into plain old depression. A dirty text from a Tinder guy may be the new version of romance, but you don’t care. You still believe in pink roses and candlelit dinners. Being single means a part of you is on hold. All you can do is watch cheesy movies and pine away. Who wants to be that depressed?

You constantly doubt yourself. As much as we want to appear confident, we all have dark days when we think if only we were cooler/prettier/thinner/whatever, we would have a boyfriend by now. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you definitely know that. It’s bound to drive you insane when all you do is think negative things about yourself and the reason you’re still single.

You wonder if a good first date actually exists. You’ve definitely had more than your fair share of bad dates and it’s inevitable that if you end up at a bar on a weekend, you could be seated near two people on a date. It’s usually not going too well. Add in the dating horror stories with your friends and it only convinces you that you’re meant for a life of boring drink dates.

Your ability to believe in “The One” is challenged daily. When you were in love, you never had to wonder if there was such a thing as a soul mate because you thought you had found him. The longer you stay single, the more you have to question whether there really is one special person for everyone. If there is someone out there for you, why haven’t you found them? You’ve definitely gone on enough dates by now.

You know you could get a date if you lowered your standards. It’s true, even if you just got dumped, because you can go on a dating site or app and find a date, and eventually one of those guys will want to be with you. It’s your decision whether you’re into them, too. It sucks to realize that this frustrating situation was actually all your idea. You’re refusing to settle and want to wait until you meet the right person.

You can go weeks without social plans. No matter how many good friends we have, people get busy. Between work and going away for the weekend, not to mention vacation plans, it can be tricky to schedule time for the people in your life, especially in the summer. But if you’re in a relationship, you’ve kind of got a built-in social life. You always have someone to see a movie with and to try that new Mexican place around the corner.

Your life feels unfinished. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We should keep growing and changing, otherwise what’s the point of getting older and supposedly wiser? But there’s something so comforting about relationships. You feel more secure than when you’re single – it’s just the honest truth.

Read more:

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Are You Meant To Live Alone? 12 Signs You’re Bad At Sharing Your Space

Some people are just not meant for living with anyone else. Cohabitating is a lot of hard work, and whether it’s your best friend, a family member or a boyfriend, you honestly just want them out of your hair – and your house. I mean, why compromise when you could have an entire space all to yourself? Okay, so maybe that’s a sign that I’m meant to live alone.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live alone – some of us just like things a certain way. Here are a few signs you’re not very good at living under the same roof as anyone else.

It’s your bed, all your bed. While many women can’t stand to sleep alone, some of us hate the thought of sharing the bed. The moment you get comfortable, your boyfriend kicks you in his sleep or starts snoring in your hair. The urge to push him out of the bed is unbearable. It’d much nicer if he’d just sleep somewhere else.

You’re OCD about your stuff. You have everything arranged just the way you like it. If someone touches it, you freak out. There’s no room in your porcelain cat collection for a roommate to put a stuffed dog. How could she ever think about it? She should just get her own place and leave your stuff alone.

Your clothes fill a small house. I honestly don’t know how I’d share a closet with someone else. I’m pretty sure I’m like many other women who need a small house just for their wardrobe. If you live alone, you get all the closet space in all the bedrooms to yourself.

You like your cat better than your friends. After a long day, you’d rather be around your cat than your friends. Why on earth would bring another person into your peaceful home? You’re sharing with your cat. Isn’t that enough?

You don’t even want a pet, let alone a roommate. It’s definitely a sign if you don’t even want a pet in your house. The thought of having a pet is just too much work and they’ll disturb you at random times. It’s just easier if the entire home is yours.

Sharing isn’t going to happen. Any women who never had siblings probably know that sharing isn’t easy. If you can’t stand the idea of having to share your ice cream or DVR with another person, you’re probably better off living alone.

Routines can’t be changed, AT ALL. This is non-negotiable. If you must be in bed by 8 PM, your roommate must be completely silent by that time. If you need to be in the bathroom for an hour at 7 AM, no one else better be in there. Okay, just forget it. If anybody’s living with you, they’ll just screw up your routines. It’s definitely better living alone.

Your favorite time of day is when everyone leaves. If you’re living with someone now, you’ve probably noticed the best time of day is when everyone is gone. You look more forward to this time than any other. It’s like Christmas every day. It could be Christmas 24/7 if you lived alone.

You’d rather pay higher rent to have it all. You probably gave in and got a roommate just to save money on rent. Now that you have the money, higher rent doesn’t sound so bad if it means having everything your way all the time.

Guys never get to spend the night. Odds are when you meet a new guy, you either hookup at his place or if he does come over, you kick him out the moment you’re done. You’ve both had your fun, so why should he still be around? After all, it’s your place, not his.

Bathrooms were never meant to be shared. If there’s one lesson women learn in life, it’s that bathrooms weren’t meant to be shared. You need room for all your beauty supplies and you definitely don’t want to wait for your turn in the shower.

Having people over awakens your inner beast. You’re trying to be sociable and invite a group of friends over, but all you keep thinking about is how they’re moving your stuff, sitting in your favorite spot and eating all your food. You just want to go all Hulk on them and toss them out.

Why can’t everyone just think like you? This is a thought you have on a daily basis. The moment your roommate does something to irritate you, you wonder why they couldn’t be more like you. Then you realize: you’re perfect, they’re not and they need to move out now!

People are just too damn loud. When even the sound of your roommate’s breathing at night drives you crazy, you’re definitely meant to live alone. No, you’re not getting old. You just like your peace and quiet. At the very least, you’re happier with your own random noises.

Go ahead and admit it. You love living alone. You don’t want others cluttering up your space. Kick out your roommates and take over your home.

Read more:

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12 Things You Need To Let Go Of So You Can Finally Move On With Your Life

In life, it’s hard to keep a positive outlook all the time. Sometimes, we get knocked down – and we don’t always want to get right back up. We get discouraged and hung up over certain things, but we shouldn’t allow that to get in the way of our success. We have to be aware that things aren’t always going to work out as planned, and we just have to roll with the punches. These are 12 things that you need to let go of so that you can finally move on with your life and be the badass woman you truly are.

The one that got away. Finding love and then losing it is one of the most difficult losses to cope with. We may meet someone who we really thought was The One, but for some reason, it just didn’t work. You need to let go of him, because if he was truly meant to be in your life, he would have stayed. Maybe he’ll come back in the future, but you can’t put your life on pause for him in the meantime.

Ex-boyfriends. Our exes were once a huge part of our lives, but not anymore. You broke up for a reason, and unless you’re planning on re-kindling a fire and working hard to make it last forever, then leave it alone. Don’t try to be friends with your ex and don’t keep him around just because you’re lonely. It’s over.

Old friendships. We all have friendships that we wish didn’t end. From time to time, we wonder how those friends are doing and wish them well, but people grow apart. We get older and not everyone sticks around. Friendship is a two-way street. Don’t make an effort for a friend that won’t make an effort for you.

Fear of rejection. Not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone is going to accept you. That’s okay. You don’t need every person you ever meet to be your number one fan. Surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are and forget about the rest.

Fear of failure. If you let your fear of failure dictate your actions, then you’ll never get anything done. Failure is inevitable, and we have to learn from it. After all, experience is the best teacher.

Past failures. Just because we failed in the past shouldn’t stop us from continuing to pursue our passions. As the saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Fear of getting hurt. You never know if you never try. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t, and you can’t possibly know which way things will go before you’ve even gotten started. It’s impossible to avoid getting hurt or upset about something that’s important to us, but don’t get carried so away with your emotions that you never put yourself out there to begin with.

Grudges against the people who’ve wronged you. Staying angry at someone or something is a complete waste of time. Accept the things that you can’t change and move on. Holding onto grudges does nothing for you except put you in a bad mood all the time and turn you into an angry, vengeful person. Let it go.

Waiting on permission from others. You don’t need to wait for other people to tell you that it’s okay to chase your dreams. Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Stop waiting on approval from for your friends and family.

Other people’s negative opinions. Never let someone else’s negativity bring you down. Think happy thoughts and work hard towards your goals. Amazing things happen when you stop caring about what other people think.

The idea that you aren’t good enough. Don’t underestimate yourself and never get in the mindset of thinking that you aren’t good enough. Ghandi once said, “Strength does not come from physical capacity, it comes from an indomitable will.” If you want something, go after it. You are good enough.

Trying to control everything around you. It’s okay to have a plan and be prepared, but keep in mind that anything can happen. A majority of the time, things work out best when you aren’t trying to control the situation.

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The Honest Truth About Why Dating Sucks

Getting ready for a date always seems so fun… until you actually have to do it. You try to stay calm and not think about what you should wear, but that plan never works out. Soon you’re convinced that this guy will hate your favorite dress and you haven’t even met him yet, let alone even left your apartment. Then you get to the bar and wonder why you even bother getting off your couch anymore at all. Sound familiar? For those of us who are searching for love, the dating world is not exactly the best place to be. It’s filled with awkward small talk, uncertainty and, okay, some crazy people. It’s time to get real and talk about why dating can suck.

It makes you feel superficial. They say that looks aren’t everything, but when it comes to dating, you need to be physically attracted to the other person. A sparkling personality will never make up for the fact that you’re just not feeling it, and thanks to dating sites and apps, we can judge people based on looks alone. You never want to think of yourself as someone who makes a big deal about someone’s physical traits, but being a part of the dating world means that’s exactly who you’ve become. It’s just necessary if you want to find a potential partner that you’re super into.

It’s, in a word, exhausting. First dates are exhausting. You’re putting your hopes and dreams on a person you kind of know (if you’ve met in the real world) or don’t know at all (hello, Tinder). You try to not care about the outcome, but of course you do. And if you’re having an off day, you can’t exactly cancel, so you still have to go and hope you’re coming off well. When you have a bad date, you may have a good story, but you also kind of want to give up forever. Second dates are exhausting, too, because yay, you’re seeing the person again, but does this mean you’re heading for something real? Are you even on the same page? Does he only want to sleep with you? Is there a third date on the horizon? So tiring.

You have to put in so much effort for very little reward. I was talking to a friend recently about how much fun I have working compared to going on bad dates (well, pretty obvious, right?) and she said it’s because when it comes to work that you love, you’re getting back what you put in. With a date, you make the effort to reach out to someone, make a plan, and meet them. If you don’t get along or something feels off, then you got absolutely nothing in return. It’s like the opposite of being in love when you definitely get something back from the other person.

The more you date, the more you think all dates are bad. You can become a pro at knowing when a first date isn’t going to result in a second. It’s a pretty depressing skill to have. If the guy makes one weird comment, you’re already mentally out the door. You’ve been burned and you can’t take any chances from now on.

People are weird. Okay, not ALL people, of course. But dating makes you think that you can’t even handle how strange people can be. The most confusing thing is how many guys don’t understand that talking about exes on the first date might not be the best idea. And that maybe they shouldn’t ask if believe in marriage when it’s been half an hour. (I wish I was joking.) We’ve all had those surreal-feeling dates where someone goes on a crazy rant or asks you odd questions. It’s enough to make you want to marry Netflix, if you haven’t already.

You tend to have more horror than love stories. That says it all, doesn’t it? If dating was so much fun and so awesome, we would have only good things to say about it. Instead, we swap stories like it’s a competition for the Worst Dates Ever.

The idea of settling doesn’t seem so crazy. On the one hand, you can’t blame people for settling when it’s so rough out there. On the other, you totally can because you should always make sure your feelings are real towards another person, or you’re just fooling yourself into thinking that things will work out. You definitely don’t want to be so picky that no one is ever good enough, but there’s a fine line between settling and easing up on that strict list of deal breakers.

Once you realize that dating sucks, you never want to date. You remember when you were young and naïve and thought that it wouldn’t be that hard to find love. Then you entered the dating world and started wondering if love even exists or if it’s just a made-up concept. Who can blame you for wanting to hang out with a friend instead of a bad potential date?

Staying single forever? Not the worst idea in the world. Admit it. You’ve wondered if this could actually be okay.

Most guys on dating sites and apps don’t actually want to meet you. This is a super irritating truth. There are tons of people who will talk to you for a few days, and then disappear when you suggest actually going on, you know, a date. Or people who get weird when you ask them for a drink and claim they’re only free in 2-3 weeks time, then ignore you. So if you’re using Tinder or OKCupid for your dating needs, this has probably happened to you more than a few times. We may just look like photos and profiles behind a screen but guess what? We’re still human. So FYI to everyone: if you go on a dating site, don’t be surprised if someone wants to go on a date with you.

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9 Signs You Expect Too Much From Men

When my relationship with my first love came to a dramatic end, his biggest complaint was that I wanted more for him than he wanted for himself. We were in college; I was the English major and he was in art school in Boston. As someone who drank too much, his ambition was minimal, and every day that passed that he didn’t give his art his all, it killed me. I pushed him too hard and expected too much, in both his art and our relationship. This was something he was finally able to tell me when we became friends several years after the breakup.

According to author and marriage expert Stephanie Cootz, people’s expectations of their partners are higher than ever. Where once upon a time women were content to stick it out, trapped in a 1950s kitchen, gender equality has made it so we get to be choosy; we get to have high standards for our partners and ourselves. However, there is such a thing as expecting too much, and in doing so you end up sabotaging your relationships. Here are nine signs that your expectations for men are just way too high.

You often question if they’re good enough for you. Look, every woman, at some point in her life, has wondered if the guy she’s dating is good enough for her. That’s completely normal. But when that preoccupation with the idea that you’re better than him is a constant thought that crosses your mind, you know you’re expecting something from him that he clearly can’t deliver.

You’re more likely to focus on their faults. People are not perfect. People mess up, fall down, and have weird, disgusting habits  it’s called being human. You either accept these imperfections or move on. You can’t expect someone to evolve past being human.

When they don’t follow through, you become furious. Whether it’s in your relationship or in his career, you take it personally when he doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do. It infuriates you that he’s selling himself short, because in your mind it means he’s selling you and the relationship short, too.

The idea of being second makes you sick. You can’t stand the thought of not being first in his life. You expect him to drop everything and everyone for you, even if that thing is his sick grandmother. You’re obsessed with him putting you first at all times, which is not only inappropriate, it’s unrealistic.

You keep tally of their mistakes. So, he forgot your anniversary or maybe drove past the bodega instead of stopping for more Diet Coke like you requested it happens. But in your case, because your expectations are so insanely high, you find this unforgivable, so you make a note and keep a running tally, as proof for the next time he makes a mistake.

You find more negative in them than positive. He’s lazy, he doesn’t work hard enough, he doesn’t love you as much as he should, he doesn’t value you how great you are, and on and on. If that sounds familiar, then you’re definitely creating standards that are probably unattainable.

You’re constantly in search of the ideal instead of reality. It’s one thing to “reach for the stars,” but it’s another thing to be so wrapped up in the ideal that everyone suffers. At that point, you might even be setting your expectations too high for yourself and you’ll be burnt out by the time you’re 31.

You have little room in your life for their errors. In fact, you’re so put off by any errors that he makes that you honestly feel that he’s just one mistake away from being dumped. Why would you want to waste your time on someone who isn’t perfect, anyway?

You want to change them. You can’t change people and, as a woman who’s dated men her entire life, I can attest to the fact that you definitely can’t change men. They’re a completely different breed from us, and let’s be honest, far from perfect. If you spend your time trying to mold a man into complete perfection, you’re not just walking around with obscenely high expectations, but you’ll find yourself banging your head against the wall. It’s just not going to happen.

Read more:

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9 Ways You’re Still Living The Single Life Even Though You’re Taken

For the perpetually single, starting a new relationship can be more than a little jarring. You flew solo everywhere you went, went to movies alone when the mood struck you and never checked “plus-one” on any invite. Having someone in your life can take some getting used to, no matter how much you’re into him and how thrilled you are with your new coupled-up status. Things are very different in your world, except for one thing: you haven’t changed your usual schedule or routine. Here are a few signs that you may have a boyfriend now, but you’re still living like you’re rolling solo.

Your Friday nights are still BFF time. Before your relationship status changed on Facebook, you shared stories and fruity cocktails with your friends on Friday evenings at your fave bar. Now that you’ve got a better half, you still do the exact same thing. While there’s nothing wrong with that – you should never ditch your besties for a boy — at a certain point, you have to make your boyfriend a priority, too, if you want the relationship to progress. That means maybe not going out every single Friday so can spend some time with him, too.

Your travel plans don’t include your boyfriend. Okay, so going on vacation with your significant other might mean crazy fights, but at a certain point, committing to another person means sharing a vacation. He’s going to feel left out if you plan a beach trip with your friend or even your mom instead of him. Maybe you’re worried that any travel snags or issues will ruin your bond, but every couple needs to go on that first trip together at some point, so you might as well start now.

You never mention him to anyone. A sure sign that we’re in love — besides the cozy feeling we get when we think about or spend time with the object of our affection — is that we tend to talk everyone’s ears off about how amazing it is that we’ve found this person. You’re still acting as if you’re totally unattached if you meet your friends for Sunday brunch and never even think to mention your boyfriend. Don’t talk about him the entire time, of course, unless you want to friends to throw you some seriously dirty looks. But casually mentioning that you guys are marathoning Breaking Mad or that he made an awesome curry the other night is totally okay and to be expected.

You’re still hung up on your bad dating memories. We’ve all gone on awful dates and lived to tell the sometimes hilarious tales, but if you’re in a good relationship and are still talking about your history of awkward dates, then you might want to ask yourself why you’re still stuck in the past when you have someone now. A great boyfriend is like a free pass to forget that there’s even such a thing as a bad date.

You haven’t met each other’s friends and fam. You’re not fully committing to this guy unless you make the effort to hang out with his little brother or allow him to meet your parents. Getting to know the people in each other’s lives is one of those steps on the path to a real relationship that matters. His mom might not love you right away (or ever) but that’s just an unfortunate reality of sharing your life with another person.

You never sleep over at his place and he never stays at yours. A pretty big hallmark of the single life is that you live alone (or with a roomie) and it’s pretty much just you and your TV addiction. Being in a relationship means sleepovers, plain and simple. You may call him your boyfriend, but if you’re not into him sharing your space some nights, then you’re still acting like you’re single.

You still show up at parties alone. What’s the point of having a boyfriend if you’re not going to bring him to that potentially awkward holiday party that your old college roommate is throwing? Yet many of us resist bringing our new guy into our social worlds. Don’t be afraid to let him in – what if he gets along with everyone famously and it turns out to be an awesome time, after all?

You have a bunch of backup guys. Single girls have the freedom to date as many guys as they want at the same time. If you’re still texting some guy you met on Tinder before you found your boyfriend, you’re acting totally single when you’re anything but. How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing the same thing?

You’re afraid to think about the future. If you’re insecure about the relationship or there’s something that’s just not adding up, then of course you wouldn’t want to invest everything you have and would want to keep one foot in the single world. That’s not a fun way to live, so either go all in or get out before anyone gets hurt (which they probably will, anyway).

At some point, you need to decide if you want to be officially solo again or to commit to this guy. So make a choice and you’ll find you’re so much happier because you won’t be caught between two worlds.

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Your Guy Friends Are Hurting Your Dating Game

There are a lot of perks to having guy friends. They usually come drama free because they say it like it is and don’t get wrapped up in trivial issues. They give great advice and won’t sugarcoat it like your girlfriends, they can ward off the creepy guys at the bar, and they’ll give you a background check on the friends they hook you up with. But at some point, hanging out with your guy friends will affect your current and future relationships and start messing with your dating game – and not always in a good way.

Everyone thinks you’re already taken. Are you and your guy friend a little chummy? Do you show up together at parties, talk at the bar and go out to eat one-on-one? It’s easy for it to appear that you’re an item rather than a couple of friends hanging out. Forget about picking up when you’re out with your guy friend. No one even looks your way because they assume you’re taken.

They’re overprotective of you in unnecessary ways. They’ll stop you from giving your number to the hot guy who they think will take advantage of you and pretend to be your boyfriend when an overly aggressive guy keeps coming back to talk to you. For all you know, one of these guys is perfectly good dating material, but no guy is good enough for you, according to your guy friends, and they’re not afraid to let you (and the other guys) know that.

You become just ‘one of the guys’. You get used to being called ‘dude’ and ‘man’ on the regular. They burp and fart around you and refuse to filter themselves because as far as they’re concerned, you’re just one of the guys. Eventually, the inevitable will happen. You’ll be interested in one of their friends, and you’ll get introduced as one of the guys. You’ll be the ‘cool girl’, but nobody wants to date the cool girl who kicks back with the guys. Hello, friend zone.

You start to question the intentions of guys you’re dating. When you hang out with your guy friends often, you get to hear dating stories from a guy’s perspective. You hear the sometimes disrespectful ways your friends are talking about the girls they’re seeing. You hear them talk about not caring or being serious, just wanting to get laid, or having three other girls on the side, and you start to wonder if the guy you’re into is saying the same things.

They intimidate other guys when you’re out. The same way women often won’t approach a guy out with a group of girls, not many guys want to approach a girl surrounded by four dudes. It’s hard enough to work up the confidence to go talk to a girl, but it’s that much worse when she’s surrounded by other guys who may or may not be just her friends.

Your friends’ friends are off limits. You’re basically like a sister to your guy friends, and when were brothers ever okay with their sister dating their friends? They don’t want to hear about your sex life with their friends, they don’t want to watch two of their friends engage in excessive PDA, and it’s likely going to be awkward when you break up and have to see each other again.

You pick up unladylike habits. It’s no secret that while it may be okay for men to burp, fart and swear on the regular, it’s not always the most attractive thing in a woman. Your guy friends may not mind it, but it’s often not making the top 10 list of traits your next potential boyfriend is looking for – and it’s definitely not the kind of things he’s looking to bring home to his mother.

You start thinking like a guy. Your guy friends are definitely going to make you tougher. They’ll tease you, challenge you and tell you to ‘man up’ when you’re upset. You may start to become motivated by sex, be less in touch with your emotional side and stop filtering your vulgar thoughts. Having this kind of mindset could push away men who want to feel needed, want to be the protector and want a partner with a softer feminine side.

The guy you’re seeing gets jealous. Not all guys are confident enough to handle you having a guy best friend. While watching a movie and platonically cuddling with your guy friend may seem harmless when you’re single, it’s likely not appropriate when you’re dating someone else. And while talking to your guy best friend on the phone for three hours until two in the morning seems perfectly normal, it’s going to take a lot of explaining to make your new boyfriend be okay with it.

Feelings start to develop (on either end). Let’s face it- while not impossible, it is rare for guys and girls to stay just friends. You could be warding off other guys because you’re focused on your best guy friend, who you see as more than a friend now. But the feelings aren’t always reciprocal, especially when you’re already in the friend zone. And if they’re the one to develop feelings for you, you can be sure they’re not going to make it easy for any other guy to swoop in. You can kiss all their friends goodbye as potential dates, and pretty much every other guy, too.

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10 Things To Remember When You’re Sick Of Being Single

They say the grass is always greener on the other side. We always want the things we don’t have and we take the things that we do have for granted. When you’re in a relationship, you miss certain freedoms of being single. When you’re single, you miss the stability of being in a relationship. Instead of wishful thinking, you should just live in the present and let things come as they may. Being single can suck sometimes, but it also has its perks. Here are ten things you have to remind yourself when you’re sick of being on your own.

Don’t try to turn a mediocre first date into a full-fledged relationship. Let’s face it: dating sucks. You have to go through a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming. Don’t get so desperate to be in a relationship to the point where you just pick any guy and call it a day. Never settle for less than you want or deserve.

Take it easy on the hookups. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean your “number” needs to triple in the span of a month. Yes, one of the perks of being single is being allowed to hook up with anyone you want, but you don’t need to go home with every guy you go on a date with. Have some class, ladies.

Don’t reach out to people from the past just because you’re lonely. One of the biggest downfalls of being single is fighting the battle of loneliness. Sometimes, we just want someone to cuddle and watch Netflix with. And sometimes, we revert to our exes or people we’ve formerly dated just because it’s familiar or comfortable. You should be moving forward, not backwards. It’s tough, but try to deal with the loneliness on your own.

Stop stalking your exes. You don’t need to know what your exes are doing. If he has a new girlfriend, don’t get down in the dumps about yourself. He found someone new, and you will too. Stalking your ex and his girlfriend’s Facebook doesn’t help anything and it won’t make you feel any better.

You still have your friends. Don’t forget about the fact that you still have friends. You don’t need a man to constantly keep you company. Go out for a girl’s night and spend time with your friends while you can. Before you know it, you’ll be in a relationship and they’ll be wondering where the hell you went.

You’re not doomed to be single for the rest of your life. You are single right now. You don’t know what’ll happen in the future. You can’t predict who you’ll meet in a month, a week, or even a day. People come in and out of our lives and you never know when it will happen, so don’t write yourself off as being forever single.

Now is the time to work on yourself. Being single is when you learn the most about yourself. After a number of failed dates, relationships, and heartbreaks, this is time to evaluate and re-evaluate what you truly want in life and the kind of person you want to be with. Learn to love yourself and learn how to be on your own. You need to work on yourself and be ready before being with someone else.

Embrace the freedom of not being tied down. Keep yourself busy with hobbies, your career, or whatever it is that fuels you. Work hard in the other areas of your life and focus on yourself while you can. This alone time is the time when you can do whatever you put your mind to without taking your significant other into consideration. Embrace this freedom while you have the time.

It’s not the end of the world. Your life isn’t over. No need to panic. There are worse things in life than being single. Don’t be overly dramatic just because you haven’t found the man of your dreams. All good things will come in time.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t let the label of being single define your entire life. You are not any less important or any less special just because you don’t have a boyfriend. Don’t get in the mindset of thinking that there is something wrong with you. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for someone else anyways. The right one will love you for exactly who you are.

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You’re Better Off Alone Than With Someone Who’s All Wrong For You

The thought of being single can be terrifying, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. A lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships just because they can’t imagine having to go back to the single life, but being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re alone, and there a lot of things about it that are actually pretty awesome. The bottom line is that being in a relationship is something that should make your life better. If it doesn’t, you’re with the wrong person, and you can do better.

You deserve the best. Don’t ever feel obligated to stay with someone for any reason. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of believing this is the best you’ll ever find, but if you aren’t happy, you can and will find someone better. You just need a little faith.

It isn’t supposed to be hard all the time. If you think relationships are hard work, then you’d be right. But that doesn’t mean the bad times should outweigh the good. You should be able to look at your relationship as a whole and honestly say you’re happy the majority of the time, or else it’s just not worth it.

One day you’ll regret settling. Maybe choosing to overlook certain things seems like a good idea now, but there could come a day where you wish you’d chosen to embrace the single life when you were still young. You don’t want to wonder years from now if there was someone out there who you would have been happier with.

Being single has its perks. There are too many awesome things about being single to list here. But just know that you definitely aren’t guaranteed to be miserable just because you don’t have a boyfriend.

You can’t force compatibility. Maybe he’s perfect on paper, and he’s exactly what you always thought you wanted, but there’s just no… spark. You have different opinions on some pretty important things, and he just doesn’t get your sense of humor. There are some things that no amount of dedication to the relationship are ever going to change, so just accept that he’s not The One and move on.

You could be focusing on yourself. Instead of figuring out who you are and what you really want, you’re working too hard to maintain a relationship that isn’t going anywhere. Stop wasting your time.

Figuring out what you don’t want is half the battle. We all date the person who’s all wrong for us at some point, but as long as you learn something from it and know when to call it quits, there’s nothing wrong with that. So, once you figure out they’re wrong, don’t stick around, because nothing is going to change.

It’s not going to suddenly get easier. If you’re only a year or two in and it’s not going well, chances are nothing short of a complete relationship intervention is going to turn things around. Instead of looking at it as time wasted, try looking at it as lessons learned.

You’re not the only one that can tell it’s not right. Anyone who’s close to you can tell something is off. They want the best for you too so if they think you’re settling, you better believe they’re going to bring it up at some point. And you definitely shouldn’t be letting your mediocre relationship cause problems in your friendships.

Relationships aren’t the only important thing in life. There are tons of other things to focus on that have nothing to do with who you’re dating. You need a life outside of a relationship, so get one.

You could be missing out of the right person. If you’re spending all your time trying to make a failing relationship work, you could be missing out on someone else who is perfect for you. Literally, they could be standing right in front of you, and you’d be too busy text-fighting with Mr. Wrong to notice.

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12 Thoughts You Have When A Hot Guy Is Checking You Out

Hot guys are lurking everywhere. Sometimes they appear with no warning and other times you see them majestically jogging in the distance at sunset. At some point in your life, one of these glorious hotties will give you the sexy eyes from across the room. Lots of things run through your head when this magical event occurs.

“Is there something on my face?” Why could this fine specimen possibly be staring at you? Is there makeup smeared on your cheek? Kale stuck in your teeth? An insect crawling on your face? The uncertainty makes you want to sprint to the bathroom to make sure nothing’s wrong and that this guy is indeed checking you out, not a brain-burrowing insect on your face.

“I’m not worthy.” You don’t feel like you’re on the same level as this guy. You’re flattered that he seems interested, but something in your head won’t let you believe that someone like this is into you. It must be a joke.

“This is awkward yet awesome at the same time.” Behaving normally when you know someone’s checking you out is impossible. You’re annoyingly aware of everything you do. You’re trying not to act weird or stupid, but you’re also basking in the glory of this guy’s gaze.

“I wonder what he looks like naked.” It’s okay to wonder. The only person that’s going to judge you is you… and maybe your friends, if you drunkenly let something slip. Then you’ll never hear the end of it.

“The things I would do to you…” Let those fantasies run wild, you pervert.

“He has such a nice smile.” Every time he flashes those pearly whites at you, you turn into a primitive version of yourself. You seem to lose all control over your grasp of socially appropriate facial expressions and other preappointed constructs deemed acceptable by society. You are an uncivilized monkey with poop stuck in your fur and he is a Greek god.

“I should go talk to him.” You must know this attractive person, but you may need a little more liquid courage first. He intimidates you, but at the same time you feel a strong urge to strike up a conversation. More whiskey should bridge that annoying gap.

“Shut up, you guys!” Your friends have likely noticed the guy that’s checking you out. They’ve also noticed that you are admiring his fine self, as well. Now they’re being obnoxious and talking really loudly, trying to embarrass the ever-living piss out of you. Every time you exchange a smile with the guy or he walks anywhere near you, your super supportive friends go, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Holy crap he’s coming over here.” Time doesn’t slow down as he approaches. There’s no cheesy chick flick sorcery going on here. You have no time to prepare yourself. He was at his table, but ten seconds later he’s arrived at yours. He’s here, right in front of your face, and you haven’t thought of anything to say. Don’t blow it, Awkward Annie.

“I could listen to you talk for days.” He speaks smoothly and confidently. He doesn’t use any clichés and doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. You have a lot of things in common and seem to share the same twisted sense of humor. Stop staring at his mouth, you idiot.

“Why was I so nervous? He’s so nice.” You were psyching yourself out for nothing! This guy’s very laid back and easy to talk to. You have nothing to worry about and it seems your friends like him, too. He probably has other hot friends for your friends. You immediately flash forward to thoughts of everyone hanging out and getting hammered together with inspirational music playing in the background.

“We exchanged numbers! SCORE!” It isn’t necessarily smooth sailing from here, but the first dating achievement has been unlocked. Now all you have to do is plan awesome dates and go on epic adventures together. And do terrible sexy things to each other when no one’s around. That too.

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Why It’s Time To Stop Setting Up All Your Single Friends

You’re the perfect example of the fairy tale relationship. Why not make sure all your friends get a happy ending, too? I’m not sure what makes couples think they need to play matchmaker. Do they realize how many Mr. Wrongs you went through to find Mr. Right? I don’t care how in love you are – it’s time to stop setting up your single friends. If they ask for help, by all means go ahead and let your inner matchmaker out to play. Otherwise, butt out and let them handle their own love life.

Blind dates ruin friendships. You describe Channing Tatum, but he’s more like Donald Trump minus the fat wallet. Do you really think she’s going to grateful that you set her up and wasted yet another Saturday night for her? No. Keep it up and she’s just going to think you hate her. After all, why else would you keep putting her through this?

You don’t know what they want. I know you think you know everything about your friends. You don’t. You don’t know what they’re really looking for in a date. Usually, you’re either setting your friends up with the first available single person you find or you’re looking for guys you would like.

You’re not a love expert. Do you even know what love is? Sure, you’re in a relationship, but how long will it last? Even if you are in love, that doesn’t make you an expert. Love’s different for everyone. Take a look at your license – does it say “Cupid”? I didn’t think so.

They might like their single status. Did you ever stop to think that maybe your single friends like being single? They get tired of trying to politely tell you they don’t want to go out with anyone. Give them a break. At the very least, ask if they’re interested in dating right now.

You don’t know why they’re single right now. As much as you talk to them, you might not know the real reason why they’re single. Maybe they’re still hung up on an ex or they’re planning a big move and don’t want to get attached to anyone right now.

It’s just plain awkward for everyone. Once in a while, it works out. I’ll admit that. The majority of the time, all those setups just turn out bad. It’s even worse if you’re setting up your friends with your man’s friends. Now when everyone gets together, it’s this awkward silence. It’s really hard to hang out with a bunch of failed first dates.

No one wants to be set up with strangers. That hot guy in the grocery store looks perfect for your friend. Do you even know what kind of psychopath he might be? Yes, those few seconds you talked to him were great. Now you want to set your friend up on a date with this guy? Trust me, no one wants to be set up with a complete stranger.

You’re not their mother. Mothers pestering their kids to find the right person is annoying. The more you play matchmaker, the more you’re acting like their mother. Think about that. Do you really want to be their mother? They want a friend, not another nagging parent.

Two singles doesn’t mean love at first sight. Single women go through quite a few frustrating types of setups. It’s the rare one that actually leads to anything. Just because you set up your friend with a single man doesn’t mean it’s going to be love at first site. Odds are, they’ll probably never want to see each other again.

Your single friends hate you. Have you noticed your single friends avoiding your texts and calls? When you do try to make plans with them, they’re always busy? It’s not them, it’s you. They’re tired of being set up. They’re avoiding you because they hate what you’re doing to them. Stop it or lose your friends.

Focus on your own relationship. What’s happening to your own relationship while you’re busy messing around with your friends’ lives? Is your relationship so horrible that you have to live vicariously through everyone else? Try working on your relationship and let your friends find love in their own time.

I’ve yet to meet a couple, myself included, that hasn’t tried to set up at least one single friend. Here’s a new rule to follow – only set up your friends if they ask. Otherwise, just let them enjoy being single.

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How To Make The Most Of Your Dating Dry Spell

By choice or by chance, we sometimes end up taking a bit of a hiatus from our search for love. Sometimes it’s a welcome break from a stream of endless crappy dates, and sometimes it’s the result of heartbreak. But you don’t have to spend this alone time face-planting into endless pizzas and wondering when you’re ever going to find The One. We all go through this sometimes, so give yourself a break. Here’s how to make the most of this time in your life.

Travel or become a homebody. Some of us are adventurous spirits who dream of checking off places on our to-travel list. Others would rather curl up at home with a cozy movie or book. Either one is totally cool. When you do start dating again, you’ll have to be both adventurous and okay with staying in sometimes, since no relationship can handle going out every single night – or only staying home every single night, either. So choose what you want to embrace right now and do it.

Indulge in your guiltiest of pleasures. Listen to some nostalgic ’90s pop or watch the cheesiest of teen dramas. No judgment here. This is your time, so why not spend it the way you truly want to? We all claim to love Mad Men and other serious dramas but if reality TV is more your thing, watch to your heart’s content. TV watching is so much better when you’re solo, anyway.

Be honest about what you’re ready for. It’s easy to get swept up in a new romance and allow things to move super fast. There’s no time to think and you’re too focused on your hormones. But when you’re single, you can use the alone time to consider whether you actually want commitment or are okay staying single for a little while longer. It’s so much better to decide now rather than risk hurting someone or getting hurt.

Get domestic. Okay, you don’t need to wear an apron and whip up a three course meal every night. But it’s cool to take pride in a clean and nicely decorated apartment, and it’s always good idea to learn how to cook. Not so you can cook for your next boyfriend – hello, 1950s – but so you can be proud of yourself. It’s pretty awesome when you create something delicious in the kitchen.

Become more interesting. Of course you’re already a super interesting person, but it never hurts to take up a few new interests and hobbies. They’ll distract you from your single status and make for great first date conversation once you’re ready to get back out there, as they say (wherever “out there” is).

Have some girl talk. Hearing horror stories about the boys your friends are dating will make you feel 100 percent better if you’re a bit down about not having anyone in your life right now. This won’t be hard since this kind of discussion happens on every single girls’ night out.

Turn up your social life. There’s no reason to sit at home. Say yes to every party invite. Go to work events. Stop groaning about that family BBQ and show up with potato salad and a smile. A life well lived means going out and being with other people. Just because you’re on a dating break doesn’t mean your social life has to become non-existent.

Follow your dreams. There must be something you want to achieve, whether it’s career-related or not. Now’s the perfect time to explore your dreams and goals, so go ahead and make them come true.

Have fun. What’s the point of being alive if you’re not enjoying yourself? Life has its hard moments whether you’re single or totally taken, so why make it worse by not having fun?

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If Dating Makes You Anxious, These 13 Stress-Free Date Ideas Should Help

If you’re dealing with dating anxiety, you know the struggle of going out with a guy you really like (or might like, if you could forget your anxiety for long enough). But you don’t have to be around a bunch of people or do anything you’re uncomfortable with to have fun. Any halfway decent man isn’t going to mind working with you to find an idea that makes sure you both enjoy your time together.

While I can’t help reduce the anxiety of getting ready for the date, I can tell you about some fun date ideas for anxiety. You’ll quickly relax and let go of your stress for a little while. Plus, these ideas work great no matter how long you’ve been together. Try these whether it’s been a week or 10 years.

Cook dinner together. Don’t want to go through the stress of picking a restaurant or feeling like the other patrons are judging you? No problem. Plan on cooking dinner together. It’s intimate, fun and your meal is fixed just the way you like it. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Put together a box dinner kit  and bake some refrigerated cookie dough.

Quiet picnic away from others. The thought of going to a crowded park might make you panic. The idea here is to pack a basket of picnic friendly food and find a quiet spot to spend the afternoon. Ask your guy to scope out local parks and picnic areas to see what the best times and places are.

Tour a museum or art gallery. Quiet, calm places are usually great to ease your nerves. Check out local museums, art galleries or other places. For instance, your city might offer guided history or ghost tours that only involve groups of 10 or less. It’s enjoyable and you still get to go out. Try to find times when there won’t be crowds to make it easier on you.

Double date or go out in a small group. Going to dinner with just your guy might seem overwhelming. Gather support by asking a friend to double date with you. This is perfect if you’re just starting a new relationship. You could even go out in a small group of three couples if you’re okay with it. The idea here is to ensure you never feel pressured to keep the conversation going.

Volunteer with a favorite charity. Spend a day volunteering for your favorite charity. It could be something as simple as putting together care packages or decorating for an event. Doing it together allows your man to experience something you’re passionate about. Plus, you meet like minded people so you always have something in common with those around you.

Watch the stars in the backyard. If you’ve got a good view of the sky, lay a blanket in the backyard, put on some soft music and watch the stars together. It’s romantic and you can always talk about constellations or whatever comes to mind. Of course, cuddling is always an option if you don’t feel like talking.

Play board games all night. Pick a few board games that you love and know how to play. Grab a bowl of popcorn and sit around together playing games. You get so involved in playing that you forget about many of your stressors. Avoid any games that might get you worked up, such as anything too competitive. The idea is to relax and have fun, no matter who wins or loses.

Bring the movies to you. Spending an evening in a crowded theater might make you break out in a sweat. No problem. Put up a large white sheet against a flat surface, such as a wall or outdoors against the side of your house. Buy or rent a small portable projector that supports DVDs. Suddenly, you have a big screen movie at home.

Learn a new hobby together. Is there a hobby you’ve always wanted to try? If it’s something neither of you know how to do, spend the day learning it. Since know one’s a pro at it, you’ll feel more comfortable helping each other learn. Plus, you get a new hobby to share together on future dates.

Stay in and talk all night. Dates don’t have to be complicated. Get some take out, curl up on the couch and talk. Take turns asking each other random questions. Set some rules upfront about whether highly personal questions are allowed or not. You learn about each other and have fun at the same time.

Go to a comedy club. I know there’ll be  crowds, but everyone will be so busy laughing at the person on the stage that no eyes are on you. Besides, laughing helps relax you. It’s a good option for a first date, especially if the guy really wants to go out instead of staying in.

Dress up and check out a Renaissance fair. It might sound corny, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Imagine going somewhere where the entire idea is to pretend to be someone else. It’s not about being the prettiest or the sexiest. You just dress in period clothing, walk around and enjoy the festivities.

Have a day trip to explore nature. You could always spend the day getting away from the always connected life. Plan a road trip to see random sites, hike a small mountain trail or find a secluded public lake to swim in. Do a little research first to see what’s around you. If you avoid weekends, there’s usually very few people around.

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15 Things That Are Better Than Having A Boyfriend

Being in a relationship can be one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever experience. We all like the thought of sharing our lives with someone, and having another person to rely on during the tough times. There’s no denying that both being in a relationship and being single have their pros and cons. The Beatles may have said “all you need is love”, but sometimes love is the last thing on your mind. Don’t wish your single days away, because there will come a time when you’d love just a couple hours of that single-girl freedom you used to take for granted. Here are some things that are way better than a boyfriend:

Sleeping spread eagle with all the blankets. Not to mention all the pillows and no sweaty dude to smack you in the face when he thrashes like a fish on land. Hello eight hours of solid, uninterrupted slumber. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

Coming home to find your snack stash intact. And you didn’t even have to attached a strongly worded note to it, hide it all over the house, or threaten him via text with bodily harm if he dares to touch the brand new box of Oreos you just purchased.

Flirting shamelessly. What’s better than flirting hard with a cute guy you just met and not having to worry about when you should let him know you have a boyfriend?

Never watching movies you don’t want to watch. Hate horror movies? You’ll never have to compromise and force yourself to watch one even though it gives you nightmares again.

Eating all the cake. This could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how concerned with calories you are. Either way, it’s your choice.

Doing nothing all day long. In your sweatpants with no makeup and last night’s unwashed hair too.

Shopping without judgement. Because yes you DO need that black Calvin Klein purse even though you already have three other black purses. It’s different. And it was on sale. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself.

Having an orgasm every time. Because if you’re doing it yourself, it’s all about you, and you know exactly what you like.

Endless BFF time. This could mean a full weekend sleep over like you’re in high school again. No need to schedule time with her in between boyfriend obligations.

A bottle of wine in your PJs. With no intention of going out unless it’s for a snack.

Going weeks without shaving and not giving AF. Especially in the winter. You need that extra insulation.

No “where is this going” panic attacks. No petty fights, wondering why he isn’t texting you back, or if he’s as serious about the relationship as you are, or compromising “for the sake of the relationship” either.

Wearing a sports bra or no bra all damn weekend. Your boobs aren’t meant to be contained 24/7.

Getting an awesome promotion. Look at you, focusing on your career and not needing anyone to take care of you. Be proud.

Pizza. And no one to judge you when you order one and eat the entire thing all by yourself over the course of the evening.

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The Downsides Of Being Single

There are lots of things to love about being unattached. You don’t have to get exhausted by the drama and uncertainty of being in limbo between the first date and a potential second one. You’re free, happy, confident. Aren’t you? No matter how happily single you are, eventually you’ll start to yearn for something more, and once you reach that point, there’s no going back. The single life will no longer look so fun. There are more than a few frustrations when it comes to being single.

It’s possible to watch too much TV. As a self-professed TV addict I can’t believe I’m saying this. But when you’re single, you tend to spend a lot of nights on the couch. It’s definitely awesome. It just gets old sometimes. You start wishing you had someone to meet for dinner or at least to watch Netflix with you too.

You miss the excitement of texting. Nothing stresses us out more than crafting that perfect text to the new guy we’re seeing. Now that you’re solo, you actually miss and crave having someone to text 24/7. Those early days seem so fun now that you’ve had some distance from them. In the words of Carly Rae Jepsen, you know you really, really, really like a guy when a text that he’s brushing is teeth is super thrilling. Your BFF telling you that she saw the latest episode of unREAL doesn’t have quite the same effect.

Christmas sucks. Maybe I’ve watched too many Lifetime and Hallmark movies (I definitely have – no shame) but Christmas is such a romantic holiday. If you’re single in December, it feels so much lonelier than at any other time of the year. You want someone to drink spiked eggnog with and to drag to your crazy fam’s Christmas Eve party.

Your hopeless romantic ways have been put on pause. A dirty text from a Tinder guy may be the new version of romance but you don’t care. You still believe in pink roses and candlelit dinners. Being single means a part of you is on hold. All you can do is watch cheesy movies and pine away. Who wants to be that depressed?

You sometimes wonder if it’s your fault. As much as we want to appear confident, we all have dark days when we think if only we were cooler/prettier/etc. we would have a boyfriend by now. Fact: there’s nothing wrong with you. You definitely know that. It’s just so crazy-making when you find yourself thinking negative stuff about why you’re still single.

You wonder if a good first date actually exists. You’ve definitely had more than your fair share of bad dates and it’s inevitable that if you end up at a bar on a weekend evening, you could be seated near two people on a date. It’s usually not going too well. You may swap dating horror stories with your friends and it only convinces you that you’re meant for a life of boring drinks dates.

Your belief in The One changes. When you were in love, you never had to wonder if there was a soulmate because you thought you had found him. The longer you stay single, the more you have to question whether there really is one special person for everyone. If there is someone out there for you, why haven’t you found them? You’ve definitely gone on enough dates by now.

You’re single by choice. Here’s the truth, even if you just got dumped. Because you can go on a dating site or app and find a date, and eventually one of those guys will want to be with you. It’s your decision whether you’re into them, too. It sucks to realize that this frustrating situation was actually all your idea. You’re refusing to settle and want to wait until you meet the right person.

You can go weeks without social plans. No matter how many good friends we have, people get busy. Between work and going away for the weekend, not to mention vacation plans, it can be tricky to schedule time for the people in your life, especially in the summer. But if you’re in a relationship, you’ve kind of got a built-in social life. You always have someone to see a movie with and to try that new Mexican place around the corner.

Your life feels unfinished. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We should keep growing and changing, otherwise what’s the point of getting older and supposedly wiser? But there’s something so comforting about relationships. You feel more secure than when you’re single – it’s just the honest truth.

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15 Things You Can Say Next Time Someone Asks Why You’re Still Single

If you’ve ever been single (and haven’t we all?), you know people tend to look at you as if you have some kind of plague they don’t want to catch. The only way they know how to deal is to find out why. How are you possibly surviving without a significant other by your side? Granted, they probably don’t mean it in a “what’s wrong with you that you’re still pathetically single?” kind of way, but the question still has a slightly condescending vibe to it nonetheless. While it can be satisfying to just smirk and ignore the question completely, sometimes you need a comeback that will guarantee they never ask anyone this ridiculous question again.

“I’m currently on a dating hiatus.” There’s only so much fruitless effort one can put into something before they decide to pack it in and embrace the single life.

“I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no one worthy of me.” I’m smart, funny, spectacular in bed, and I love to cook. I’m not going to waste all this on someone who doesn’t deserve it.

“I think they real questions is, why aren’t you single?” Yes, I’m flipping the script and questioning your decision to be in a relationship. Who decided being single was wrong and being attached was right?

“I can’t have sex with whoever I want if I’m in a relationship, now can I?” Well I mean, I could, but I’d really like to try the monogamous relationship thing next time. Why are you laughing?

Just burst into tears and wail, “I don’t knooooow!” Can you set me up with literally every guy you know? I need to get some more irons in the fire or I’ll probably end up alone forever, right?

“I need to get through the next season of Grey’s Anatomy before I can even consider making time for a guy in my schedule.” Not to mention every single episode of every Real Housewives franchise.

“I have no interest in dating any of the frat bros that always seem to be attracted to me.” Just because guys are interested in me, doesn’t mean I’m interested in them. I’m not going to settle just so I don’t have to be single.

“I’m saving myself for Ryan Gosling.” I mean, who wouldn’t?

“I’m in a relationship with my vibrator right now.” It’s kind of serious.

“I’m still catching up on all the sleep I lost during my last relationship.” I think after the torture of a boyfriend who snored like a freight train, insisted on strangle cuddling me all night long, and hogged all the covers, I deserve to sleep spread eagle for a little while without judgement.

“My cats take up most of my ‘social’ time.” They don’t like it when I go out on the weekends, and they really don’t like it when I have visitors. Gotta keep my babies happy.

“I can barely commit to what I’m eating for dinner, let alone a relationship.” I figure it’s better to just spare everyone my commitment issues for the time being.

“I’m single by choice, dammit.” This might be the most shocking reason of all.

“We’re born alone, and we’ll die alone.” Why fight it?

“I have no interest in conforming to the expectations of an outdated patriarchal society that people like you insist on trying to force on me. I’m perfectly capable of being on my own and having all the things a woman in a relationship has. If I find someone I want to date, I’ll date them. But for now, I’m happy never having to compromise, not having in-laws, and getting to do whatever I want, whenever the hell I want.” Does that answer your question?

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Breaking Your Sexual Dry Spell Might Be Totally In Your Control

You’re in a sex drought. Regardless if you’re single or in a long-term relationship, it just happens and it sucks. At this point, going out with the girls is getting uncomfortable because your friends are either gushing about their wild sex lives with their boyfriends, or somehow never seem to leave the bar without at least three guys drooling over them. Your friends are hot, sure, but so are you. So what are you doing wrong?

It probably has nothing to do with your appearance and everything to do with your attitude. When you exude sensuality and confidence, steamy sex is sure to follow. If you aren’t getting screwed like you need to be, here are some fatal mistakes you’re likely making.

You’re not comfortable naked. If you don’t love your body, how can you expect anyone else to? No matter what you’re rocking under those clothes, take them off with confidence. Men are thinking about one thing when you strip, and it’s not your cellulite. Don’t ruin the mood by acting self-conscious.

You’re the loudest one in the room. It’s okay to feel yourself, but you don’t need to be obnoxious to get attention. You may think you’re being funny, but you’re really just being unattractive. You don’t need to be meek and hide away, but you don’t need to take over the entire room.

You’re a follower. Whether you’re with your boyfriend or some rando that just bought you a drink, do not follow him around! No guy likes a girl who can’t make new friends or have fun on their own. Hit the dance floor with your girls and catch his eye from across the room. He’ll want to rip of your clothes right then and there.

You’re a servant. As much as a man might think he wants a girl that agrees with everything he says and does anything he asks, it’s just not attractive. Nothing’s sexier than a woman that can think for herself and does her own thing.

You never let loose. Being uptight in the bedroom is never sexy. Ever. Get on top, try new things, ask him what he wants. Most likely you will get exactly what you need in return.

You’re 50 shades of problems. Sex doesn’t mean commitment, but guys usually don’t have sex with people they don’t want to be around at all. If you project yourself as angry, broken, and depressed, no one will want to touch you or your problems with a 10-foot pole.

You’re not approachable. Just because you’re attractive doesn’t mean you’re approachable. You can be the baddest girl in the room, but if your body language is saying “I’m too good for you,” no one will come near you.

Everyone falls short of your expectations. It’s okay to have values and standards, but if you set your expectations too high, you may be writing people off without even giving them a chance. You may be looking for tall, blonde, and tan, but it’s okay to give strong, dark, and handsome a chance every once and a while. He may end up surprising you.

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Most Dating Advice Is Outdated & It’s Time To Get Over It

The dating game has changed in a big way in the 21st century. While casual hookups have always been a thing, they’re practically the norm now. With our new hook-up culture, women are still projecting old school expectations on the men of this generation that, quite frankly, need to be tossed off the fire escape. Seriously, ladies; this is the same generation that has entire websites dedicated to discussing and sharing screenshots of our frequent receipt of penis pictures and unwarranted offers of sex. It’s time we update our old school rule book by axing these tired dating traditions.

The man must initiate. Whether it’s waiting for him to ask you out or to text you first, there’s such a thing as confidence and it’s not sacrificed if you are the first one to reach out. This doesn’t mean go overboard and send eight texts in a row telling your life story in emojis. If you want to ask him out for a drink, do it. If you want to send a text to say Hi, do it. If you don’t get a reply or a yes, oh well! Move on and weed the game players out early, before any real feelings are invested.

Real men open doors. You’re a millennial woman; you can open the doors yourself. It’s a bonus if a man does, just don’t assume he’s a loser if he doesn’t. His version of chivalry might be of the modern variety. Maybe he doesn’t open doors, but instead he offers you the last piece of pizza, or takes the selfie for the two of you to get your best facial angle.

The ring should be three months’ salary. While some men do still follow tradition, it shouldn’t be expected. Women seem to have a strong sense of entitlement when it comes to getting engaged and are focused on what the ring looks like/how much it costs. Times are tough, yo! Let your man buy you what he can afford. In this generation, receiving someone’s commitment for the rest of their lives is hard enough, so don’t knock a guy down because you got 0.5 carats instead of 2. The fact that he loves you that much should be enough. Besides, even the biggest ring in the world isn’t worth a crappy marriage, so get your priorities in line.

He should write you love letters. You’ll need to accept that the “good morning, babe” text message is the modern equivalent. As much as we wish that every man was the embodiment of The Notebook‘s Noah, who wrote Allie a letter by hand for every day of the year, it’s not reality. Some men even forget to sign their names on a Valentine’s Day card. Every man has a different love language and it’s time to come to grips that yours may not be the poetic worded kind.

The first date should be thoughtful. Let’s face it: dates are happening more often and more frequently for everyone. While yes, you want to feel like you’re being courted by the new guy taking you out, you can’t always expect it’s going to be dinner and a movie. Especially when in some places, the movie alone for two people with popcorn and a soda is upwards of $50. If he suggests just a coffee or a drink, don’t assume he’s cheap. Understand that if you are the one he chooses to spend more of his time with, the dates will likely to progress into longer, more meaningful ones.

No sex before commitment.  It’s a nice idea in theory, but don’t forget that we’re labelled the “hook-up culture.” It’s perfectly cool if you want to hold off a bit until you actually know more about the guy, but don’t base your entire decision on the fact that you’re waiting for a label to be given to the relationship. Instead, just have fun and enjoy the moments as they come. If the moment feels like sex is right, then go for it. In the end, if the guy is going to be a disrespectful douche and think less of you for sacking up when you felt right, he wasn’t the guy for you anyway.

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6 Ways To Cut A Bad Date Short Fast

Dating is a real crapshoot these days, and most of the time, the people who you’ll date *are* crap. The problem is that even if they didn’t seem like crap earlier on, you’re seriously wasting your time. More often than not, the dates that you go on with these guys aren’t even fun – even if they’re at the hottest restaurant in town.

At the end of the day, you’re not getting anything worthwhile. You might not even be having fun. In other words, you’re more than entitled to cut a date short if a guy makes a royal ass out of himself, if you’re not having fun, or if there’s no spark. Here are six ways you can cut a date short, and spend less time with losers.

Be blunt.  Get up, grab your purse, and tell him flatly that you’re not interested in continuing the date. If he asks why, tell him that you’re not compatible and leave it at that. You don’t owe him an explanation, and actually telling him why will just make him think he has a chance to fix the situation. It may take courage, but at least you’re upfront about it and not wasting his time, either. To keep things safe, always do this in a public setting where he’s less likely to go psycho on you, and always take your own car.

Pull the old “emergency call from a friend” trick.  For a while when I was single, I used to have a friend who would call me at one point during the date. I’d always answer it. If the date went badly, I’d tell my date that there’s an emergency I’d need to take care of, then I’d bolt. If the date went well, I’d answer it and tell my date that it was my “safety call.” If I didn’t answer, my friend would call the police after 5 hours of no reply. It was a safety measure as much as it was a way to get out of a date without hurting a guy’s feelings. It works well, though in 2015, guys have started to catch on to this. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; it may just be the hint he needs to realize that you’re not into him.

Go to the bathroom and don’t come back.  This is the real-life version of “ghosting,” and it’s been around since the dawn of time. While they aren’t looking, or after excusing yourself to “powder your nose,” bolt. Drop $20 at the waiter if it’s a restaurant to pay your part of the bill, and let the waiter be the bearer of bad news.

Spill something on yourself, then run off to get changed. Alone.  If the date is bad enough and the ghosting trick didn’t work out the way you wanted it to, you may have to bite the bullet and sacrifice your outfit. A good way to cut a date short is to spill something on yourself (or on him), then go, “Oh no! You/I have to go change clothes. Date over!” He may try to invite himself  along for the ride and hope to get lucky by doing so. Don’t agree to it. Instead, smile and go, “I can clean up myself, thanks.”

Mention that you have a very early morning at work and can’t stay out too late. He may insist or try to stall for time in some sort of pathetic hope that you’ll magically change your mind and fall for him, but don’t let him do it. Instead, be firm, and say, “I have to be out by 8. Sorry! Some guys will still not get a clue by you being firm, and this is where it gets problematic. At this point, you’re going to have to get blunt with him, and maybe even a little mean. If he won’t take no for an answer, get mad, and tell him, “Well, I can’t really date a guy who doesn’t take my career or needs seriously. Ciao!”

Get mean.  I only use this if a guy really crossed a line and needs to be schooled in manners. If he goes so far as to embarrass you in public, slut-shame you, or flat-out insult you, you have to stand up for yourself. If guys don’t have women put them in check from time to time, they’ll think that their behavior is acceptable. Ideally, this will be done in a public setting, so that he’ll be less likely to retaliate in whatever sense. In your most commanding, diva-esque voice: “Excuse you? What did you just say?” He may react a number of ways, from getting louder to stammering to mansplaining things to you. Regardless of how he reacts to you, stand your ground. Get stone-faced, and look like you’re ready to fight. Do not, under any circumstance, be intimidated by him.

Once he’s done with his initial reaction, look him straight in the eye, and tell him, “What in the hell made you think that’s acceptable to say to anyone? How would you feel if I said that to you? This date is over, and no, you’re not getting a second chance. GTFO, jackass.”

After that, head to the staff at whatever restaurant/venue you’re at and explain the situation. Tell them you’re not comfortable, that he’s in charge of the bill, and that you want to be escorted to your car safely. If they saw the two of you entering, or witnessed him make a scene, they’ll be understanding and help you leave.

Oh, and word about safety: One thing I have learned is that first dates often will be pretty safe, but that doesn’t mean that you should take chances. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, call someone to escort you home, and carry pepper spray on you at all times.

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Are You Making It Hard For Men To Fall For You?

You’re single. In fact, you’ve been single for so long, you’re pretty sure you don’t even know how to be in a relationship anymore. You go on dates; you even go on multiple dates with the same person, but no matter what you do, you just can’t get anyone to stick around for the long haul and you can’t figure out why.

Well, aside from the fact that your beauty is intimidating the hell out of everyone you meet, because obvs, there might be some other factors, too, ones that you haven’t considered, standing in the way of your happily ever after. Not sure what? Here are 16 signs you’re making it hard for men to fall for you.

You come on too strong. While men do love a woman with confidence, a woman who comes on so strong that she starts dropping hints about wanting to get married halfway through the third date is just going to chase any prospective mates away.

You always seem aloof. Sometimes we’re all aloof because we all have lots of crap going on, but it’s when it’s persistent and you consistently appear cold and standoff-ish, that it’s hard for anyone to want to be near you, let along fall for you.

You play way too hard to get. It’s awesome to create a challenge in the early days, but it’s another thing when you’re still playing that silliness a month into dating someone. Cool it; give him a chance to spend time with you instead of chasing you.

You’re too willing to change who you are be liked. Although you may be able to pull the wool over the eyes of the person you’re dating in the early stages, as you try to mold yourself into what they think is perfect, it won’t last. Eventually the real you will come out, and it’s going to make it really hard for someone to want to stick around after that.

You act way too fake. It’s always nice to laugh at bad jokes on dates, but when you push the fakeness to Taylor Swift level, you’re going to turn him off and send him running for the hills.

You pull that needy BS. “OMG! You didn’t call at 7PM like you promised you would! You didn’t call until 7:20PM! How do you think that makes me feel?!” Groan.

You have unrealistic expectations. It’s so important to have expectations! Having expectations keeps you from settling and selling yourself short. But it’s when those expectations become insanely unrealistic, like how you will only date someone who’s at least sort of related to royalty or someone who owns a champagne colored Bentley instead of a silver one, that you’re really giving yourself no hope.

You’re always “super busy.” We all know that “super busy” is code for Netflix. When someone feels like they’re second to Netflix, it can be hard for them to want to want to stick around long enough to try to get over that.

You’re a total drama queen. You’re not just freaking out about him not calling on time, but you’re over-analyzing texts, crying at the drop of a hat, and acting like everything is the end of the world. Unless you’re starring in the Broadway adaption of How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days, take it down a notch.

You’re too independent. Although there is nothing wrong with being really independent, when that independence doesn’t leave room for anyone else in your life, then you can’t expect to find love.

You run from men who seem to appear too available. For reasons that researchers are still debating, the more available a man is, the less likely a woman will be interested in him. It’s most likely linked to something involving the evolution of the species; but just because a man seems available, it doesn’t mean he’s not a catch and shouldn’t be given a chance.

You’re emotionally cut off. Some women aren’t cuddly, affectionate types who like to tell men they love them all the time and, well, so be it. But keeping your emotions always under wraps doesn’t allow for forward movement in a relationship and can make a guy bail because he feels like you’re just not into it.

You don’t listen when he talks. Conversations take two people, and listening is one of the most important aspects of it. When people feel like they’re not being heard, they lose interest fast.

Your obsession with your ex is all too obvious. If you still want to be in love with your ex, then by all means, go for it. However, don’t be surprised when it drives a new guy away.

You assume every guy is awful. Well, let’s be honest, most are. I kid! (Or do I?) Either way, if you run around thinking every guy you meet is a jerk, you put up a wall around you and most men don’t run around with hammers to break that stuff down. Once it’s up, it stays there until you tear it down again.

You’re selfish as hell. Personally, I think being selfish as hell is a very important quality to have, but similarly to being too independent, it’s a slippery slope. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself and your needs first, but you can’t expect a man to fall for you if you can’t see outside yourself long enough to acknowledge he’s there and has needs, too.

Read more:

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  • I’m Pretty Sure That The Guy I Marry Will Cheat On Me & I’m Okay With That

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9 Reasons Fall Is The Perfect Time For Finding Love

While summer is the perfect season to be super single, by the time fall rolls around, you’re ready for everything a relationship has to offer. Summertime means rooftop barbecues, going out every night, and perfect weather that was basically made for less clothing and more crushing. Now that the temperatures are dropping and Pumpkin Spice Lattes are everywhere, you’re going to start seeing pumpkin picking photos and engagement announcements when everyone’s home for the holidays. That means it’s officially the perfect season to find the right guy to hibernate with this winter.

It’s almost time for the holidays, when the questioning begins. Everyone who ever suffered through an awkward family dinner knows the struggle that is being single. If you start searching now, you can force someone to be your boyfriend before it’s Peppermint Mocha season.

Dating in the winter is the worst. You just don’t feel fabulous when you’re wearing approximately 100 layers. Plus, no one wants to trek through snow and slush to meet up with someone they may or may not have anything in common with for weeknight drinks. Dating in the fall is just much more romantic than trying to plan get togethers when you’d rather be heavily hibernating.

No one likes living alone when they’re snowed in. Living alone has its amazing moments, from dancing naked to having an entire refrigerator to yourself. There’s no shared chore wheel like summer camp, and if you happen to bring home a rogue gentleman caller there’s no one to judge you (except yourself). But if there’s a blizzard on hand, it’s suddenly terrifying. How are you supposed to survive snowed in? What if the power goes out, leaving you unable to charge your phone to Tinder and/or plan an escape? Unclear, but that’s why you need to prepare mentally and physically by adding a boyfriend to your social lineup.

Photos of frolicking in fall leaves scream romance. When the leaves start changing colors there are certain things you know to be true. White girls will Instagram their PSLs and they’ll start forcing their boyfriends to don flannel and go pumpkin/apple/anything picking with them.

There’s just something about crisp leaves and ample fireplace opportunities.Summer’s too hot to feel anything other than sweaty. Winter was made for staying indoors. Spring is gorgeous, but most of it is spent defrosting. Falling in love in fall gives you the perfect excuse to wear adorable J. Crew coats and riding boots, looking like Pinterest perfection.

Everything (and everyone) slows down in the fall. During summer, it seems like there’s a new Facebook event to RSVP no to daily. Everyone’s on vacation (including you) or running to some friend of a friend’s birthday party on a rooftop deck. Now that everyone’s back to work, it’s like the start of a new school year. Your friends are so focused on doing their own thing that it leaves you lots of room to meet someone new and exciting.

Getaways were made for a new guy in your life. Fall brings to mind bed and breakfasts upstate and curling up by the fire. While wine is the ultimate significant other and Netflix is there when you need it, it’s unfortunate but true that both of the above don’t look as adorable when you show them off to your friends on social media.

Everyone gets a little bit jealous when the winter engagements begin. As happy as you are being single, once the winter engagements and weddings start going down it’s impossible to not wonder if you’re actually forever alone. Instead of buying a cat, start looking for a boyfriend.

Hibernating is better with someone else (and not just because it’s warmer). Winter can be lonely, especially if you’re not used to constant snow and sadness. Instead of doing Seamless for one, it’s way more fun to spend the freezing months with someone who’s new enough to be excited about, but that you’re comfortable with to wear your footie pajamas in bed.

Read more:

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10 Signs Your Insecurities Are Holding You Back In Life

Insecurities are a part of life. Even though the goal is to accept ourselves 100{5bc55beb08889ad05a7e7a6b77d532c6a271732d053bf26757b0ccd6cd3a3c03}, the fact remains that we’re all our own worst critics, and there will always be something about ourselves we aren’t happy with. As long as you don’t let your insecurities prevent you from living your life and reaching your goals, it’s all good. But if you tend to let those insecurities dictate every decision you make, you’re probably missing out on a lot of great opportunities because you assume you aren’t good enough. Here’s how to tell if you need to cut yourself some slack in life.

Sometimes you think there’s no point in trying. If you get it in your head that you have no shot at succeeding, you’ll decide there’s no point in even trying. But even if you don’t have every qualification listed in a job posting, the only way you won’t have a chance at that job is if you don’t apply. So try anyway, because you never know.

You can’t accept a compliment. Instead of saying thank you when someone pays you a compliment, you reject whatever nice thing they said about you. Whether it’s just in your own head or out loud, it’s unnecessary. You don’t get to decide whether someone else thinks you’re beautiful, funny, or smart. If they tell you that you are, do everyone a favor and just believe them.

You have a hard time standing up for yourself. If you aren’t confident in yourself, you’re going to find it difficult to fight back when someone isn’t treating you right. Instead of thinking, “Hey, I deserve better than this,” you just accept it because it plays right into your insecurities anyway.

You don’t like taking risks. Rather than try something new, you like to stick to what you know you’re good at it. But always going the safe route is going to guarantee you never advance. Sometimes you have to do something even though there is a chance you might fail.

You would never make a first move. For whatever reason, you expect rejection. You definitely aren’t going to put yourself out there and ask a guy out, because you’re positive he won’t be interested. But just having the confidence to make a first move is a turn-on for most guys, so you’d have a step up over a lot of other girls if you swallowed your pride for a minute and went for it.

You’re always self-deprecating. You’re a lot more comfortable pointing out your own flaws rather than have someone else beat you to it. But chances are, if you’d never said anything, they probably wouldn’t even have noticed whatever it is you think is wrong with you.

You’re rarely confident in your opinions. Even if you do speak up every once in awhile, you have no idea how to really sell what you’re saying. Most of the time you’re so afraid of saying the wrong thing that you’d much rather say nothing at all.

You care too much what people think. If someone gives you even one tiny hint of criticism, you fall apart, because as far as you’re concerned, they just confirmed what you always knew— you aren’t good enough.

You focus on the negative. Instead of seeing the silver lining, you always zero in on everything that could go wrong. You figure instead of getting your hopes up and being disappointed, it’s better to be prepared for the worst.

You’re way too hard on yourself. Basically, you’re a sore loser. You aren’t good at failing because it just reinforces every negative thing you already believed about yourself. Even when you succeed, there’s always something you would have done differently, so you can never just bask in the glory of a victory.

Read more:

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  • An STD Left Me Unable To Have Kids

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Netflix And Chill & 9 Other Things That Definitely Don’t Count As A Date

Dating these days isn’t the same as it used to be. A lot of the time, you’re out with someone, but you aren’t sure if it’s an actual date or not. That could have something to with the way we meet people and communicate. Online dating has made it a lot easier to meet people you never would have met otherwise, but it’s also made the whole concept of dating a lot more casual than it has ever been before. There are some things that are universally accepted as a date, like dinner and a movie, and there are others that you can be pretty confident are just code for hooking up. Obviously the only way to know for sure is to ask, but who wants to to do that?

Netflix and chill. You and your friends can take bets on what minute of a random episode of Friends he puts his arm around you and accidentally brushes your boob. Then when he starts to fidget around because he probably has a hard-on and he wants to draw your attention to it. If he’s a gentleman, he’ll wait until the episode is over to start making out with you.

Hanging out. Could this be any more vague? He’s not even trying. You might as well just show up naked and save some time.

Watching a movie. Even teenagers know that watching a movie is code for hooking up. Especially if he suggests The Notebook. He’s banking on you getting so horny over Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams kissing in the rain that you won’t be able to resist him.

Drinks at my place. If he can’t even be bothered to meet you in a public place for drinks, he’s definitely trying to get you drunk and in his bed within the hour.

I’m at {insert random bar here}. Come meet me. He’s already half in the bag, horny, and after striking out at the bar, he probably figures he’d have better luck with one of the girls who’s already had the misfortune of giving him her number.

A night cap. This is nothing more and nothing less than a last minute booty call. Nothing wrong with that, but it is certainly not a date.

A group hang. A safe way to be in each other’s presence without the expectations of a date. This one is pretty non-committal and if it’s the closest thing you’ve ever been to an actual date with him, you might want to give some thought to his intentions, because he’s working pretty hard to keep you at arms length.

Grabbing a coffee. This is always a safe suggestion for when you’re meeting someone for the first time in person. But it’s more like a quick informational interview than a date. If you hit it off, you can plan a real date, and if not, you can cut it short and forget it ever happened.

A Skype date. This might be a good way to confirm you are actually talking to who you think you’re talking to (no one wants to get catfshed), but seeing someone’s face on a screen isn’t a real date. Nothing is a date until you meet in person. Period.

Running a 5K. You’re running buddies, and nothing more. No one should ever sweat that much on a date, unless it’s in bed.

Read more:

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You Might Be Totally Wrong About Your “Type” & It’s Holding You Back In Love

“What’s your type?” That might be the most popular question when it comes to dating, and we always know when a guy just isn’t. But…do we have any idea of what we’re talking about? Surely you’ve got a good friend or two who slipped into your life without fitting any preconceived molds. Here’s why you might be totally wrong about your “type”, and how it’s probably keeping you from finding love.

You’ve never deviated from it. Having a type when it’s the only kind of guy you’ve dated is like saying you only eat vanilla ice cream when you haven’t even tried chocolate peanut butter or cookie dough. How do you know?

You’re single. If you have a type but you haven’t found the right guy within that type, it might be a sign that you’re limiting your options a bit too much. Widening the pool will introduce you to guys you never expected to meet, and you may just find the one for you.

Men have judged you based on your own type. And then you and girlfriends sat around and lamented about what he’s missing out on by not getting the time to know the real you. Look at it the other way and you’ll suddenly realize the point.

What you want can evolve. If you wrote out a list of desirable traits in a man when you were 19 and looked it over now, you might realize that some of your thoughts are a little outdated.

Men change, too. Having some standards is good, but so is keeping your expectations reasonable, because people do change for the better in unexpected ways.

You’re often surprised by people. If you’re constantly shocked by some of the interesting things that you find out about people, then odds are there’s more good qualities in men floating around than you anticipated. Limiting yourself to a “type” means you’re missing out on some interesting and amazing humans.

You get burned all the time. Your type might not be worth sticking with too intensely if those guys don’t seem to really like you back.

Differences aren’t deal breakers. It’s probably less important that he be a total cat lover and more important that he’s at least willing to get to know yours.

Research says you change you mind, anyway. Some research has found that people tend to use “revisionist theory” to describe their ideal type… as in you shape your preferences around the qualities of the person you’re with at any time.

You’ve seen solid couples and thought, “WTF?! How did that pairing happen?” They didn’t make their life impossible by adhering to a single possibility and they fell in love, that’s how. It happens.

Attraction isn’t just about looks. Tall, dark, and handsome is the classic type when it comes to physical attributes, but how many people are really dating that kind of guy? It’s all about perception, and when you fall for a guy, you’re going to think he’s attractive regardless.

You’d be willing to change your type for the right guy. You might have a very distinct type, but the second some dreamboat who’s funny, kind, and all around husband material pops up, you might forget that you said you’d never date a blonde.

Read more:

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8 Annoying Things Girls Do When They Flirt

Strange things happen when a girl is trying to win over the cause of her increased heart rate. She engages in a behavior called “flirting” and basically tries to be as cute and alluring as possible while talking to the object of her affection. Although flirting is designed to attract mates, some of the behavior exhibited during the process is utterly repulsive and painful to watch. Girls may be told that these are good things to do while flirting, when in reality, they’re distasteful and incredibly annoying.

Talking in a really high pitched voice. This is a strange phenomenon. When a girl is around a guy she likes, the pitch of her voice goes from normal to sky high in mere seconds. What the hell? Is this some kind of subconscious siren ruse that girls use to hypnotize unsuspecting men and lure them to their deaths? Be vigilant, men.

Obnoxious laughter. The longer some girls flirt with a guy, the louder and more boisterous their laughter becomes. There’s nothing wrong with laughing, but you’re not impressing anyone with your deafening squeals. The guy’s interest in you doesn’t increase along with the volume of your laughter. In fact, it’s probably the opposite.

Constantly playing with their hair. This can go from cute to distracting faster than the speed of light. Twirling your hair around your finger might seem like an adorable thing to do, but the guy you’re talking to might think you have some kind of nervous tick if you do it nonstop. Even worse, he might think you have lice and you’re doing everything you can to subtly relieve the itch.

Asking guys to buy them drinks. This is so tacky – buy your own damn alcohol. If you can’t afford it, then you shouldn’t be going out. There’s nothing flirtatious about walking up to a guy and holding your empty glass in his face expectantly. Going out to bars and clubs and expecting free drinks from guys just screams “entitled princess bitch.” The male gender is not responsible for buying booze for the female gender. If a guy offers, by all means, accept the drink. Just be sure to get the next round.

Acting dumb. No confident, smart guy wants to flirt with a dumbass. It’s okay to let your intelligence show in a conversation. You can be smart without being condescending. If you behave like you have a lower IQ than sun-baked roadkill, that’s how you’ll be treated. The guy will probably feel like he has to dumb himself down too so he doesn’t create any awkward silences by saying something that confuses you.

Nonstop phone usage. Scrolling through all of your crappy social media feeds and texting in the middle of a conversation is rude. It doesn’t make you seem “popular” or “fulfilled.” You just look like a narcissistic, easily distracted bitch who spends all her free time taking terrible selfies and talking to people she doesn’t give a crap about. You can survive 10 minutes without looking at your phone.

Insulting the guy. There is a huge difference between playful teasing and hurtful insults. If you can’t tell the difference between the two, you should probably just stick to siren wailing and drink swindling. Both of those combined will still be more effective than being a clueless douchebag towards a guy you barely know. Lighthearted teasing and occasional touching = good. Saying mean things and being shocked by his reactions = bad.

Expecting the guy to initiate. Some girls have no problem reciprocating a guy’s advances but they refuse to get the whole thing rolling themselves. There’s nothing wrong with a woman making the first approach. If you see an attractive male and want to use the flirts on him, go for it. Don’t sit around all night making goo goo eyes and hoping he’ll notice you. Just take control of the situation and don’t act like a jackass. You’re golden.

Read more:

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  • 12 Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch
  • 21 Questions to Ask at Your Next Visit to the Gynecologist
  • Be Careful—15 Surprising Birth Control Mistakes You Might Be Making

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10 Ways Women With Trust Issues Love Differently (& Why We’re Worth It)

Love is a tricky business in today’s day and age. We start out so young and innocent, ready to jump in with both feet and believe in the fairytale. That naivety lasts as long as our first real heartbreak, and then we begin the process of becoming more guarded. We try again and again, and our hearts become more closed off with each bad experience. After being cheated on, lied to, ghosted, and just generally treated like dirt, we naturally become jaded and develop some major trust issues.

As women, we want to love. Compassion and nurturing is in our nature, but battling trust issues changes the game completely for us and for our prospective future partners. When we meet someone new, for example, rather than reacting with pure excitement like we did when we were younger, we are skeptical. What does he want? How quickly can we find out his true motives so we don’t waste our time or get hurt again? It’s not fair to anyone, we know, but it’s not our fault. If you want someone to blame, how about all the losers who made us this way? Here are some of the main ways in which we love differently, and how you can help break down those walls if you want to be the one we do end up trusting.

We’ll be extremely cautious at first. We won’t give you too much information or let you get too close to us, but we will communicate from a distance while observing you astutely to determine if you’re trustworthy or not. The best thing you can do is understand our boundaries and communicate clearly if you do want a second date, because we’ll never assume that you do.

We’ll hardly ever be the first ones to call/text you at the beginning. This is especially true if we really like you, because we’ve been ghosted by several douchebags who thought it was desperate or needy of us to send a simple text. If you really like us, you’ll have to be the first one to call or text for a little while. Eventually, by proving that you really do want to be there with us, we’ll trust you enough to send you that cute good morning text without assuming that the consequence will be never hearing from you again.

We’ll never really be ourselves until we’re sure it’s for real. We won’t fully misrepresent ourselves because we do want to be with someone who likes us for who we are, but, like most people, we probably have a few skeletons in the closet that only a handful of trusted friends know. You’ll have to work your way into our inner circle before we’ll feel comfortable enough to discuss things like financial problems, depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, or past arrests — you know, things that make people realize you’re not perfect and run away.

We’ll insist on taking it slow, commitment-wise, but that doesn’t mean you should freely bang everyone in town. Every step of building a relationship with someone new is terrifying to a person who has trust issues. From the first time we actually the night to the point where it’s getting serious, we’re going to be silently freaking out on the inside because it’s all so scary and we’re still expecting you to either turn into a loser or bail on us at any moment. If you want it to turn into something real, the best thing you can do is show us how patient you can be and not go out hooking up with tons of other girls just because we haven’t had the exclusivity talk yet (that will just confirm in our heads that you’re another douchebag who can’t be trusted).

We’re very aware of our triggers and we listen to them, hoping to avoid repeating past mistakes. Trust issues are far from uniform: everyone has different experiences and triggers. If you’re dating someone who’s been cheated on with an ex who was “just a friend,” they will not want you to have a close relationship with your ex. Someone who’s been in an abusive or controlling relationship will see a great big red flag if you raise your voice to her or attempt to control who she spends her time with. You may see it as paranoia, but we see it as a necessity to protect ourselves from getting hurt again.

If you start acting shady, we will notice. If you used to leave your phone lying around unlocked, and suddenly it’s in your pocket blowing up with texts, we’ll notice and assume it’s probably another girl. If you go to drop your kid off to your ex and end up staying out all night “hanging out with the guys,” it looks an awful lot like you spent the night having sex with your ex. It’s not that we don’t want you to have a life, but you can’t wave red flags in our faces and expect us to look the other way (we’ve done that, and that’s why we have trust issues). The solution is to be open and honest if it’s really your sister bombarding you with texts about her birthday party next week or if you had plans to get a few beers with your friends after you dropped Junior off (honest communication will put us at ease).

Even after we’re in a relationship, we will still be constantly evaluating it. It’s not enough to just “get the girl.” You still need to work to keep her. Don’t stop trying once we’re seemingly comfortable enough with you and you’re getting everything you want. We know that move too, and we know that we are worth some actual effort

If we want a family, we’ll make absolutely sure that you do too before we get too serious. Just saying that you want to get married and have kids isn’t good enough, because we’ve heard that line from plenty of horny guys before. You’ll need to prove it by having serious discussions about the timeframe in which you want this to happen, how many kids you want, parenting styles, finances, religion (or the lack of it), and how it will affect both of your career paths. Obviously this conversation doesn’t need to happen right away, but before things get too serious, you should be ready to discuss.

We’ll introduce you to our friends and ask them later what they thought of you. We can’t be too careful when deciding who to trust with our hearts. Our closest friends are most likely the only people in the world that we really trust, and they know us well enough to help us discern who’s trustworthy and who isn’t. It’ll be worth your while to connect with them. Not only will their support help you gain our trust, but you’ll be seeing them a lot more in the future if things work out.

Our love is absolutely worth it. Those of us who have trust issues are at a place in life where it’s all or nothing. You start out with nothing, but you have the opportunity to have it all if you are patient, genuine, and kind. Once we trust you and let you in, we will love you with the purest love that exists. Just ask our closest friends how loyal we are, how we always answer the phone when they need to talk at 2 am, and how we will walk through fire if someone we love is at the other side calling for help.

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  • Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences
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What His Instagram Account Says About Him

With so many social media platforms to overshare on, the Internet has become a gold mine for finding stuff out about guys you’re interested in. Don’t even try to deny that you’ve looked; we all creep a little bit in the early stages, and it’s actually pretty beneficial in getting a general idea about who he is. Instagram is extra special because unlike Facebook, its layout is simplified and scrolling through pictures until you’re 117 weeks deep and praying you don’t have an accidental thumb spasm takes only a few moments. You can actually tell a lot about a guy based on what his Instagram posts and activity are about.

His followers determine his ego. A dude with a ton of followers is very different than a guy who’s just connected with old classmates and his current social scene. Anything in excess of 1000 and it’s a safe bet that this guy gets a ton of validation through his followers and likes. If he’s truly trying to inspire and motivate people with his captions, that’s totally a different thing, but pay attention to a guy who posts a selfie every day or is overly obsessed with his expensive car with generic and non-inspirational hashtags because he’s likely just really into himself and how he appears to other people.

Who he follows shows his interests. When a guy follows a variety of accounts ranging from friends to comedy accounts with a few celebrities in between, this is completely the norm. If he follows a ton of hot Insta-models, then buyer beware. When a guy scrolls through his Instagram feed and it’s laced with gorgeous, half naked women, it’s going to be hard to satisfy his tastes and it will always bother you knowing that this is where his eyes land on a daily basis. And to the guys, yes, we do totally judge you on this and we’re not ashamed to admit it.

What he posts illustrates his personality. Does he posts a lot of jokes, misogynist memes, or just a ton of Ciroq bottles in a penthouse suite with a Mayfair filter? Read the fine print. If he makes fun of women routinely through memes, or has a new #WCW (woman crush Wednesday) every couple of weeks, it can say a lot about his relationship stability and overall worthiness of your time. A party animal can indicate he’s not totally mature yet or cares more about appearances than actual character substance. Or, on the flip side, maybe he’s actually adorable and posts his Grandma as his WCW and you get an understanding of his family life through his pictures. There’s nothing cuter than a man who loves his granny.

His liking activity can show where his attention is. It’s no surprise that men get into a ton of stuff now from girlfriends for their liking activity, and while sometimes it’s a bit extreme to accuse a guy of being an jerk because of a mindless double tap on a picture, you actually can tell a lot about a guy based on his liking activity. If he consistently likes the same girl’s pictures routinely, he could be into her. He could also like a ton of mushy quotes revealing a sensitive side to him that he doesn’t actually show upfront.

Does he even have Instagram? If he doesn’t even have Instagram, that’s totally cool. Or maybe he does but its set to private. Some people automatically assume that this means they have something to hide. That’s not always the case. Sometimes people just really don’t want to share a lot of personal details about themselves online. Other times, yes, it could mean he has parts of his life he doesn’t want people to know or find. There could also be a professional reason behind it for work privacy reasons. Either way, a guy not having an Instagram account isn’t a reason to start making assumptions. It just means you have to rely on your old fashioned instincts or resort to the more modern tradition of the Facebook creep.

I’m not saying that you should completely rule a guy out based on his social media activities, but the fact is that social media has played a game-changing role in the dating game and social media personas are a real part of that change. Rather than wasting your time dating someone who possesses a real deal breaker for your tastes, you can quickly summarize what you’re getting yourself into and say #byefelicia early on if you need or be genuinely more intrigued because they seem to be even more awesome that you originally thought. Just remember to keep the stalking finds to yourself and not accidentally blurt out his pets name before he’s even told you.

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Reminder: You Don’t Owe A Guy Anything When He Buys You A Drink

As women, we’ve all been there. You’re at the bar with your friends when some dude offers to buy you a drink. Sometimes it’s someone super cute you’re actually interested in (if your life is like the movies). More often than not, it’s either a guy skeezing on your group of girls or someone creepy that you definitely don’t want anywhere near your cocktail. Whether you go for it or hard pass, just because he bought you a drink doesn’t mean you owe him anything — that might mean your conversation, your time, or your feigned interest — but know that you can always walk away without repercussions (even if he’s mega rude about it).

Exchanging money for a drink doesn’t mean exchanging a drink for sex. If you’re exchanging a product (drink) for a favor (chatting, gentle flirtation),  it’s not an SAT question that automatically equals going home together. Even if you’re at a bar that’s famous for its Take Me Home Tonight mentality, you can still be happily single and not so ready to mingle.

If you buy your friend a drink, you don’t expect anything from them. Whether you’re buying a cocktail for your bestie because she had a bad day or grabbing beers for your guy friends during a game, it’s because you feel like it. You wouldn’t expect said best friend to stay out with you when she felt like going home, and you certainly wouldn’t want your platonic male friends to follow you home post-game.

Life is not a T-Pain song. Despite the fact that T-Pain describes buying a woman a drink with the knowledge that he will then take her home, you’re not the star of a rap video. If you were, you would have better clothes and hair, and you would probably have Drake on speed dial (a girl can dream). Until you’ve mastered booty shaking for an MTV audience, you don’t have to pretend you’re guaranteed a la T-Pain.

Guys don’t hold all the power. There’s no reason to feel bad about bouncing or try to maintain a conversation that’s very obviously going absolutely nowhere. If you don’t feel comfortable walking away, you have to wonder why you feel like you owe a stranger your time and company.

If a guy makes you feel bad about not talking to him, you don’t want to hang out with him, anyway. If you walk away mid-convo because you’re just not feeling it and face a loud grunt or an angry harumph, that just confirms that the guy you’re chilling with doesn’t deserve your company. You shouldn’t have to fake anything in your dating life, ever.

Meeting a boyfriend at a bar isn’t exactly romantic. Even though finding the love of your life at a bar is more romantic than finding him on Tinder, it still isn’t exactly a rom-com worthy meet-cute location. While you might imagine meeting the man of your dreams when you’re sidling up to the bar three vodka sodas deep, the reality is usual guys you definitely don’t want to be talking to… or guys you won’t remember talking to in the morning.

You would probably rather be hanging out with your girlfriends. Despite what dudes think, if a girl’s at a bar (or even a nightclub) it’s probably not with the intention to meet her one true love. In fact, she’s probably more focused on spending time with the friends she came with than chatting up the Axe covered/Ed Hardy wearing roid-ridden stranger approaching her from behind.

You don’t actually know what’s in the cocktail you’ve been offered. In college, everyone accepted free drinks because poor students are always looking for cheap — or free — alcohol. Now that you’ve graduated, you probably think twice before consuming a stranger danger beverage that you didn’t have to pay for… or you eagle eye the bartender as he pours it.

There’s no need to feel obligated to come up with an excuse. Every single girl who has ever spent a night out has mastered the perfect excuse to escape an awkward conversation. There’s the feigned lesbianism, which never really works. There’s “I have a boyfriend,” which just seems to convince creeps to continue creeping. But at the end of the day, it’s not your responsibility to appease an aggressive guy. If you want to walk away and he’s not letting you, it’s not your job to placate him.

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How To Fall In Love According To A Shonda Rhimes Show

Is there anyone cooler than Shonda Rhimes? No, really, I’m asking. She’s come a long way from writing the Britney Spears road trip movie Crossroads (which you loved, admit it) and is now basically The Queen of Thursday TV, if not TV period. From hot doctors navigating love and medicine on Grey’s Anatomy to Kerry Washington’s badass female fixer on Scandal to the college murder mystery How To Get Away With Murder, Shonda’s shows are, in a word, amazing. They’re full of strong women who know they don’t need a man to be happy but want one anyway. Here are 10 ways to fall in love like you’re one of those awesome women on a Shonda Rhimes show.

Do it your way. While we have a moment of silence for McDreamy (R.I.P.), let’s take another moment to appreciate the fact that Meredith and Derek never got married on Grey’s. Wait, let me rephrase that. They never got married in an official ceremony. But they got married on a post-it note, which was totally awesome. Let Meredith be your role model when your aunt’s bugging you yet again about why you and your boyfriend haven’t tied the knot yet. Marriage is your choice and you can commit to someone any way that you want.

Don’t lie to yourself. We all groaned one big collective sigh when smart girl Michaela tried to ignore the fact that her fiancé is gay on HTGAWM. But she eventually realized that she had the break off the engagement. You know you just can’t ignore signs that there is trouble in paradise or you’ll only be sorry later.

We all have that one on-again/off-again romance. Is anything more tragic and romantic than Fitz and Olivia’s crazy romance on Scandal? And who can’t relate? Okay, so you might not be in love with the President. But you still drunk text your ex sometimes (okay, every Friday night) and daydream about what it would be like to date him again. There’s usually a reason we keep coming back to people, so maybe your wondering is a sign of true love. Stranger things have happened.

Affairs are the worst. It’s pretty clear that Murder’s Annalise had a rocky marriage, and that’s the understatement of the century. She cheated on her husband, he cheated on her (but way worse – with a college student). Murder aside, if your relationship isn’t working out, do everyone a favor and get out before hooking up with someone else.

But affairs don’t make you a bad person. We all basically bow down to the complex character that Viola Davis has created in Annalise. She’s tough yet vulnerable in the most beautiful way, and she also gives a face to the overall idea of cheating on your spouse. So does Arizona who unfortunately cheated on Callie (sob) on Grey’s — yet we still adore her because she’s so charming and adorable, and we totally understand why she did so. You shouldn’t cheat, of course. But you’re not a monster if you’re going through a rough time and end up doing so. You’re just human.

You will have many great loves. It’s hard to think of a more heartbreaking TV moment than when Burke left Cristina at the altar in the third season finale of Grey’s. It was a huge deal for her to open up and accept love, and then boom, it was all over. But she found love again with Owen, even if that didn’t work out so well either. So if you’re still mourning your ex and wondering if you’ll ever meet someone as awesome as him again, just think of Cristina. If she could, you will too.

You can always choose you. In the end, Cristina got her dream job instead of her dream man, which was definitely a deliberate and super inspiring choice of Shonda’s. If you put yourself, your career and your happiness first, it doesn’t mean you never want to fall in love or to end up with someone. It just means this is what’s best for you right now.

You can’t help who you fall for. Or sleep with, in the case of Annalise’s assistant Bonnie and her law student Asher. No one would approve of their hook-up and yet they did it anyway.

Sometimes love hurts. Was there anything more disturbing than watching Cristina deal with Owen’s PTSD? She realized that in certain relationships, it’s impossible to separate love from pain, and that there are often forces greater than the two of you. It’s an annoying lesson to learn but unfortunately we’ve all had those relationships that were born to fail for various painful reasons.

You should never feel guilty about being who you are. What’s so awesome about Shondaland (besides the juicy plotlines and non-stop drama, of course) is that she allows her characters to be exactly who they are. These women never apologize. They basically own their every feeling, thought, and action. They’re reaching for the sky and the stars and beyond in their lives and careers, and they’ll never let those dreams go in order to please a man. We can definitely relate.

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Why Sleeping Alone Is The Best Thing Ever

Cuddling is amazing. Getting all cozy with someone you really like while watching a movie or just chatting in bed is never a bad thing. But when did everyone decide that cuddling while sleeping was not only acceptable, but desirable? Here’s the thing— sleeping is a solitary activity. So why do people like having someone else crowding them when they’re trying to relax? Maybe it’s just the lifelong struggle of someone who’s a light sleeper, but given the choice I’ll choose an empty bed every time.

No sharing the blankets. Waking up freezing because your bed buddy has rolled over and taken the entire blanket with them? Never happens. The half asleep tug of war you’re forced to engage in has a way of making it difficult to fall back asleep. Better to just have your own blanket. Or your own bed.

You can fart without fear of judgement. We all fart in our sleep. It’s a fact. Hopefully if you have a steady boyfriend, it’s no big deal. But when you’re sleeping with someone new, it’s hard to really relax for fear of letting a fart slip out. When you’re by yourself you’re free to pass gas whenever the mood strikes.

No one snoring in your ear. Finding a man who doesn’t snore at least a little bit is next to impossible. But it’s even worse when they insist on spooning with you and all you can focus on is their hot, heavy, snore-breathing directly in your ear. There are always ear plugs, but sleeping alone is silence guaranteed.

No dodging the limbs of thrashers. No one likes getting smacked in the face by wildly swinging limbs. Or kicked in the shin when their sleep partner has a particularly violent dream twitch. And you can’t even get mad at them for giving you a black eye because they were sleeping, they couldn’t help it.

You can sleep in the middle of the bed. That means you can stretch out into spread eagle position if that’s what you want. No waking up sore and stiff because you had to stay on your side of the bed and didn’t want to move around too much for fear of waking them up.

You aren’t really alone. The other side of the bed is covered in books, clothes, your laptop, maybe a snack or two, a bottle of water, your phone, your iPod, socks in case your feet get cold, and an extra pillow just in case you do feel like cuddling. Everything you need is right there and all you have to do is roll over.

You aren’t woken up by anyone’s alarm but your own. Dreading the minute your alarm goes off every morning is bad enough without being woken up an hour early by someone else’s alarm. And it’s even worse when they press snooze three times, and ignore the incessant buzzing for a good two minutes before getting up

You don’t have to accommodate anyone else’s sleeping preferences. If you like it pitch black, and super warm when you sleep, then pitch black and warm it will be. You won’t have to worry about having a human heater in bed beside you soaking through the sheets with his sweat. You can just do you.

You can toss and turn without worrying you’re waking someone up. Some nights sleep doesn’t come very easily, and we end up tossing and turning in vain. If you’re alone you can turn on the light and read for awhile, or just thrash around until you tire yourself out. There’s no one else to tell you not to.

Sleeping alone is actually better for your relationship. It’s pretty frustrating when your boyfriend can sleep through everything, but you’ll lay there awake all night because of his snoring and thrashing. Before too long you’ll be silently resenting him and you’ll just be all around grouchy because of lack of sleep. You’ll be picking fights just so you can order him to sleep on the couch. Studies have actually shown that couples who insist on sleeping together have a harder time getting quality rest, and that can lead to other problems.

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How Dating Is Different In Movies Than It Is In Real Life

If rom-coms made you dream of one day going on some amazingly romantic dates, you were probably sorely disappointed by reality. In the movies, the girls got all glammed up in heels and the guys were business casual. The dates usually involved a horse and carriage ride and a perfect kiss goodnight. In real life, first dates probably involve a drink (two if you’re lucky, three if it’s really going well) and endless freak outs about who’ll text first. Unless your life is actually an adorable romantic comedy, it’s more than likely that you’ve been on your share of dates that are nothing like the movies.

A romantic dinner is just plain awkward. When you’re getting to know each other you’ll spend more time chatting than actually enjoying the meal. Then, you’re stuck sneaking off to make sure your food hasn’t ended up all over your outfit and/or face. If the guy ends up being a stone cold weirdo there’s no escaping him halfway through. Plus, prepare for a doggy bag that you’re awkwardly carrying at the end of the night, making a kiss at your door seem strange.

Anything elaborate for a first date would be overwhelming. If you watch The Millionaire Matchmaker, you’ve seen plenty of helicopter/cooking class/salsa dancing dates that seem romantic but would be awkward IRL. Admit it — unless you were super duper into him, if a guy showed up at your door with a dozen roses and plans to whisk you away in his private ‘copter you would be just a little bit freaked. You don’t want a date that’s Netflix and chill, but something in the middle is ideal.

No one ever gets inappropriately drunk onscreen. In movie dating, no one ever has a few too many cocktails. In fact, if you do watch The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger warns against having more than two cocktails. On a real date, you probably have a glass of wind to unwind at home, and if it goes well a few more drinks, especially if you’re bar hopping. By the end of the night you’re ready to rage but also regretting going rogue.

Real first dates usually take place at bars. While a “dive bar” might be overkill, it’s not like the bars you’re venturing to when you meet Tindermen are exactly elegant. You don’t expect a fancy dinner, but when drinks are dirt cheap and you wonder if you caught something in the bathroom you’re not exactly in the mood for love.

A kiss on your stoop can get weird. If a date has seemed promising, by the end of the night you’re wondering how it’ll end. Maybe you’ll have your first kiss or he’ll plan your next date before this one is over. So there you are, lurking on your stoop, or at a subway stop, or in a taxi cab, making out. If you hate PDA it’s always going to feel a little strange kissing a stranger out in the open.

Dressing up is overrated, especially if you’re coming from the office. Most first dates happen on weeknights when you’re heading home from the office and exhausted. While you’ll freshen up your makeup, you’re not exactly going to change into a little black dress on a random Wednesday. In the movies, everyone on a date is in a slinky dress that real humans can’t afford with super high heels. If you greeted a date in that at a lowkey bar he would probably be completely freaked out and wonder if you were going to a black tie event later in the evening.

Just because he seems into you doesn’t guarantee a second date. In the magical world of movie-land, when a guy seems super into the leading lady and guarantees that he’ll take her somewhere special soon, it actually happens. In the real world, a guy might say a whole slew of things and then forget about you the next time he’s on Tinder.

In the movies a first date equals a long-lasting relationship. Movies mean a first date leads to an even more romantic second date and then a montage with adorable activities and perfect pop songs. In the real world, guys think a first date makes you available for an anytime hookup. It’s weird because obviously they know what dating looks like, but they’d rather send a “u up” text than grab a meal.

No guy ever tries to “Netflix and chill” after a first date in the movies. After a first date that’s kind of gone well (and some that haven’t at all), it’s expected that a guy will ask you to go home with him. This can be particularly awkward if you weren’t feeling the date and even more awkward if you wanted him to try just a little bit harder. It’s always weird when a dude you were planning on starting a relationship with casually sees if you want to get a drink at his place after a first date. You have to wonder if anyone waits at least until the second date for the propositioning to begin.

Read more:

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8 Types Of Guys That Hit On You At The Bar & Why They’re The Worst

If you’re seriously single, it’s more than likely that you spend lots of time at a wide variety of bars (when you’re not spending time with your OTL, Netflix). There are the dive bars where you go for cheap drinks and cheaper snacks, the bougie bars where you hunt for a husband, and even the nightclubs when you really feel like dancing. No matter what type of bar you frequent, you’re probably going to get hit on. After all, bar hopping does seem like an open invitation to some dudes, even if it’s actually just a way to unwind after a long day or even longer week. These are the eight guys that always exist, no matter what bar you go to.

The one who won’t take no for an answer. When you politely try to escape, he continues creeping. It seems like no matter where you go he’s right behind you, offering you a drink or grinding up against you when you least expect it. While app dating isn’t exactly romantic, no one wants to say that they met their boyfriend when they were wasted and he started humping without so much as a hello. It’s the equivalent of a random honking at you and you have to wonder if it’s ever worked on anyone.

The one who’s mad when you say no. Every lady has dealt with this dude and he’s the absolute worst. In fact, he’s even worse than the persistent one which is saying something. Whether you say no to a drink or  to going home with him, suddenly he Hulks out and start insulting you, even though a few minutes ago you were exactly his type.

The one who’s obviously with someone else. Either you see him obviously hanging out with another girl earlier in the evening or he’s hitting on everything that moves (and some that don’t because it looked like he was leaning hard against that pinball machine). It’s not that he’s not cute, it’s that he seems beyond thirsty.

The one who wants you to join him (and someone else). If you’ve ever been to a bar that’s popular for pickups (think strong cheap drinks and a whole pile of horned up twenty-somethings) it’s more than likely that you’ve received this offer. If you were having a particularly wild night you might’ve even considered it. Unfortunately, said offer probably doesn’t involve a couple channeling Teigen and Legend. It’s usually a guy who’s slurring his words to the point where you have to ask him to repeat the offer multiple times until you get grossed out and give up.

The one who can’t stop dancing. This guy is seriously fun. He might not be your type and if he didn’t have moves for days you would probably never even look his way, but he makes the entire evening more fabulous. If you’re with friends who are more interested in meeting dudes than dancing, this guy is your savior. You can twerk (or at least attempt to) with tons of room around you because he doesn’t insist on being attached to you all tentacle-like for the entirety of the evening. This might not end up in a love match, but it will result in a dance floor battle.

The one who’s way too serious for a Saturday. He’s absolutely gorgeous and you’re overjoyed when he approaches. Once you start talking you realize that not only do you have nothing in common, you’re bored to tears (and you don’t want to risk your mascara running).

The one who can barely stand up. This guy is smoking hot and you’ve been eyeing him all night. He’s just your type and after following every Cosmo rule about hungry eyes he strolls over to you… Except while strolling he takes a spills. Once he arrives you realize that this dude is beyond blackout. You want to ignore his drunken behavior and focus on his face but it seems like he’s speaking another language and you don’t fee like matching him shot for shot until you’re on the same level.

The one who’s a friend of a friend. This is the ultimate wingman situation, but just because your friend found a guy doesn’t mean you’re automatically into his homeboy. In an ideal world, your friend would be seeing someone who would bring a guy for you that was a remote possibility. In the real world, it’s usually a guy who you know has a girlfriend (whether or not he chooses to disclose that is a separate issue) or someone you have 0 interest in who’s convinced you’re his for the night because his friend is about to score.

Read more:

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Relationships Are Great, But Here Are 10 Times You’re Better Off Being Single

The general consensus for some reason is usually that being in a relationship is desirable and preferable over being single. While having someone to rely on, cuddle with, and spend your free time with is great and all, it’s not like relationships are all rainbows and puppy dogs. If you’re in love, it’s worth it, says everyone who has forgotten all the glorious things about being single. Sure, you’re probably the third wheel sometimes, and you have to listen to people tell you that you have to “put yourself out there more”, but that’s just part of the single life. If you think about it, life as one half of a couple can have its downsides, too.

When you need a good night’s sleep. Sleeping with another person is never going result in the same kind of restful slumber as sleeping by yourself will. For some reason, being in a relationship means sleeping in the same bed as your beloved, and there are definitely going to be times when you miss having the whole bed to yourself.

During the holidays. Christmas is expensive enough as it is with all the parties, traveling, and buying gifts for your own family and friends without having to add his entire family to your ever-growing list. Even if you like buying gifts for people and you’re close with them, it’s still never easy on the budget.

When all your friends are single. Not that you should base your relationship status on what all your friends are doing. Of course not. But you’ll definitely miss out on a lot of single girl stuff, and for once you’ll be the outsider. With your luck, the minute you’re single again, everyone else will be in a relationship.

When you’re a bridesmaid and all the groomsmen are hot and single. If you weren’t already taken, this would be the perfect opportunity to get to know your friend’s fiancee’s hot college roommate that you’ve always had a thing for. But it’s not in the cards.

When you realize you’ll never have a first kiss again. The anticipation. The butterflies. The not knowing what’s going to happen next. You’ll never have any of that again. Hope the guy you’re with is worth it.

When the sex is terrible. Every relationship has rough patches, or times when your libidos don’t seem to be in sync. But you can’t just go out and find someone else to satisfy your needs. You have to buckle down and actually communicate with each other. You may just want one wild night with no inhibitions, but you can’t have that if you want your relationship to work.

When you develop feelings for someone else. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’ll never meet anyone else you’re interested in ever again. But it does mean you’ll have to squash those feelings and pretend they don’t exist. It won’t be easy, but that’s another sacrifice you have to make.

In-laws. They always have an opinion. On everything. But parents are just trying to help, right? Sure, but you have your own parents to deal with, and you probably don’t need your boyfriends’ sticking their noses in your business too. You can’t tell them off either, you just have to grin and bear it.

When you don’t believe in marriage. If you’re single, you only have to deal with people who just need to know why you haven’t found someone yet. That’s a breeze compared to dealing with the ones who can’t wrap their minds around why you’ve been together for so long and haven’t gotten married yet. Try explaining your stance on marriage and how it’s unnecessary and means nothing to you and they’ll act like you’ve actually lost your mind and belong in an insane asylum.

You’re somehow always one half of a couple. If you go anywhere alone, people always ask where your significant other is. Why isn’t he attached to your hip at all times? Don’t you do everything together? As if just your presence isn’t enough and you’ve ruined everything by being an individual.

Read more:

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